i had found my husband cheating but decided to give him a second chance. i found it the first time because i was on his computer, on his cell phone etc because i had a suspicion. now he has locked me out of his computer and cell phone is locked. he will only use the phone when he is in his car. i don't know if i am being paranoid because of what happened before i think he is continuing the cheating but now it's harder to find evidence. anyone know any discreet devices i can put in his car to listen to his conversations? he thinks that i am suspicious again so he will be looking so this needs to be very discreet. when i was spying on him before, he found me. i thought about a PI but it would be way too expensive for me right now. please, any thing would help. i am sick to my stomach that this may be going on again.

S&T,

Welcome to the forum. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Many marriages survive affairs....only to fail in recovery. Why? Because there is no recovery plan in place. You forgave him...I'm glad you could...but you negotiated for NOTHING. There were no stipulations or conditions to be met. You need to buy a copy of "Surviving an Affair" and find out what you need to do before accepting this situation again with all the vulnerability still in place. If your H has shut you out of his life, and refused to be open and honest....the temptation is still there.

Now...about devices for listening. I have a suggestion....Voice Activated Recorder (you can buy them at wallmart) taped under the seat of this car. Cell phone bills....you may be able to get them online. You can always try to follow him yourself. BUT...and this is a big BUT! Be prepared to deal with what ever you find without LOVE BUSTING if you can. If you want honesty....you must be able to provide an environment that he feels comfortable being honest in.

Until you get "SAA" please read all that you can on the homesite and ask questions if you have any. Good Luck. We will help if we can. Please don't forget that PROFESSIONAL counseling is best, and there are some great coaches available through this network and others. (((hugs))))

He has an obligation to be completely honest and accountable to you if he really wants the marriage to recover from the affair.

His actions seem to suggest he has not made such a committment.

Until he does starfish is right you might survive the affair only to lose the marriage in recovery.

Dear SickNTired-
Sorry to hear that you are in this situation. I know what you WANT is a faithful spouse and that his denial of your access to his phone and computer make you suspicious...you should be! I have been suspicious of my WS and, as we combined my "surveilance" with lots of talk and effort to rebuild, things have improved. But the surveilance was important...yours should be too!

For the recording, check out the new digital dictaphone recorders...I got an Olympus, it has 3 hours of recording time, is voice activated and cost under $50 at a national office supply store. It is smaller than a candy bar. For his computer, if you can get access to it, consider loading eBlaster and Spectro Pro from www.spectorsoft.com They will record everything done on his computer, even e-mailing you with summaries of what is done (such as his e-mail messages, etc.) They run in stealth mode so only YOU can access them using your password...they are nearly impossible for him to detect. They will also clue you in on his passwords for his e-mail, etc.
In my case, I have told my WS spouse that I have ways of "keeping an eye on her" and told her of a few things that I have seen. It has been helpful in breaking her contact with the OM. But not nearly as helpful as loving conversation......the irony of needing both is TOO BIZARRE, tho.
Of course, there are TONS of legal issues in using these things, also!
Good Luck!