Well I dont know were to start , 7 months ago my wife of 25 years told me she doesent love me anymore , it all started when our oldest child left home, wife just wasent the same very deprest started to confide in her male boss who was a good frind to both of us ,she started to push me away and blamed me for every thing bad in her life we had no good times , now that our kids are growing up she wants to start a life of her own because we have been together since high school and she thinks theres somthing more in life out there for her , she said she has feelings for her boss then said she dident a few weeks later she said she loves her boss, so I called her boss to find out what was going on between them, he had no idea she had feelings for him , he said he told her that he wasent happy in his marrige but he was about to become a grand father and would never leave his family , when he told wife that I spoke to him she was angry said if he would leve his wife she would have affair with him,so I told her I wasent going to be his friend anymore and I dident want him coming over for drinks after work anymore she said that she would still be his friend , I told her she must find a new job to get away from him she agreed but doesent want to work on marrige just wants to go and be alone , said Im not there for her emotionley I dont comunicate with her we just grew apart its not me it her ,if she cluld change how she feels in her hart she would she doesent want to hurt me and kids but cant change how she feels

Wil, welcome to MarriageBuilders. I'm sorry you're here, and welcome nonetheless.

I think you're doing well so far. Your wife is, in all likelihood, quite right that there are things broken in your marriage. Luckily, they're fixable things.

You're right about the first step -- ending contact with the OM. And she's right about the next step -- getting through her grief over the end of that relationship.

You guys won't be able to improve your marriage from where it was until those things happen. There's a lot YOU can do to make sure that it doesn't get worse, though. Read up about LoveBusters on this site, and then do your absolute level best to end them.

And then start to fill the emotional needs that your wife will let you fill. Don't worry about it if she seems completely uninterested and even hostile to you right now. It's par for the course in this very difficult time. Be as gentle and patient as you possibly can. Listen with both ears open, and duct tape your mouth shut if you have to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

And keep reading here and asking questions. There are a lot of good people here who know way too much about the "or worse" side of marriage.

Thanks for your support, I dont know if I doing to much for my wife she wants me to get a life of my own she's tired of being the center of my life being everything to me she wanted me to join the volinteer fire bragade for a long time now so I joind and she was right I enjoy it ,she always wanted me to get involved with the sporting association so I sponsoring them for this cristmas fireworks display to help rais money for the clubs Im meeting lots of people and healping my buisness ,so now I dont spend so much time watching tv , for the last 6 months I have most of the cooking cleaning washing spending time with the kids , I doing back flips , the thing is she never told me all the things that botherd her she just done everything herself never complaned dident nag much just done most of it , now I try to beat her to the sink after dinner to wash up and do a load of washing at night then hang it out in the morning and this is starting to upset her I just cant win , she moved out into the other room cant sleep with me anymore, she clung to me all night for 25 years she allways told me I was the love of her life and allways told me to never leave her our friends that know about our problems cant beleve whats happering to us thay know how close we have allways been and think if we cant make it no one can IM reading Divorce remedy and Love Busters is on its way but how do I know what will work and what wont I dont think I can change anymore Im just what she allways wanted but now she doesen't want me .

Wil: The recovery process for an emotinal or a physical affair are the same. Click on the link in my signature line, and get started. Pay particular attention to the Plan A links, and get Harley's book "Surviving an Affair."

Hi I feel your pain! My H said the same type of things to me- he wasn't in love with me anymore, didn't want to stay married, was pursuing a coworker etc. I felt totally rejected and nothing I was doing seemed to help- the more I pleaded with him, cried, suggested therapy etc the more he pulled away. I didn't realize it at the time but my H was in a HUGE mid-life crisis and also a depression from his mother dying and these things he ended up blaming me for and wanted out of our marriage because he didn't know how to cope with what was really upsetting him deep down. I recommend you follow the advice in "Divorce Remedy' by Michele Weiner-Davis. Give your W lots of emotional space right now. If she suggests divorce tell her calmly that you are against it completely and don't discuss it further with her. You may have to do this many times. She will be angry with you about it because right now she thinks getting rid of you is the answer to her problems. But it isn't- she will be testing you to see if you will let her go but deep down she will be relieved if you don't. The forum section on divorcebusting.com ( Michele Weiner-Davis's site) has message boards to post on about Walk-Away Wives and Mid Life Crisis issues. You could get good support there!This is a long road you are on but one many have travelled before! Take care- lifeismessy

I wanted to add to my previous post that you need to read the book "Surviving an Affair" right away!!! Enmotional affairs lead quickly to physical ones and are the hardest to break up. Harley has excellent advice in that book! I also wanted to say that my H and I are now 2 yrs past his affair and he told me this wkend he thanks God every day that I was willing to take him back and that we are still a family today.

Thanks everyone for advice, WE had big fight last night , and we never fight she thinks thats been a problem with us not fighting , well we made up for lost time last night , kids were there and saw the whole thing , she told them she doesen't love boss just very good friends , he is also good friend to our kids,she just wants out cant live here anymore' wants own life before its to late ,been doing everything for me since she was 15 years old cant do it anymore ,12 year old and 17 year old still at home very upset I stormd off to bed last night and eldest son spoke to mum told her not to give up on dad gave her book Divorce Remedy she read some last night and I saw her reading when I went to work this morning , I think she is reading so she can tell the kids she tryed , wish Love Busters would hurry up and get here.

Wil:
Have you validated her feelings at all? If I'm understanding your right, she entered into a relationship with you when she (and you too I'm sure) was just a teenager, and was on the wife/mommy track from then on. I think at this time in her life it's completely normal for her to wonder what she missed out on. I think the approach you need to take is working together to help her find ways she can broaden her horizons while keeping (and strengthening) her bond with you. If you can do that, it should be rewarding for both of you. This isn't to disagree with the other advice you are getting. I'm just trying to point out that when she expresses dissatisfaction with her life right now, there's probably a very legitimate complaint at the root of it all. At the moment, it looks like dissatisfactin with marriage and children, but if you look deeper, it's probably regret over lost opportunities and an unquenchable desire to finally spread her wings.

I don't know if I'm making any sense to you. Both of you have to accept that life as it was will no longer work for you guys. That doesn't mean the marriage is over. You just need to start nourishing the parts of you that have been neglected and give your marriage the new environment it now needs.

Thanks for the advice,I do understand what your saying shr even said maybe we were married to young ? my feelings for her have only gotten stronger with each year,she has always had her own life with sports and other intrests I have never tryed to hold her back or stop her from doing her own thing , before daughter left home thay did everything together played on the same sports team daughters dancing and modeling and many other things kept wife on the move, when she left home last Nov wife has never been the same, very down on me , were going to visit daughter this Cristmas because she cant come down this year and I dont want this to be the first Cristmas were not all together , maybe wife might decide to work on marrage if we all have a good time or if the kids tie her up and tell her to get profesional help ,but until she decides to work on things its like were all talking to a brick wall.

Wife is now saying that money is a big issue and not EA ,said she never felt she could spend money without asking me first .she said Im to cotroling with our money,Im always trying to save. Son wants me to appoligese to boss for my behavior ,son thinks it will go a long way towards calming her down and make me the bigger man , but what if she realy is stuck on him? maybe she doesen't want to be exposed !all of us high profile in area.