IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE THAT HAS FOLLOWED MY STORY (OR HAS THE TIME TO READ IT NOW), I COULD REALLY USE YOUR ADVICE ON THIS ONE...

Even though I just recently read about "Plan A", I have actually been practicing it for the last 6 months. Unfortunately, my H is only just beginning to understand that Plan A can only go so far, and that it takes TWO for it to be successful.

Last Sunday, I caught my H in another lie about who he was with the night before. Since then, he made a bunch of promises to me, admitted some of his lies to the OW, and didn’t call her again. …..Until last night.

I went out for about 45 minutes to run an errand and when I came home, I came right out and asked him if he had called the OW while I was gone. He said that he hadn’t, but he knew that I could tell he was lying again, so he shamefully admitted it. I went to bed, he read some more of the material that I had printed from this website (because he knew that it was important to me), and he spent the rest of the night in the other room, feeling lousy about himself.

I know that he was totally sincere, this morning, when I was crying and he held me and told me how much he hated what he has been putting me through. After reading that post from Trueheart, he finally got a CLUE about MY ENs. But, as soon as I stopped crying, he took some money, went down to his favorite hang-out for breakfast and, several hours later, I broke down again and called him. He was still there, hanging out with his friends but he said that he was coming home soon. He could tell that I was still upset, but I tried to let it go – there were no LBs. When it stopped raining and the sun came out, he finally came home - but only to get on his motorcycle and leave again. He knew that I was unhappy about that, but he left anyway and was gone for the rest of the day without even calling me. So, even though he has finally realized that he should start paying more attention to MY needs, he turned right around and continued to be selfish.

After a few more hours, I called him again and committed a few LBs, which only made him more reluctant to come home. He ignored the rest of my calls, forcing me to talk to his voicemail over and over again, so I ended up committing the biggest LB of them all…. I said that I was going to get online and start filing for a divorce. THAT’S when he finally called me back. But he still didn’t have anything nice to say - he was just defensive, (claiming that he’d just been spending time trying to get his head together and figure out what to do about the mess that he’s gotten himself into), and he STILL wasn’t on his way home, so I just committed more LBs and hung up on him. He kept calling, still unkind, so I kept hanging up. Consequently, he still hasn’t come home, probably just to spite me. (It is now 2am). He knows when I’ve gotten to the point where everything I say and do is just a manipulative attempt to get him to come home and give me the attention that I want. But I don’t just want it anymore, I NEED IT! And I think I deserve it. If he cares at all about my ENs, he shouldn’t have even let me get to this point.

He should have stayed with me when he saw me crying and knew that I needed him, he should have answered my phone calls and he should have come home when he knew that I had gotten desperate enough to leave manipulative messages on his voicemail. Instead, he chose to ignore me and upset me to the point of no return. It wouldn’t have gotten to this point if he had just, for once, put his own needs aside for mine. But he is only concerned with his own ENs and isn’t even thinking thinking about what he should or could do for me and my ENs.

I know that it may seem hasty for me to expect so much when it appears that he’s just beginning to come out of the fog, but I have been going through this for over 6 months, and when he finally did realize that I had needs, too, he chose to ignore them, anyway.

I want to move on to Plan B but neither one of us has a place to go to for more than a day or two, nor can either one of us afford to pay for a place to stay. If I divorce him, I will basically be forcing him out onto the street. So my question is…..

Am I still wrong for the LBs? Should I try to continue with Plan A? Or Should I do what I said I would and file for the divorce?

Hi, KTF! I followed your story for awhile, but it's been awhile. I am sorry this has happened to you. I would only say that your KINDNESS and Plan Aing him can only go so far when he continues to be selfish and ignore you like he has. Going out all day, being unkind, hanging out with his buddies instead of spending time with YOU and trying to work on your Marriage? Bad moves on his part. It sounds like he really doesn't care - his actions are certainly speaking very loudly and clearly. Perhaps when he's served with D Papers, it just might wake him up into realizing he's fixing to lose the best thing that ever happened to him...
JMHO. Harold
You hit it on the head: it takes TWO to make something work, and ONE can't do it by herself!

When you run out of gas in Plan A, it is already past time to start Plan B.

John is right, when you run out of steam for Plan A, it's Plan B time. You need enough steam left over to carry you through Plan B and into Recovery.

Is the affair ended? If not, have you done exposure and negotiation for an end to the affair?

Keep the faith - it CAN work.