<small>[ December 12, 2003, 11:47 PM: Message edited by: robnjim ]</small>

" She claims that time will eventually desolve their friendship but that she can not live without him in her life. "

The question that you should ask her is if she can live without you being in her life. My friend, if you go along with her having another man in her life you will be enabling her to continue the affair. She needs to see the consequences of her actions. That is, you moving on with your life without her, and the breaking up of her family.

Hello,

I agree with Yosh. How do you think your wife would react if the roles would have been reversed?
I think you would have to be mentally castrated to accept a situation like this. She gets to be legally married to you with all the benefits and continues to stay in contact with her lover who she became pregnant with. What is wrong with this picture?
I would suggest immediate counseling and absolutely no contact. If she refuses then contact an attorney for further options since apparently you have become Mr. Safetynet while she continues to stay in contact with her lover.
You should not have to accept such humiliation and disrespect. Again if the roles were reversed I doubt she would be accepting like you have been.
The old saying applies here: "No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change." Most men would have left her after she became pregnant with the other man and professed her love for him.
You have accepted her back and she tells you that you just have to live with her contact with him?
If you don't respect yourself then why should she?
Down deep do you really think she can respect you for accepting this situation and allowing her to continue contact with the OM? Clearly she has no respect for your or your marriage. It is sad that you feel you have to accept such humiliation and disrespect. Please seek counseling for yourself. You do not have to accept this. I wish you luck.

robnjim:

The simple answer is no, you can't rebuild your marriage with this OM in the pic2re.

Her career is more important 2 her than her family right now.

She is afraid of the truth coming out, and so she will continue 2 be vulnerable 2 the predators around her. Especially now, she'll be even more likely 2 be taken advantage of in the fu2re.

The only way 2 end this madness is 2 blow it wide open. She's been wronged by members of her academy. How can she ever expect 2 have a fulfilling career with that kind of baggage?

If I were you, I'd find out who both these men are and first and foremost inform their wives.

While you're at that, read all you can from the home page about how affairs happen and how they should end. There is a lot of work you need 2 do, as a betrayed spouse, 2 make yourself the more attractive choice for your wife 2 make with regard 2 her fu2re. She must be willing 2 give up her other man, but this won't be an easy thing for her 2 do or you 2 wait for for some time. Read all you can on the home page about "plan A" and "plan B". You should be in plan A right now, while she still appears 2 want 2 be home. The most important thing 2 do at this point is 2 avoid "love busters", things like angry outbursts, disrespectful judgements, and the like. You want her 2 WANT 2 be with you, and if you're angry or insecure around her, she won't want 2. Don't try 2 make sense of her behavior or choices, it'll make you as crazy as she must be right now.

Ask he if she'd go 2 counseling with you. If she will, then great. If she won't, go for your own benefit and for your kids. PREPARE yourself for a separation or divorce, but don't GO there willingly. Fight for your marriage, if it's what you want.

-2long

Hello Again,

I hope you read and reread the post from 2Long since it was excellent and he gave you excellent advise of what to do. Good Luck.

If you are both against abortion, I think it is a big mistake, one that will never be forgotten. Also this does not appear to be the right career for her - 2 slips so far.

The border patrol sounds like what I witnessed in the USAF about 15 years ago. In the military, it was not unusual to see wives and husbands at the NCO club after their spouses left for temporary duty. They would drink and often end up going home with someone after a night of heavy drinking. Your wife cannot live the life that you have described and hope to remain married. If she is unwilling to give up the OM, then you need to move into Plan "A" as soon as possible. You are duty bound to notify the spouses of the men that your wife has been intimate with. You also need to be tested for STD's if you have been intimate with your wife since she has had sex with other men. It is time for you to have some serious discussion with her to determine whether or not her career or her family comes first.