Well, If I can see through the tears and stop my hands from shaking, maybe I can type. This site and postings have been a blessing.<P>I just came from our joint counselling session. It looked like we were making progress on identifying the root of W's pain. When asked to describe herself she said "I feel like a little girl who's in a box, naked and bleeding". (Childhood sexual abuse) I almost collapsed from the pain and sadness I felt. This whole ordeal has been brewing for the entire 7 years of our marriage. It just culminated itself in this EMA. I was a drunk and an addict and got sober before I ever met my wife. Right now she is simply incapable of making a rational decision. That being the case, she would not agree to anything, including ending the EMA. Then came the Plan B letter.<P>My Plan B is altered somewhat to suit the circumstances. I made arrangements for her mental health care which may include inpatient treatment. During our session, she was acknowledging her dysfunction but she can't grasp the relationship with that to her behavour. My Plan B is more designed to help a person with a serious illness (like a drunk)in that I cannot nor any other family member who loves her) force her to get help to heal. All I have done is help raise the bottom.<P>My Plan B is not only a "me or OM" ultimatim as that one issue is not the only thing that prevents us from moving forward toward recovery. I posted my Plan B letter earlier and thank's to NSR, I revised it several times over. <P>It did include the statement that so long as the affair continues, I must stop all contact. Period. But I also made it very clear that WE both need help and I am on her team if she choses to let US heal together. My real ultimatim, as it were, is that she gets help. Upon reading the Plan B letter, she exploded in anger, claimed I have no right to take her babies, etc. I assured her the kids are fine and will be well protected and reminded her of that she told me I was the nest daddy she had even known. She was still quite pissed and sobbing. I expected this. I even told her that I was willing and able to provide for US (her) to get help and that I was prepared to pay any amount needed to get her well. Then, after getting healthy, she could still chose to leave me. I am, after all, still her husband and I took a vow before God to also protect her, even if it's from herself.<P>I left her with the counselor and the list of doctors and hospitals and left my insurance card if it was needed. I pray she comes to the realization that she needs help to heal from her abuse and can start to put her life back together.<P>Whether or not I am in that future life is not known, I can only hope.<P>My prayers are with my wife.....may God bless her.<P>John

NewMan:<P>While in plan B, I suggest that you start counseling with Steve Harley here at MarriageBuilders (888-639-1639). He should be able to give you some support as you go through this, and he'll also help you make the behavioral changes necessary for you to have a successful marriage (this is K's way of saying you need work on lovebusters... )<P>Good luck---it's a long road.

Okay "K", I'm clueless. Please help me identify the LB's.

John,<P>I admire your courage in taking this step. It has to be really hard. But, you're absolutely right, in that if your W doesn't get help to address her personal problems, there will be no chance for your marriage. I sincerely hope she takes advantage of your offer and gets the help she so desperately needs. Hang tough, & be strong. We're here to help you through.

Thanks for your encouragement and support. It's really hard. <P>One of the promises of AA is "No matter how far down we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others". Maybe God can use my recovery to help me help my wife now?<P>W just called me at work sobbing and sais she knows she can't have contact but she's just asking about the kids. I assured her they are fine and will be with their Daddy. She said she was going back to meet with our counselor, I hope she opts to get help. The counselor has my insurance card and can get her admitted if she chooses. I pray she makes the right choice but maybe the reality of the consequences still needs to take effect as she is currently in "shock".<P>I leave for my parents home in DC tonight with the 3 kids. I know I will be surrounded by love and TLC. I probably can sleep more then 3 hours for the first time in 2 months. I hope I can eat again and not throw-up. I really need the rest. <P>I won't be posting until after 12/28 so God bless you all and I wish everyone a Merry Christmas.<P>John