Hello again everyone.

Ok, my obsession with the OW is getting out of control. I wanted to know where she lives so I remembered that I know her ex-boyfriend from work so I called him up (with the intention of asking for her address of course) but I never talk to the guy so of course he would have wondered what that was all about. ( I wasn't thinking about telling him anything). Well, I hung up but not before my name got recorded into his caller id. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
He sent an e-amil to OW asking if she knew what that was all about. She called my H, he called me (very upset) and now all of a sudden I am the bad person because I was trying to hurt someone else that had nothing to do with this whole thing.

Unbelievable!!. OW just sent me an e-mail saying that she knows I she deserves no consideration from me (darn right!) but she is asking to please not tell her boy friend because learning of something like that would hurt him more that I can imaging....ahhh!! can you believe her!!!more than I can imagine?...I don't have to imagine anything...I know what it feels like!!! I am telling you, I could strangle that woman right now!.

Anyhow...isn't it interesting how much we care about hurting the people we love but yet don't give a @#$#% about other people's feelings. She makes me sick.

If you have her name and home phone number, why can't you look up her address on the internet?

I have her name and her cell phone number but not her land line number (I don't think she has one). It's like she doesn't exist! There are no records of her whatsoever! ...she is very real though...

I know exactly what you are feeling

I called my H MOW husband and met with him.
We talked for hrs and cryed.

I only promised not to call the MOW not her Husband.

He asked if he could tell her I said yes and of
course she called my H and **** hit the fan
Her husband added a few things to it also.

Like she better get home now cause my truck just went by him.And I was going to harm her. My H called me while she was on the phone I was 45 min. at home with kids.

Then they starting argueing who's spouse was lieing it was really funny to see them argue back and forth.

I say tell the boyfriend
Everyone in a affair has the right to know the truth.And be able to make their on choices.

Just my two cents worth.
but remember I am in the same boat so my advice may not be worth much.

Feeling .. sorry to hear your situation .. In my opionion, you should tell the boyfriend.. or ex boyfriend if they were together at the time .. for a couple of reasons

1. He deserves to know the truth!

2. It puts presure on whatever relationship they have and also on any relationship that your Husband and OW have.

3. She wasn't very considerate of your feelings when she was having an affair with your husband so why worry about hers.

again I'm sorry for your pain .. L&C

Isn't it funny that when the affair partner's spouse or lover is told about the affair it is the messanger's fault. They just don't get it do they?

I love my wife deeply and pray every day that she will return to being my wife. I will accept her back and work hard to build a better marriage.

Thank you sooo much for your comments. I was feeling very frustrated when this whole thing happened and all of a sudden I somehow ended up being the least considerate person in the planet (when honestly I had no intention of telling him anything).

See, the thing is, according to my husband they weren't seeing each other (OW and ex-boyfriend) during their A. So I really don't understand why she is so upset about him finding out...it's not like she was cheating on him. So, my gut feeling on this one is that my husband is lying and she was cheating on him. Wow...what a lovely "quartet"...and we had no idea.

I am going through one of those down moments again, spent all night crying last night and woke up crying...still crying...can't do any work. And somehow I still love my husband to death. I hate the OW but I can't hate him. Why? He was the one who deceived me and lied to my face for a whole year...am I just in denial?...Is this normal? Can you love and hate at the same time? Maybe I am just afraid of moving on without him. He is the only man I have ever been with...maybe that's just it. I want to try and work it out because I love him but deep down inside I don't think I will be able to put what happened behind us...things will never be the same between us...I think I am just a time bomb waiting to explode.

I don't want to tell the exboyfriend...he doesn't deserve to go through what I am going through...he loves this girl too much.

The OW's boyfriend deserves to know. You are not doing it to destroy that relationship, but he deserves to know the truth of the relationship that they are in.

Sorry for your pain, things will get better, pain fades over time and love and trust can be mended. It takes time and patience. I am not there yet, but I have learned what it takes to heal. Work on eachothers emotional needs. Get lost in the service of your husband, and make sure he is servicing your needs. Work to the future and the past will take care of itself.

I agree .. you need to tell him the truth, if it was he that found out .. wouldn't you want him to tell you?

I'm sorry you are so down , I do know the feeling about being a walking timebomb .. I think most of us here do. Hang in there .. I hope today brings you some laughter and some smiles.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I know it is hard to do that, I don't want to either ..

I'd tell X-boyfriend or current boyfriend, what ever he may really be.

I don't get it of course, if they weren't seeing each other during the A why would it matter if he knew?

I believe we are all entitled to the truth, how ever difficult it may be to handle.

Another thing to consider are STD's. His health and everyone else involved are all at risk. I personally don't think it's fair for someone to be at such a high risk then what they may think they are.

Just make sure if you do tell him, it is for the right reasons. Not out of spite, anger, resentment or hatred for OW.

Wow, everyone here seems to agree that I should tell this guy what has been going on.

I promised my husband that I wouldn't say anything and I also replied to the OW's e-mail and told her that she should not worry about me, that I agree with her, if he is going to find out it should be from her, not me. She asked me to please not tell him, to let her tell him.

Do you think I should try to find out if she told him and if she didn't then I should tell him?
I know this guy and he is really nice, I would really hate to have to break the news to him. But like you are saying, by making him aware of what is going on will probably make the realtionship between my H and OW more difficult (although my husband swears he is never going to do it again...but you never know, if he doesn't get SF at home, I fear he will stray again...).Having the boyfriend know the situation may help under this conditions...

This is all so unveliable...I never thought I would find myself in a situation like this...sure I am not the only one!.