I just found out in the past three weeks that my husband is having an emotional affair with a woman he met while away in training. He met her back in March sometime, but just recently started pulling away from his family (me, daughter and foster son who we have had since August), he got a new phone, getting his Lasik eye surgery, starting to work out, just a lot of little things that seemed odd. I went to look at his new phone and he about knocked me over trying to get it from me. He lied about a persons name on the phone and then he admitted that he was talking to a "friend." I even found a note in his pocket that read Everytime we say goodbye I cry just a little. I confronted him about it and he said maybe he was writing that to me. I swear he thinks I am stupid. I started monitoring how often he was using this phone. He used in 15 days 1000 minutes. I confronted him about it and he of course lied. We used to talk and were open with each other and now he sits and doesn't say much. We went recently to his x-mas party and he got trashed and had the nerve to stand in the men's bathroom trying to talk to her while I was standing outside waiting for him. I woke up early the next morning, took his phone to church with me, after church I came home and he asked if I had his phone and I told him I put it into the Goodwill box. He was livid. He said he was going to go get it and I told him if he does, he needs to pack a bag and go someplace else to stay because I was not going to put up with him having this emotional afair with this other woman who supposedly is just a friend (she is supposedly married w/ kids). He didn't go. I had bought a new phone thinking that I was going to talk to him with it (before I knew about this other woman) and he wanted to take my phone the next morning and I again tried to pack his bag. He unpacked it. He said he was mad at me for taking his phone. I said well duh I would be mad to if he had taken my source of infidelity away from me. He says that she is on my side, but she went out and bought a new walkie talkie phone so they could both talk for free to each other. WHAT AM I STUPID? He supposedly cancelled his phone service, but how would I know for sure if he just didn't go out and buy another? He says he wants to work this out, but then comes home every night and won't talk to me. I try to talk to him, but he just shuts me out. The only time he wants to be receptive is when he wants sex. I am not offering that anymore because he just turns around the next day and is back to being withdrawn. How do we get over this hump and get back to being ourselves? He is going to go see a counselor tomorrow which is a good thing, but I don't know how to go back trusting in what he tells me.

Thanks for listening.

Welcome to MB. Glad to see you made it here. It will really help your marriage to stick with the MB program. Right now you need to start in Plan A. Read all about it here.

No the OW is not on your side, that's just more fog talk and lies. He needs to have NC with her, and you need to let her H know what is going on.

Your H is in the fog - and may not come out for awhile. In the meantime, keep reading and posting here. You will get lots of help.

I am sorry, what is NC? I wish I knew how to get ahold of her H. I don't know much about her yet. I was waiting until I could get the phone bill, but he made sure it was sent somewhere else and I was going to get it off the website, but since the phone has been reported lost, I the account has been closed. I wish I would have held off for another week to see what her name was on that bill.

LostinIN:

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but you came to a great place to chat with others. This board has been a lifesaver for me over the past 18 months of hell I've lived.

My WH (wayword husband) was also involved with OW (other woman) in an EA (emotional affair). He met her on a business trip, and called her constantly when he returned home. When I found out, he bought and hid a secret phone just for contact w/ OW.

As long as your husband feels he isn't doing anything wrong, he will not stop the behavior. He must take responsibility for his actions and realize his actions are hurtful.

My WH still doesn't think what he did was considered an "affair"; hence, no real remorse, just mad he got caught. My situation hasn't gotten much better (4 major lies over the past 18 months), but I can tell you to trust your instincts. Once you been hurt once, you will notice the signs sooner than before. I still get a knot in my stomach when my WH is acting weird, and yep . . . . .he's e-mailed or called her again!

Thoughts, prayers and hugs to you.

I wish I would have waited a little longer before I took his phone. Now I have no way of finding out from the bill her real name or where she is even from. I think he has lied to me about where she lives and what her name is. He had his phone bill sent to a family business (that is closed). I am tempted to start checking the mail to find this bill. Am I wrong for needing this info. He is not willing to give me the password to the account to see if he has cancelled the phone.