I am so tired of talking. W told me last night that the reason she does not show here feelings like I do is because she was not raised that way. I hurt so badly. I go to coulceling every week. Sometimes three time per week. I am so tire of talking. So worn out. W seems like she it tired of talking too. I still feel nothing. No love. No hate. Nothing. I could not care if Christmas comes or not. I have two wonderful childeren, but I can't even seem to get into the Christmas spirit with them around. One is three and the other is ten. I am in the military and will have to leave around the 22nd of Jan. I do not want to go. I do not believe that I will be able to concenterate on my job at hand if I do go. I just want to find my old self again. I am not a patient man, and I am just flat out<P>TIRED!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>DP

what branch of the military are you in?<P>My husband is in the military also(navy)<P>amanda<BR><P>------------------<BR>I will love my husband "Always & Forever" <BR>thevancefamily@hotmail.com<P><BR>

D1P,<P>We all understand the impact and pain of the spouse having an affair. But I'm not sure what's happened with you two over the past two months. Is she working on the marriage also (i.e., counseling with you?), are you trying to meet her needs? My wife had an EA recently (just as bad, believe it or not), but I can't deny my love for her, it's our foundation, no matter how fierce the pain. She has love for me, and I for her, and although the Love is very much clouded by the EA, it's there deep within. So I don't understand how you can say that you feel no Love - IF YOU FEEL FEAR, THEN THERE'S PROBABLY LOVE THERE SOMEWHERE. And if there is love, even in one of you, then your marriage has hope.

I understand how you can say you feel nothing.<P>I feel the same way. My H had an extended affair that I found out about 18+ months ago. I still feel nothing for long periods of time. It used to come in waves of nothing, then fear then nothing, then hope, then anger, then nothing again.<P>I feel that my feelings were so deeply wounded that they didn't and won't ever heal, they have just scarred over. I have a large scar from a surgery I had a year ago. It is numb, no sensory at all most of the time. Other times it is so hypersensitive that my clothes even hurt. Other times if rubbed just the right way it feels okay. If I bump it or hurt it somehow it hurts far worse than it should. I have learned to over protect that part of my body because the pain can be terrible. I have done the same thing with my heart and my feelings.<P>Another anology is this, some people scar worse than others. Some people heal with hardly any outward signs and no discomfort. Others will be affected by it for the rest of their lives and must learn to live with it.<P>The doctor that performed the surgery said that to improve the feeling of the scar I needed to expose it to sensory stimulation. I need to rub it and massage it and let it learn to feel again. It will never be back to normal, but it will even out the feeling somewhat. I try to do this, but it still hurts. If I don't continue to endure the pain then it will not improve as much or possibly not improve at all.<P>The same thing needs to be done to our hearts. I'm being very stubborn about that. I sometimes feel that the numbness is a blessing.<P>I'm obviously in a philosophical mood today. Maybe it's the full moon.