I recently found that my wife of 25 years has had an internet, affair. She says it was not sexual but emotional. Something I have read a lot of here. I found out by mistake. I gave here the chance to talk to me but in the end had to confront her with it to find out the real truth.

I was angry, threatening, etc. She said it was already over. I demanded she remove any and all communication from her email and to permanelty block this person. She did.

Of course after reading this site, that was probably a mistake. I was just so hurt. I am not good at emotional issues and apparently not good at reading or listening to hers. She is now cold and distant and still on the internet although she says without her "other".

I can read on how to deal with this and I understand the listening, emotion giving, etc. But just starting seems so hard. I feel so lost and confused and untrusting. I want this marriage to work, but don't know how to get there. I can't afford counseling and have few friends to talk to .

My wife is a bright, funny, intellectual person but so distant now. I pray to God for answers and I am afraid this one will be no. How do I get rid of this pain?

I know this is long and I appreciate your understaning.
Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hang in there, you have taken a very big step in coming here.

By showing your W that you are willing to work on this M with her, she will likely not be as cold and distant as you are experiencing now. The best thing to do is to read Surviving An Affair by Dr. Harley. There are exercises in there that you can do that will assist you in breaking down some of those barriers as well as the Emotional Needs questionairre in His Needs, Her Needs.

Keep coming here, you will get some great advice.

Thanks. I have been reading the MB site for most of today. I came across it after an ask jeeves search.

The site has been real helpful today and I know I have a lot of work to do. I am having a hard time getting by this though especially this time of year. I don't know if it is really over, if she is addicted to the IM or the challenge of the secretness of it all. Plus just trying to daily communicate is very difficult. Like walking around on egg shells all the time. I know that time heals a lot of wounds. She says she is getting counseling through her work, I am hoping to find some help here. thanks