Hello everyone,
I've glanced through the forum and found a lot of stories similar to mine. Just found out last week (on my birthday) that he's recently cheated. He has always been my best friend. I'm just now trying to establish a real support network so that I can survive this (the Alprazolam is helping too).

He's agreed to cut off all contact with OW now, but has no romantic feelings for me. I fear so much that he'll fall back in her arms if he continues to not have feelings for me, but I also know he won't want me until he's gotten over his infatuation with her.

Please help! Anyone out there who was able to get through this initial time and begin to be romantically involved again?

bestfriendbetrayed - Welcome to MB. Sorry you are here. What an awful time of year to find out, and on your birthday too. But you have come to the right place. Many here have gotten through this and back with their marriage better than ever. Start with Plan A. Also H needs to write a no contact letter to OW. It should be very short, letting her know that he has decided to work on his marriage and will have no contact with her. Luckily you have found this place at exactly the right time.

When you first find out, all your emotions lead you to do the wrong thing. I threw my H out the day I found out - now he is living with OW. He tried to have NC with her but would always go back after only a day. I made it very unsafe for him to come back to marriage. Anyway, keep reading and posting here. It really helps. You will get lots of support and good advice. Hang in there, you can get through this.

Thanks for your support. He promised he'd go to MC with me on Wednesday, so I'm waiting for then to do anything else. But, it sounds like he's already given up on ever feeling romantic and sexual with me again. I really don't know what to do.

I can't stop thinking that he's comparing me (33, with one child) to her (22 with none) and all the excitement and passion that comes with the fear, shame, and nervousness of a new affair.

How could I possibly compete with this?

You are his wife. So you have the advantage. Read about Plan A, because it can make a huge difference. It is about not Love Busting - read all about it here. It is a way to show him that the marriage is a better choice right now. They are all the same when they are under the influence of the OW - but that can change. Keep reading and posting. Good luck.

Go out and purchase yourself a Christmas gift.....Surviving An Affair. There is great advice in there from the Harleys.

He needs to write a NC (no contact) letter and his ego fog filled mind tells him that he's not "in love" with you because if he lets himself feel the feelings that he has for his lovely wife, he will feel the depths of hell for what he has done to her (you).

Hang in there, it's a bumpy ride, but you can get through it.

Thanks, I might get that book. I ordered a couple of "infidelity survival" books and this morning after our MC H asked to have one to read. I guess that's progress.

H went into MC with the attitude that this was the first step toward separating, but afterward he said he'd be willing to "suspend" the A while we work things out - and demand that OW not contact him, and he won't contact her. I think if H can get through the initial mourning/addiction/infatuation phase of his feelings for OW, then he'll be able to send the final "it's over forever" letter.

I talked openly about how I believed his immediate emotions (mourning, longing, etc.) were clouding his current decisions and that he was not listening to his true heart and mind. Also, the counselor said that he needs to listen to the advice from all his good friends and family - they know him very well and their reactions can tell him a lot about what he'll really want in the long run. Those two things really seemed to get through to him.

Tonight his father (social worker) will have a long, serious chat with him. His family is being so supportive of me - I'm so glad I have them right now.

Now, if only I could start eating again I might be able to cope with life.