Thank you for all your advice! I wish I could throw his computer out the window but he'd call the police and have me charged with domestic violence.Here in the state of CO. you can't even slam a door or they'll lock you up.When this all happened my husband had to go to DV classes for awhile, I attended a few of the womens volintarily just so I could get some insight on how to communicate with him and how to handle situations but I was already doing everything they were suggesting.I'm not totally stupid I do have common sence. I do appriciate all of your responses and it has helped alot.Thank you for being such a great support.That's something I don't have here since I'm with him.My family has "shunned me out".Well something interesting happened last night.He was very sweet to me when I got home from work and that sent up a flag.I wondered all evening what was going on.Well my suspisions were confirmed when his friend John called and he started talking about the OW.MH told me to listen to the conversation,I thought that was really weired. She does want to get back together with MH but apperently MH thinks she just used him and she isn't telling the truth,she avoids certain questions and changes the subject so apperently he told her not to contact him again but I'm sure not in such simple words. Do I buy it? NO!I've been with him long enough to know how he talks and I can even read his body language but it's to the point now I don't care.I'm finding that I can't live like this the rest of my life.He's not the man I fell in love with.I've gone above and beyond as a wife and friend.I even held him while he cried when she ended it the first time.After everything he's done to me and my children I'm able to separate myself from him in that respect.The pain and heartache I've suffered through out the years has made me stronger and I desided along time ago that he wouldn't distroy me as the person I am and want to be, and he hasn't.So in alot of ways I have taken a stand for myself,I just sit back and watch now.Your so right,I have nothing to loose.If I loose myself in all this mess my children will have no one.They have also been a great inspiration to me.His addiction is so intense that even when his family comes over he doesn't stop and give them his full attention.I'm not even embaressed anymore.They all know.I've just come to the conclusion I don't want this and he doesn't care enough to change so I can honestly walk away knowing that I've tried everything in my power to make things better for us but the only thing he sees is his monitor.I hope they're happy,HA!,HA!.Right now I'm just taking it day by day,and with his personnality moment by moment because I've learned.He could be calling me honey,sweetie, babe one minute then and hour later I'm no one.Even his tone of voice changes.That's how in tune I am to this situation.He's taught me alot.I'm finally climing out of my little fantasy world of how a marriage should be and how we should be that way when in reallity we're never going to be.When I go home now I just do my own thing,I don't ask questions and it's always hard to make conversation with him anyway.I do wonder if his conversation he had with his friend was sincere.It's hard to tell because he asked his friend to get on the computer while he was even talking with him on the phone.I know if my husband would find a job it would help him feel better about himself and our situation but it would be a mirricle if he did.Anyway I'm on my way home now. Wonder if I'm still honey,sweetie or mudd.We still sleep in the same bed,I don't want to sleep in my kids room on the floor again but I feel uncomfortable.I feel like I'm sending a message to him that I'll be here no matter what and I don't like that.We have all girls or I'd ask him to sleep in one of their rooms,they wouldn't like that at all and he wouldn't do it anyway.Any suggestions??This is such a weired feeling for me but I know it's a good one,survival in every asspect at this point.As long as I keep my head on straight I'll be ok.Thank you again for your kind words and I'm so sorry that we had to meet this way. God Bless
Mand