my w is having a affair with a coworker. she will not tell me anything just lies. has anyone have a ws that had had affair with coworker and ended it and is still working at the same job. me and wife does not live together. what can i do to get her from being with coworker. and be with me we have three kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

anyone

My h had a 5 mth affair with a co-worker. He says it ended 2 weeks prior to me finding out, I say the last time they had sex was probably 2 weeks before I found out, because the night I found out he was on a 1/2 hr lunch for 2 hours.

They still work in the same place. He finally changed his work hours to where they pass through the door when he goes in, she goes out. (One night they work together 4 hrs. It has helped some, although I know crap went on on his lunch and during the day when I was at work.

After the first day after d-day he told me he wanted me and told her he could not be "friends" anylonger. Through these horrible 3 mths I have days I believe him and moments don't. The last 3 weeks have been better than "normal" (pre-A) He has told me that she is dating someone else (Found out in therapy she is dating another married man who is supposably in marriage problems with an alcholoic wife. This crazy B++++ never learns. If I could find out who this guy is I would call and tell his wife, though she won't have to worry about him getting the ow pg, as my h already did that and she's 6 mths along)

ANYWAY....If I truely believe my h, he ended it himself. I don't think you can make a ws end it, they have to do it of their own accord. What you must decide is do you draw a line and say "cross that line and I want you out" or do you just keep taking the abuse and disrespect. You have to tell them enough is enough, and mean it. They are like children, give them an inch they take mile. You keep accepting things, they will keep taking, as they are in a very selfish mode.

my wife will not tell me anything all lies. but she knows that i know. she works with om. how do i get her to open up to me. she is in the fog heavy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am just fumbling through this myself, but personally I don't think there is a way to force her to open up. I think the best thing is to pick up the peices of your life and try and make the best of things. Change things around the house, get together with friends, do things for yourself. I don't mean to shut her out, but basically caring for yourself may show her "hey, what am I missing here?" That is what I did, yes I cried many tears, but I refused to grovel after my man. I love him, with all my heart, but I have respect for myself. It seemed when he saw he didn't break me it opened his eyes to the woman I am, a woman that is strong and deserves respect.

well this is so tuff on my kids .wife just lies to me the kids. i dont live with her and she is chaseing the om like she is lost i will to work it out with wife but all i get is lies any free time she has she is with om she will not tell me anything she knows that i know but she just lies. if she will not talk about it hoe can i work on it the om has her brainwashed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

OK im not the one to tell you this cuz i cant walk the walk just because i talk the talk.But from experince... i had (having) an affair with someone i work with i told my huspand and i told him it was one time (lie) and that he doesnt work with me anymore(lie).This has been going on for about 4 months and i dont want to end it.I mean i do but then when i see him i dont want too.I have feelings for this person.I know its not right in anyway.I wont even go to church anymore.But the only way i can stop seeing him is if one of us is gone......Shes gonna lie to you.just like ill lie to my huspand.this sounds bad but its wanting the cake and eating it too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Shes gonna lie to you.just like ill lie to my huspand.this sounds bad but its wanting the cake and eating it too.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">she will not tell me anyhthing. i wish she would tell me something so we can work this out. are you going to ever give up the affair and tell your husband. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

eemd,

There is a way to end an affair at work....it's called "exposure". Work related affairs have legal ramifications. Write to her boss and his boss (if they aren't the same) and expose this work related affair that puts the company at risk for litigation....inject some conflict and don't chicken out. Could she lose her job? You bet. But that is not your fault. Will she be angry? Of course she will....but that's not a good enough reason to let this continue when the future of three children hang in the balance.

anyone else what do u thank about what starfish said. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am going through the same thing. I just found out about the affair with his coworker 5 days ago, so I am still in shock. I immediately kicked him out of the house and told him to quit his job. He says he wants me back, but he isn't willing to quit his job yet, so they still see each other. He tells me that it is over and that they barely speak to each other, but I believe that, as long as they have any kind of contact, it will happen again.

But I cannot make him quit his job and drop all contact with her - he has to want to do that. He has to realize that there is no future with them and that there might be one with me. But I am not promising anything - I don't even know if this marriage is worth salvaging - we have only been married for 4 months and this affair has been going on for 6 - so as far as I am concerned, it was never a marriage in the first place.

Sorry, I know I am all over the board right now and my thoughts aren't cohesive, I just don't know what to do. Sorry for not being much help to you, but I guess the bottom line is: you can't make him leave his job or leave the OW, he has to want to.