Hi everyone

This is my first post on here and I'm just hoping some of you can understand what I'm going through. I found out a few weeks ago that my fiance had cheated on me. I was devastated. I wanted to try and make things work but he said he hadn't loved me or wanted me for months before the cheating and he ended it.

He was my first love. We got together when I was 14, we're both 19 now, and please don't expect us as being the typical teenage couple. What we had was real and I expected it to last forever. We were planning a Vegas wedding next year and looking for our first home.

I'm just finding it very difficult to deal with. Sometimes it is easy, other times I can't think of anything else. I can't think before the cheating and remember the happy times, and I don't want him back, I'm just scared of suddenly having to be a singular when I've been a couple for so long.

Hopefully some of you have been where I am and can just offer some advice or just support. I made the big mistake of dropping my friends while I was with him, so while my family have been great I'm just looking to reach out to more people.

Thanks for listening and welcoming me onto the board.

Katie,

You have my sympathy, but I am also sort of smiling. You won't understand why for a few years yet, but let me try and explain.

You are 19 and you have been dating your BF since you were 14. You two are now broken up. Now one of two things will happen: you will move on or perhaps in the future get back together. However, in the meantime sample life. Learn to live as a single and ENJOY it. You have no idea how important this is to the health of ANY marriage you finally enter into.

You want to learn to like yourself. Learn to enjoy your friends, doing things, doing things by yourself. Go sightseeing by yourself. Enjoy the beauty of the world by yourself. Date, other men. See what they are like. Learn more, work harder, play harder, shop harder BUT spend less <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Katie, please learn about yourself.

Why do I say all of this to you? Because whether you and BF ever get back together again, you will find yourself in much happier relationships with men you enjoy being with, IF you KNOW yourself and can take care of yourself. You will chose men based on their strengths, how you enjoy them, shared interests, NOT because you NEED someone in your life.

If you go out and see things and enjoy the beauty of nature, you will learn to see beauty in many things, but one thing you will also learn is that it is even better to be able to see beauty and share it with someone. You won't know this until you do it alone.

I know you are hurting and I know there is this hole in your right now, but Katie you have been given an opportunity to grow and make the odds of you having a successful happy marriage much higher, no matter who it is you marry. Take this opportunity and use it.

As you start to focus on learning and doing new things the pain within you will ease. You will see many things differently, and you will be preparing yourself for your future.

Take good care of yourself and enjoy your life. I know you are hurting but please realize this is an opportunity to grow. Do it.

God Bless,

JL

JUSTLEARNING what a beautiful piece of advice! I agree - appreciate your youth, make sure you live it to your full potential as you can never get it back. You have your whole life to be a partner with someone. You have been a couple for so long get to know yourself again.

I know you are in pain right now but feel good knowing that you did not get married and have children and then this happened?

Keep your chin up!

Thank you both for your comments, I know everything you say is true.

Last night (NYE) I went on a "blind date" which is so out of character for me and yet I had a great time and it really built my confidence up again after ex's cheating.

I'm not looking for anyone to replace him, I'm really just focusing on myself and my family, but I figured it couldn't hurt to extend my circle - plus I didn't want to sit in on NYE feeling low!

I really felt, both at the time and now, that it was a good move towards the future.

Thanks again for your comments and welcoming me in here, I'll keep you updated.

Happy New Year!

Katie

Katie hard to top Just Learning's post but here are some old tried but true cliche:

"It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

But here is one I sort of coined myself

"You only get real love right once in your life...the rest of the times you were just practicing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> "

Dear Katie:

very few people meet as teenagers and continue to be happily married for life. Sad fact, but it is true.

I met my first great love in life when I was 16. We were together for 10 years. We had a stormy relationship, but a great great love. Part of growing up is that you get to know yourself. That you find your place in life. That you learn about your goals and dreams.

Had you asked me at 19, I would have told you: my goal is to be always together with my boyfriend. I want to marry him. I want to go to medical school and become an orthopedic surgeon.

We had ups and downs, I fought for him, he fought for me. I kicked out two OW, I had a couple of A's. Finally we made the resolve that we had grown up now and wanted to stay together. On NYE twelve years ago I thought he would ask me to get engaged. He gave me a ring, but when I asked if it was meant as an engagement ring, he said no...he wanted to get married with me in "3 to 5 years" but he did not like the idea of engagement in general.

Four months later I left to spend one year abroad. After two more months I met my H. I had grown up, Katie, I knew that despite the feelings of love for my boyfriend too many A's and lies had happened and that our relationship was not right FOR ME. I broke up with him and married my H two years later. I made that decision because now I was an adult, I knew what I wanted.

Katie, there is a difference in a relationship when you are young, and one when you have found your place in life. You learn on the way and everything you learn serves you to have a better marriage later. To have an adult responsible different kind of love.

Specifically what did I learn? I learned that cheating is ALWAYS wrong. After all those A's I had in my teens and early twenties I learned that an A only causes heartbreak and pain. Nothing good EVER comes out of it. During my M I was not tempted once in ten years.

Sad that my M suffered so much because of my H's A. But you know what: he never had had that experience as a young man. So now he tried it during his Midlife Crisis.

Katie, I know that you love your boyfriend. This love will stay with you and you'll remember him always (last night I sent my ex-BF an email wishing him a Happy New Year 20 years after our first NYE together. We are good friends now). Katie, it is time for you to grow and learn and find out about the woman that you really are.

All the best to you on this journey...and Happy New Year
Hugs

Again, thanks for your help and advice. I'm really surprising myself with how much progress I'm making each day. It has been around a month since I found out and I'm already feeling like I've moved on so much and started afresh.

I wish you all a good 2004 and hope you don't mind me sticking around here and reading the posts, etc!

Katie