Hi All,

I had suspiscions that my wife was fooling around with the neighbour so I setup my PC to record the microphone while I was at work. Sure enough when I reviewed the files they did it. We had a confrontation and she admited that it only happened once and that she was really sorry.

Now I know that she is the one at fault, but I do accept partial responsibility (lack of conversation, not paying attention, etc.) She loves me to death and I trust that it will never happen again (especially after I gave a copy of the tape to the neighbours wife).

I want to move forward and we are seeking councelling to get to the core problems that our relationships faces.

Thanks for letting me rant a bit, but my question is this: I now have way too much information about the affair. I know how they did it, what was said and I can't get the images out of my head. It's starting to drive me crazy... Does this go away? Can I ever hold my wife like I used to?

Hello Dave,

You are certainly in a difficult situation. I think you were very wise to give the tape to your OM's wife. First, you both need to be checked for STD's. I see some problems with her story. I think you would have to be naive to believe that it only happened once. The one time you set up your pc you catch them? Why would you think it only happened once since she seemed pretty good at lying to you.
Second, the fact that she would have sex with this OM in your home and in your shared bed is the ultimate in disrespect to you and your marriage. It is your home that should be the very place where you feel most secure and should be untouchable. Her actions speak just the opposite of someone who loves you to death. What have been the consequences to her actions? It sounds like you are forgiving this very quickly. She made a deliberate choice to have sex with another men in your bed and in your home. Honestly I think there is more to this story then you know. How do you think she would be acting if the roles had been reversed?

I think you both need counseling and your wife needs to knew why she would do such a horrible thing to you and risk having you kick her out. Counseling is a must. I wish you luck.

Dave I also had trouble with the mental images of my X-W having sex with other men, until I stopped fighting the images and the feelings associated with them. Was it easy? He** no! but by allowing myself to feel them, and sometimes cry over them, the following times became less and less painful until one day they no longer had any impact at all. As long as you accept the fact that what you are experiencing is very normal and that you must be patient with the process of personal recovery, then you will have won half the battle.

It's been over a year for me since i found out about my wife and her sex friend, I still think about it every day and most of the day. Better get used to thinking of it forever. Your wife IS lying, they had sex many times, probably so many times she cant count how many. My wife spent 2 weeks with her sex friend and doesnt remeber how many times. Cheaters remember every time, thats why they keep cheating <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />