(This post mentions sex - be warned!)

I guess in the 4 years me and ex were together I had forgotten what it was like to be single. I knew him completely (or at least thought I did).

I'm tiptoeing into the single life now and just finding it so confusing! I have a male contact who I met after the split - he seems like a nice guy. He took me out with his mates and was generous and funny and a gentleman - he walked me home and we had a kiss or two.

(If you aren't familiar with my story, ex cheated. We split a month ago - no chance of getting back together, neither of us want that.)

That night was the first time I had really gone out and "moved forward" and it felt great. But now the fact is this guy, and any other guys who might come into my life, are strangers! I DO NOT want a relationship - I really want to spend this time getting to know myself and building up my social circle.

This guy was cheated on a few months ago so that was the initial thing we had in common. I met him over the net but he only lives a few streets away from me. Since we met up last week we have chatted over the net (sometimes for like 4 hours at a time). He invited me to his house tonight "to watch a film" and it just confused me. I couldn't go anyway because I have an ear infection and flu!!

I'm just not used to having no idea what other person is thinking. I know a month might not seem that long, but I feel I have honestly moved on - the trouble now is that while this guy might want to meet for sex (neither of us want a relationship) I'm thinking "I can have that from someone else - if we get on maybe we should just be mates".

I'm going off at tangents! Mix of being freezing cold, feeling sick and just not knowing how I feel. This isn't just about this guy or any guy, I haven't gone out looking for a guy and yet I've had four offers in the last month!

I'm just not sure:

- where to take it with this guy - I don't want to be putting pressure anywhere as I don't want that for myself, so maybe no strings could work (I'm young, I have no kids to consider)... but maybe mates would be better? What if he doesn't want to be mates? I want to just let it ride and see what happens, I mean he has contacted me more than I have him since we met, so I'm not pushing for anything... Can I be mates with a guy? Why does sex have to complicate everything!

- how I feel about sex! Ex was my only, and I felt secure with our sex life. I guess his cheating has dented my self esteem or something because I'm looking at my body now and thinking ewwww. So when this guy invited me to his house tonight I think there were lots of reasons why I refused - partly because I'm not sure what I want from him or for myself, but also because maybe I'm just not ready?

Is a month too quick? I died emotionally when we split but instead of moping around I took a very proactive acttitude and have been organising nights out and making new contacts - now I find the acting is no longer an act, I'm over him, new chapter - just that this single thing is so different to what I had got used to!

I know this post is rambling, any comments really appreciated.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Katie

Hello, You have a very cool login..it's sounds like we are both are trying to move forward/up. I can emphathize with you. My husband left my two children & I a few days. And, the thought of dating and being intimate with others is scary but yet tempting...right? But, remember this is a vulnerable time for you and I have a feeling if you are asking yourself these questions then you may not be as ready for an intimate,intimate type of relationship as you may suspect. I imagine you may still have a little bit of loneliness left after a 4 year relationship, and I have found in the past that sometimes feelings of desire and those subconcious lonesome blues that perhaps are lingering..can all get confused & mixed up. I don't think it runs true with all women but probably many, that we desire companionship so much...sometimes even at the wrong times. I know before I was married and got out of a serious relationship..I worked on distinguishing my feelings of loneliness and temptations, and that really helped me stay abstinent from intimate relationships and even just dating. I am thankful I gave myself that time to clear my head, re-energize, strengthen myself and when there was no question in my mind that I was ready.. really enjoyed dating and intimacy w/out guilt and feelings of regret. This probably doesn't make much sense huh, coming from a rambling possibly soon to be single again woman who has had insomnia for two straight days. The point I'm trying to get at, is give yourself time and you'll know without second guessing yourself. I bet you'll find it worth while, empowering and hopefully the person you will date will be understanding of your vulnerable situation. But, then again....if I remember right from the single days...us women gotta always be on guard against some of those guys who thrive on vulnerability. Good Luck...and have fun without the lingers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for your reply... I agree with what you said. I'm just going to let it all ride and see what happens. It's just all so different, and while most of the time I'm excited by it there are times when I find myself having to second guess what someone else is thinking and I'm not used to that! So my plan is really to just wait and see and take what comes. I know this is going to be a rocky road but I'm prepared for it all.

Keep me updated on how things go for you - I know what you are experiencing and you have my every sympathy.

Katie
x