My WH and I were married 25 years ago, married because I got pregnant. Last 5 years WH worked out of town most of the time, rarely home. We have two children one 25 and one 22. Two years ago he had an affair on me, thought he was in love, she ended up dumping him. In order to save my marriage I moved to where he was working. Then I moved back to our house with promises that this would never happen again, he loved me etc etc. 4 months ago he started another affair. Within 3 days of him meeting her, he was moved in with her and two weeks later he phoned me and said he was in love with her and was leaving the marriage. She has had 3 husbands. She told him to **** or get off the pot. Within 3 months he has given her $8000 and paid for their trip to Holland at Christmas. Is this man an idiot or what?? He told me he wants to marry her. Anyway my question is..most of the messages on here are from people whose W or H were still at home while having the affairs and some of them are trying to work out their marriages. I want my marriage to work, but what do I do? He is living 12 hours away, wants no contact with me unless necessary. I have also read on here that most affairs fizzle out. Mine is living with the OW. What do I do in the meantime if he wants no contact. How can I get him back (sometimes I wonder why I want him back). Do I just sit here and hope that it fizzles out. Do I get in contact with the OW. Sometimes I feel like a doormat because I have not caused him any problems.

Any one has answers, please let me know
Forever grateful
Cheryl <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Have you read Surviving An Affair? It sounds like you may need to go directly to Plan B since he is asking for no contact and hope that by you not having any contact with him, the A will fizzle out. But in the meantime, you need to work on you and get yourself healthy. You don't deserve this kind of treatment. Cerri is a great resource here in JFO. Post a question to her with her name in the title. Good luck and God Bless!

I think I would get counseling with the Harleys. He seems to be spending lots of money on OW. That's what my H did too. He still denies it, but I haven't seen any money from him in a year. It has caused lots of resentment.

Thanks for your answers people.

I have not read SAA yet. I am trying to get a hold of a copy of the book.
I am still so confused about everything. Not sure if I want him back for the right reasons and sometimes I am not sure I want him back at all. I am trying to find a job and I am starting to panic. I am just one confused BS
Cheryl