I have posted my story on another thread but somebody told me to stop by this one to see if anybody could help me.

Here's my story: I am 25, my husband is a few years younger. We have been married for two years, no kids. I was searching for a certain used car online. This man emailed me and told me where I could find one for sale. I ended up buying this car and we have been emailing ever since. He gets to his work a few hours after I do, and we email the entire day until I leave to go home.

I came here for help because in the three weeks or so that we were emailing, I became somewhat addicted to him. I would watch the clock every day waiting for him to get to work. I would stay late after my work closed to email him. I never saw him in person. I spoke to him on the phone once for under a minute.

Then somebody gave me the advice to email him and tell him to not email me anymore, that I love my marriage and want to make it last. I did just this and he emailed back to say he respected my plans, as he is married and has a child.

So, that was Friday. I haven't told my husband about this. He gets home from business tonight at 7:00. I have been advised to tell him. I want to because I wouldn't want him to do this to me, but I am so torn. I feel bad for what I got involved in (it was never anything sexual but neither of us bothered to mention that we were married.) I am terrified of how my husband will act. What if he wants a divorce? I could never handle that. Can't I just learn from my experience from this awful feeling of guilt that I feel inside myself? I don't want to break up my marriage! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Have any of you been in my husband's position that mine is in? How did you react? What should I do????

Confess. Read "Survivng an Affair", together. Do the exercises in the book. My wife had several emotional affairs before her physical affair. I never understood the connection until the physical affair ended and we read that book. I did not understand how damaging they were to our relationship, and thought I should ignore them and not be "jealous". I wish we had read SAA earlier. If we had followed the advice in there, my wife never would have had an affair.

You need to tell your husband about the affair. There are many reasons, and most of them are found in the "Infidelity" section of the "Q/A" link at the top of this page.

"I have something to tell you that is very difficult for me. I have been having an inappropriate and addicting email relationship with [GIVE THE NAME], which I have ended."

I suggest having on hand a copy of Dr. Harley's "Surviving An Affair" and working through this book with your husband after the revelation. Also, turn over all your email, chat, and voicemail passwords to your husband so that he knows and can verify the steps you have taken to stop the relationship.

In this affair is a message about your marital relationship and adjustments that both you and your husband need to make to better your marriage and help prevent such a thing from happening again.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Can't I just learn from my experience from this awful feeling of guilt that I feel inside myself? I don't want to break up my marriage! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, it is actually unlikely that your marriage will break up due to this. Having said that, it was a chance you took when you began and stayed in the affair. The damage has already been done. The only thing that is there now is a cover-up job that you are using to prevent your husband from reacting to the facts.

You cannot keep your marriage together through deceit. It is honesty that is the foundation of a successful marriage, and the lack of it that allowed this situation to get this far.

<small>[ January 12, 2004, 01:39 PM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>

FIRST off...GOOD for you! You stopped yourself before anything really damaging could occur.

Second, you do need to talk to your H about this. You can easily began by telling him that for the last three weeks the man who helped get you in touch with the seller of the car has been emailing you and you him. It started out completely innocent, but that you realized that things could get out of hand if you didn't stop...so you stopped. You emailed him that you were happily married and that the friendship that was beginning might cause trouble in your marriage and that it must end completely. He responded that he understood...and you expect to never hear from him again.

This hopefully will lead into a discussion about how you really enjoyed to attention that this stranger was giving to you...that was your fear. You know that you only want the attention that your H gives to fullfill you need in this area. Find out if there are some ways in which he can take the place of this stranger. Can he call a little more during the day, could you two exchange little love note emails?

You do NOT have to use the word affair...as that might just cloud the issue. You made a mistake, but you realized it before your error in judgement could cause real damage to you marriage.

Those of us who have been betrayed usually would give our right arm to know that our spouse stopped and thought and then didn't go down the path that was laid before their feet. You did just that!

The important reason for telling what happened is this adds a layer of protection against this resuming or ever happening again. You both have a chance to communicate and let each know that they are safe with the other.

ps...you H may be suspicious for a bit and may want some reassurance that this is not continuing...do whatever you can to lay to rest his fears. If possible, give him access to your work email account, if not...assure him that you will forward to him any emails that this man or any other man might write which are of a personal nature. The more honest and open you are, the sooner the two of you can put this behind you.

God Bless.

I echo justawifey's post. GOOD FOR YOU for recognizing so quickly the path you were on and for STOPPING it. I would not use the affair in this case either. But I also agree that telling him is a good idea.

good luck and be proud of yourself.

My W ended her EA and then told me about it. I hadn't suspected a thing but I was and am grateful for her honesty. You do not need to use the word "affair", in fact I think it's best if you don't.

When you do tell him make sure you tell him the whole story. Additional details leaking out over future years is very damaging.

Then also work on the M using the materials on this site. I now realise that any M is potentially vulnerable and this site has the tools to make if "affair proof".