I am writing for a second opinion, something I have never asked before, but thought someone may be able to offer me your thoughts. You see, I am very busy with travel and will be gone for 40% of the time through April. When I am home, often times it does not matter as my wife attends school, or is with her daughter at dance classes either three or four evenings each week. We are both in our second marriage, following a 18 month engagement. I am 39, she is 42. We have been married for six months.

As technology is, I happened upon (okay, looked in temp message files). I have provided approximately 50% of the online chats (the others appeared benign) conducted over the past few weeks while I was away below. In you opinion, do you see a problem? Would you be concerned? What would you do? Let it go for a while and double check? Confront? She begins another semester and this time and she suggested that he was able to pick a “good group” from her last few classes… I wonder if he is on that list. Thanks for your opinion.

Brian

My wife says:
things are still good with your girl though?
Her fellow (male student) says:
No we broke up...I am single again...
Her fellow (male student) says:
You?
My wife says:
Ring on finger, staying put, can't go through that again! Oh, well, I am sorry, my source said you were very happy.
Her fellow (male student) says:
I was...I will be again


My wife says:
Oh - I'm going to work for a little bit, then get out of there. My folks come to us - have to do the million presents with the kids Christmas morning. They are spoiled.
Her fellow (male student) says:
lol...yeah I remember that stuff
My wife says:
Maybe we can all try for that drink again after the holidays?
Her fellow (male student) says:
sure thing
Her fellow (male student) says:
I am up for it
My wife says:
One of the groups from our first class goes to place next door every Tuesday before class.

My wife says:
I didn't have to meet during the last class either.
Her fellow (male student) says:
wow
My wife says:
I wouldn't have wanted to, they weren't fun like you guys.
Her fellow (male student) says:
yeah....we miss you too
My wife says:
Are the "boys" with you?
Her fellow (male student) says:
what in missing you?
My wife says:
no! Of course they miss me, I mean in your class.
Her fellow (male student) says:
lol..yeah
My wife says:
Do you ever meet earlier than 6?
Her fellow (male student) says:
no...always 6
My wife says:
work with me
My wife says:
I thought we could say hi before one of your team meetings.
Her fellow (male student) says:
I am not the only one ya know...lol
Her fellow (male student) says:
I can meet early...I will talk to them
My wife says:
I know - we'll keep trying. I can hang for a little bit but don't like to - daughter.
Her fellow (male student) says:
Cool...we will work it out
My wife says:
I know we will. Daphne and I managed to finally. Just drop me a note - I'll come downstairs for a quick drink.
Her fellow (male student) says:
OK
Her fellow (male student) says:
I go for surgery on the 8th
My wife says:
Ok, first day back - taking some time off. What kind of surgery?
Her fellow (male student) says:
hernia...is that spelled right?
My wife says:
yep! That must be a guy thing.
My wife says:
Painful?
Her fellow (male student) says:
I guess
Her fellow (male student) says:
A little...not as painful as somethings
My wife says:
My husband had that done. He hasn't been right since.
My wife says:
Kidding.
Her fellow (male student) says:
Yeah but half of me is still better than 100% of most
My wife says:
Of course, I was going to say that.
Her fellow (male student) says:
Thanks
Her fellow (male student) says:
I understand why you would not want to

My wife says:
still there? Or are you checking your stitches?
Her fellow (male student) says:
Sorry
My wife says:
I won't take it personally.
Her fellow (male student) says:
You shouldn't...you know I would never leave you if I had a choice
My wife says:
LOL!
My wife says:
Sounds like a soap opera.
Her fellow (male student) says:
lol...Well I have to flirt...if I didn't you would not think I was ok
My wife says:
So the Doc did leave you intact.
Her fellow (male student) says:
Yeah...everything works so far....
Her fellow (male student) says:
Need help for the last test
My wife says:
I'm sure you do.
Her fellow (male student) says:
lol...

My wife says:
I was going to rest with the heat wrap for a bit - just hanging until about 10 and going to the airport to get Brian.
Her fellow (male student) says:
Well there ya go
My wife says:
Have a little wine left too.
Her fellow (male student) says:
lol
My wife says:
Party time!
My wife says:
It's the little things when you work full time, are a mom, and go to school.
Her fellow (male student) says:
You have to drive
My wife says:
So spoil my party why don't you?
Her fellow (male student) says:
Just don't want anything to happen to you...always a chance you will come around
Her fellow (male student) says:
lol
My wife says:
You are not feeling bad at all that's for sure.
My wife says:
Do you have a fun group this semester, anybody as fun as I was?
Her fellow (male student) says:
Just a little soar...and besides...I will feel fine before you have a chance to come around..
My wife says:
Somebody is on a roll.

Her fellow (male student) says:
Ok ok....just got out of surgery here...can I get a break
My wife says:
I am being a brat - kidding!
My wife says:
It's been a very long week.
Her fellow (male student) says:
I know...I am just teasing...I don't need a break...
Her fellow (male student) says:
I am an [censored]...so people kick me when I am down
My wife says:
I do. My eyes are blurring and I've had a sinus headache all week. ***** ***** *****
My wife says:
Oh, [censored] [censored] [censored]
Her fellow (male student) says:
Yeah I know you are not feeling well...I probably feel better than you
Her fellow (male student) says:
Still don't look as good though...and I am really cute
My wife says:
Well, yes, I am at a disadvantage. Everyone is.
Her fellow (male student) says:
I meant that I still don't look as good as you...but I am cute
My wife says:
Oh! I thought....well...not that I thought it was true, but...
My wife says:
he he
Her fellow (male student) says:
lol
My wife says:
I think the delirium is setting in, what do you think?
Her fellow (male student) says:
Yours or mine?
My wife says:
I'm going to go take it easy while I have the chance. I think I am more delirious, now I can't type!
Her fellow (male student) says:
OK...take it easy

My wife says:
I'm going downhill fast.
My wife says:
Must be the academia.
My wife says:
I'm not really going for all that stuff,
My wife says:
yet
Her fellow (male student) says:
You look good for 23..mush less whatever you are
My wife says:
and I'm not fishing for a compliment - haha!
My wife says:
29
My wife says:
32
My wife says:
35
My wife says:
39
My wife says:
39
My wife says:
39
My wife says:
++++
My wife says:
wait, I was premature with that last +
Her fellow (male student) says:
Well ok 39 it is...you would look great for 19...Ok..21...that way you can drink
My wife says:
not until February.
My wife says:
You don't really have to add all of those up.
Her fellow (male student) says:
I think that in this world age does not mean that much
My wife says:
come on, you can do it
Her fellow (male student) says:
I would love to
Her fellow (male student) says:
Oh spell..yeah
My wife says:
no fair - you tricked me!
Her fellow (male student) says:
How?
My wife says:
Ok, ok, ok, getting too confusing. I really am going to go, my eyes are burning!
Her fellow (male student) says:
ok
My wife says:
you are probably supposed to be taking it easy too.
My wife says:
right?
Her fellow (male student) says:
I am...
My wife says:
okie dokey
Her fellow (male student) says:
Just sitting on the couch
My wife says:
Sounds good. Take care of yourself.
Her fellow (male student) says:
You too...hope you feel better
My wife says:
I will, by Spring at the rate this year is going! See ya later.

End of chat sessions.

seems to me she is just talking to him to make time go by. She does not seem too interested, but enjoys the company. But if I were you I would start paying more attention to her, doing things she likes, and especially start making plans, giving her something to look forward to and to think about when you are not around. This guy is trying pretty hard, but he's not getting anywhere. His little "cute" comment was a weak attempt to see if she thought he was cute. She doesn't, not yet anyway.

Seems like you live in Maryland too. I know a lot of guys who prey on married women in Maryland. you would be surprised by some of the stories I hear them tell me that married women do to and with them. Disgusting.

Thanks Solon... I think we have plenty to look forward to, our delayed honeymoon is in April. Hoping this does not ruin the $6500.00 trip!

No, it doesn't sound as if a torrid affair is happening....YET.

BUT...why in the world would your wife think it is appropriate to privately converse with someone of the opposite sex? And it sounds like she is eager to make plans to meet him for drinks at some point. He is testing her and she is not making any attempts to stop him....they're flirting. This is all so inappropriate it really needs to stop at once. Your wife is playing with fire.

E-M-O-T-I-O-N-A-L A-F-F-A-I-R is beginning - watch out for her! These chat things on the computer are nothing but trouble!
JMHO - been there, dun that, and I know. It starts off innocently, and then... it gets more serious.
Harold
PS - Can you find out which Emotional Needs of hers you are not meeting?

I'm sorry to say, it sounds like she's playing with fire. I've been there... it seems so totally innocent when it starts. I didn't intend for my simple flirting to go where it did, either. I never would have believed it... I defended myself and my right to chat fiercely. To be honest, though, when my H confronted me, I got angry... and that made it worse. Then I felt misunderstood and like I wasn't trusted. I needed to be shown at that point how much I was loved.
I suggest making certain that your wife has no need to go anywhere else to get needs met. It is SO easy to fall into these things online. I would keep an eye on it... and make sure that she has no need to go elsewhere.
This is simply my experience.
God bless,
SMH