can someone please clarify this for me?

I've put this on your other thread but I'll answer it here as well in case anyone else wants a theoretical discussion as opposed to responding to your particular circumstances.

A physical affair obviously means sex although Bill Clinton tried some creative redefinition. A One Night Stand with someone you never see again is probably not an A as such.

An emotional affair is a romantic relationship that doesn't include sex. Key elements in a romantic relationship are: spending large amounts of time together, telling someone how much you like them and otherwise expressing affection, communicating frequently, touching etc.

An alternative definition is that an EA is any relationship with someone of the opposite sex that your spouse isn't comfortable with. It's possible to have opposite sex friends, if boundaries are kept, but I think they probably can't be very close friends.

Meeting the other person's most important Emotional Needs as defined by Dr Harley is the key to being in love and staying in love. It's also what makes people love someone else - when that person is meeting their needs and you're not.

An EA can be defined much more broadly than spending lots of time together. An internet affair requires no time together but can be as addictive as any other type of affair. Additionally I would further broaden the defintion to say that it need only involve one person where the PA obviously requires 2. An internet pornography addiction requires only one person. But I'm really talking about a one sided
EA. A person in love with another person doesn't necessarily need a lot of feedback from the other person. Any remote compliment can be viewed as "he loves me", when that person may have no real strong feelings for the wanderer. I say this without the slightest hesitation; my W has been in love with 3 other guys and each one of them was blindsided when she finally made a pass. Yet each one was a year or years long fantasy on her part. And I assure you extremely painful for me. Bottom line - you'll know in your heart that something is very wrong. And the more they try to defend their position the more convinced you'll be just how wrong it is. If it wasn't important then why can't you let it go?

Walking

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> A One Night Stand with someone you never see again is probably not an A as such. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, that's an affair. An affair is any physical or emotional relationship with a non-relative that effects the marriage in certain ways. It violates the emotional and/or physical fidelity in a relationship. I do not specify opposite sex here, because quite a few affairs are with same-sex partners.

Bottom line: whether or not it is an affair is in the eyes of your spouse - not you.

<small>[ January 24, 2004, 10:43 PM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>

To take it from a Biblical perspective (i.e. idolatry=adultery), and affair is giving to someone else that which should be reserved for your spouse, or getting from someone or something else that which you should be getting from your spouse. That expands your possible affair partners to include your job, your hobbies, and recreational drugs, to name three that come to mind.

I came up with this because my wife was getting two or her most important EN's met through her career for years before she had an affair, so I really didn't notice much difference when the affair started.