First of all, bear with me, this may get long. I was here before, back in August. D-day was July 8th. Found out H had an A for over and year. I found out only because OW became pregnant. OW CLAIMS she got an abortion, still not 100% that happened but..... Anyway, things seemed to be going along good for H and I up until recently he started acting really weird. Saying little things to me that would make me believe that he is either seeing her or having yet another A. When I question him about his comments I get an attitude. Maybe I may seem a little selfish here, but I see it this way..... H had the A and he has apologized over and over again. I do not "rub" it in his face nor do I try to make him feel guilty about it. I beleive it is in the past and we need to look at the present and the future in order for us to survive this. However, I think he should at least "kiss my butt" to some extreme or at least show me that he truly cares for me. He truly makes me feel that he only stayed with me because of our children and our house. I have asked him repeatly to be 100% honest with me about what he wants because I refuse to keep trying here if it is only going to be the one trying. After asking repeatly tho, he tells me "of course I love you, I wouldnt be here if I didnt". That is always his answer. Should I press for more or shall I leave it at that?? I have so many feelings hiding inside me but I know if I truly tell him what I think or feel it will only cause an arguement. I know this because it has before. I am tired of arguing, crying and not trusting him. I know the trust will come in time and it only has been 6 months but I feel like I am back at day one. Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Dear DINJ:

when you are trying to recover form the major trauma of infidelity it takes two. You and your H have to agree to work it out and to put all efforts into rebuilding your marriage.

He may be having another A, he may not. Often a certain time after d-day the former wayward spouse (FWS) gets fed up with the betrayed spouse still accusing them again and again. Then they withdraw, become annoyed or aggressive.

Try to work on your resentment. Try not to use love busters (and here is the former queen of love busters talking...think furious valkyrie...but I got over that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Read everything you can find on this site. Learn about Emotional Needs, Policy of joint agreement etc.

Sorry I have to go now. Later more...

O.K. I'm back.

If you have the gut feeling that your H may be having another A, investigate: mileage on the car, cell phone bills, email accounts. Check where he is spending his time and with whom. You have reason to be suspicious, trust will grow with time and negative results of your investigations.

Learn, learn, learn. It is possible to recover your marriage after infidelity. You have taken the first step by coming here. In these forums you will find so much support and information.

Read everything that you can get your hands on.

Sorry about your H's A that brought you here. But you are in a good place. You will find amazing help and kindness here.

Hugs

After reading here and the OW website I have seen that time and time again the affair restarts a few months after d-day. The OW is often waiting legs wide open and on a bad day the WS will contact her with the excuse of how is it going or she may persue him. Many WS have written no contact letters only to call OW within hours saying she made me do it.

He may just be angry, he may not be having an affair. I just want you to know that some of them do rekindle or start new affairs. I have seen this pattern over and over. The good news is that the affairs usually (9 out of 10 that I have seen) fail. Why? Because he doesn't want to give up the BS. He usually really does love the wife, but has this addiction sex thing with the OW for a while. Once the OW figures out he is not leaving the wife she usually gets fed up, I mean if she has ANY self esteem at all. OW figures out he isn't leaving. Is he a serial cheater? Hard to tell. Keep your ears open. I just kept to my Plan A at that point, knowing he wasn't going to leave us-why would he-he had it great at home. She was probably demanding more-anyway, she is long gone and I'll bet if there is an OW, she will be on her way out. Both have to work on the marriage at some point, but if he has it better at home, and it sounds like he does, he will eventually figure it out-esp. if he sees you moving foward with your life. HUGS! Jersey Girl

Hey depressed,
Where in Jersey are ya. I'm there too.
Gotta love the Jersey Girls right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Jersey Girls-BEST IN THE WORLD!!!