I have been lurking around this board ever since I found out about my wh suposed EA (he says it was never physcial) and I was just wondering when do you know it is really over with the OW?
A little background, married 15 years, ( sorry so long) I had never trusted him right from the start not because he did anything in the beginning but because of my own trust issues (I was molested as a child and it finally came out 7 years in our marriage, I hadn't told anyone untill that point) So needless to say I questioned him endlessly in the begining of our marriage and low and behold he did have a one night stand with an x 12 years ago. I do realize we should have seeked MC years ago and I also realize that I have deep seeded trust issues to begin with. The funny thing is the ONS 12 yrs ago didn't hurt as bad as this. So let me bring you up to date and ask is it just me? (I know I have always had trouble trusting anyone period)
WH had EA with co-worker,that started out as a friendship for 4 months and according to WH for two weeks he began to have feelings for her. She is going through a divorce because of a previous 2yr affair with the minister of her church (small town, in the newspaper etc. we weren't living in the same state when the 1st affair of OW occured)according to WH they became very close as friends first and he knew they couldn't have a relationship because he didn't want to loose me or our 2 kids. He also didn't want the responsiablity of her 5 kids, from three marriages. (OW 5th kid is from affair prior) He told me he ended it July, just before he transfered to a different job with the same agency. He claims he didn't tell me because of his past ONS and he knew how jelous I am and didn't want to take the risk of loosing everything. He was promoted to a job he had always wanted and didn't want to loose that as well and he ended it (according to him) Without me knowing, the husband of the OW went to his work two days after the promotion and told his boss. There was an investigation (he wks for the government) and he was cleared. This was still in July, well in OCT, I knew something was going on and began checking his cell phone, there was always one number on incomming calls and it was the OW. I called OW home (and am embarrased to say listened to the messages) there wasn't one from my H but from hers yelling at her for ruining their lives listing all of the men she had affairs with (there were 5 total names)and the third H of OW was from an affair to the 2nd) So I confronted my husband and he finaly confessed to the EA, and told me it had ended and they only kissed 4 times, and the feelings only lasted about 2 weeks, He said he was starting to get to close and he realized it before anything else happened) He said they never met after work, or before or anything like that. (because of my trust issues I have always kept close tabs on him and he would have had to be pretty good to pull it off) I confirmed with his boss the internal investigation and his boss sd he was cleared. Fast forward to Nov. I received a call from OW husband and he said he thought it was over but he went through her phone records and there were several calls to WH on the phone bill. From her home and from her cell to WH office and cell. I confronted WH and he said the EA was over for him and the OW would call to "vent" because according to her, her soon to be x was doing crazy things like spray painting walls, shreading her undergarments, etc and he wanted to know what was going on in the situation becase he felt physally threatened, by OW H because OW told him she couldn't find her H gun. (OW H is on probation for some violent offenses) He also told me she would call and threaten sucide because she couldn't "take hurting people anymore" As far as I can tell the calls to the cell ended around the end of sept. and the office calls we begining to wind down. (realisticly there would be reasons for OW to call office for HR issues, as WH is the MGR, for the facility. WH bosses were saying to help this woman with anything because she had a crazy Husband, and he would show up at work causing scenes in front of other employees.
Since all of this has transpired WH has made all of the calls for MC, told me where he is at all times, calling from phones, that show the number so I know, answered all of my questions, (without getting mad) he has tried to be patient, allowing the conversations to go on for hours, He even called his family and confessed the affair and investigation to them, (I asked him to do that, because of OW H was threatening our family and WH) He hasn't done a NC letter because of his position at work but he did call OW and tell her to not call unless it is work related, and he also told her he didn't love her and never did he told her he realized what type of person she was after his head cleared and that he didn't want anything to do with her. I listened on the phone when he did this. He reassures me that it is over and that I have the whole truth, just that I won't beleive it because I never beleive anything, he has even made the comment that in a year he hopes we only have to talk about this every other day. The OW is already seeing someone else and she also had an affair with another married person at this facility before my WH.
My WH has accepted responsiablity for the affair, and hasn't blamed me, Or even OW, (she really is a peice of work) He has even told me that he feels stupid for not seeing OW for what she is and risking everything because he was "sucked in", in the same sentence said there is still no excuse for what he did and he is truly sorry for risking everything and hurting me.
I still just can't get over thinking there is more to the story than what he is telling me. According to what I have read, he seems to be doing the right stuff why can't I beleive the truth isn't fully out or even if it is completly over? Does it sound like it is out or is it just my own issues from my past?
CC
