Ok, I know it has been a while since I've been on here. My WW had me served with D papers about a week and a half before Christmas and with all the other little details that have happened since... I have about given up on her and us and have moved to focusing my attention on NOT getting screwed in the divorce and trying to keep full custody of my kids.

I have pretty much given up on plan B in the sense that there is still contact (most of it unpleasant) about the kids. I have pretty much moved on emotionally and although I feel terrible for the kids, I really am quite OK not having her around anymore.

Here is the question I have. Last night she called to say good night to the kids and asked me out to dinner later this week. I didn't answer her and she told me to think about it. She was quick to point out that she wasn't asking for a date, but just that she feels that we have not been to nice to each other ans just wanted to catch up. She ended it by telling me to pick a time and a place.

I'm thinking I ought to just decline the offer, for many reasons but chief among them is that I have no intentions of being her friend and I don't want her to think that I'm going to be available as such to her. She still has shown no intention of wanting to come home and work things out... so if i did anything it would go directly against the plan B letter and everything I've ever told her.

What is the conventional wisdom in these types of cases? Should I go or not?

Thanks.

I would not go. My H sucked me back onto the rollercoaster after 3 months of Plan B. I am having a terrible time now getting back to where I was - content with my life.

She is probably trying to be nice to you because of pending D - so it will be easier for her to get what she wants. If she is sincere in trying to get along, you will know it by the constant interactions you have about kids. Please give it more time.

She still has shown no intention of wanting to come home and work things out... so if i did anything it would go directly against the plan B letter and everything I've ever told her.

You said it yourself what she is not looking for. Don't accept until she can commit.

WMWB-

It is STTSI posting on my W's computer right now.

You said that meeting with her would go against your plan B letter, haven't YOU gone against your plan B letter? You said so yourself.

Either way, the choice is up to you. If you want to somewhat stick to the MB ideals, then your answer should be a respectful decline of the offer unless she is done with OM. Because while she is still with OM, you have nothing to talk to her about other then the kids and she doesn't need to go to dinner to talk about that.

Until she tells you she is done with OM, I would stay away.

JMHO
STTSI

WMWB,

Have you read Takola's post called "I think I'm going to sue? That's kind of your approach to MB. All along...you've sort of picked and choosed the things you liked. A Plan B letter means NOTHING without the follow through. You aren't really in Plan B....in fact I always advise folks who can't do a Plan B...to do a longer Plan A because if you continue to have contact and continues to be unpleasant it simply destroys all the love that can potentially save the marriage. My guess is that this is an ambush....and what she really wants to do is talk about divorce. If that's what this is about....tell her just to talk to your lawyer. Because you see none of these plans CAN work unless YOU are committed to saving your marriage and following them in the way that they are designed to work. It sounds simple....but I know it isn't easy. Did you ever get a mediator to be the go between on these child issues? Did you ever stop love busting? By all means, protect yourself financially....but moving forward legally will just hasten the end. Perhaps that's what you're looking for at this point....and I can understand. But if it is...then meeting or not meeting will not make much difference. As co-parents....civility is a necessity even if friendship is undersirable. Do that much for you kids. Good Luck

Stay home and cook your own dinner! jmho