Ok, He told me about the affair. Although I did all the previous things.. such a screaming, yelling, and very frustrated. I have found within myself to calm down and try to work things out. He was so willingly wanting to work things out. Yet he was still lying to me. Last night his msg rang and I look at him and though who the hell could it be at 11 pm? It's her.. I burst out!!! I am not taking my first flight to Miami.. I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE... I"m dropping everything. I am tired of being lied to. I do beleive him when he says he loves and he cares about me.. but ****.. I am HURTING!!! I need this to stop and it isn't stopping. This is out of my hands right now. He doesn't care about my feelings it seems. He wants to hold on to me like a security basket and he can have his fantasy with someone else. I am tired of being second rated and no matter how ugly or unintelligent the other girl might be to me now..she isn't to him. I am tired.. yeah I give up!!!!!!!

Hi,

Please calm down a bit. I certainly understand your frustration. Rightly so, but how you handle it is critical if you want a sensible solution. Making life altering decisions now is not a wise move.

Breathe, deep cleansing breathes. Now tell us what you know regarding plan B. I have to go to sleep and won't be back until tomorrow evening.

Keep posting and others will help,. Can you do some phone counseling with Steve, Jennifer or Cerri? Do you have a good IC/MC?


L.

I already sent 3 msgs to the OW. I told her to just stop writing to him. This is not up to me to make the decision!!!!!!!! It's up to him. I have classes at 4:30 and lots of homework to do.. yet I can't get myself to focus and do anything! My year is ruined and I'm very tired because I haven't really had a good night sleep in weeks! Plan B: Isn't it when you just pack and leave? I'm sorry my brain is not functioning correctly. I already made my reservation. I don't know if my husband arrive at work today because this morning I was really mad and don't know how he is right now. I sent him a msg to tell him to write me back as if to check if he arrived at work or not. UHMM.. anyways I still love him. I beleive he still loves me. My birthday is in 2 days and he was planning a surprise party he said... well HELL with the surprise..now it's ruined!

THis girl was suppose to disappear from the picture...I should have known that I couldn't try to move on without him writting that letter, but he was so convinced if he just ignored her it would be ok. He stop chatting with her online, but the sms messages did not stop!!!
It's either he says goodbye to her or I say goodbye.. I think my action would be correct if I just leave.... Things would go a lot better. I'll just go to my family in FL and just ignore him and all the pain will go away. "OUT SIGHT OUT OF MIND" anyways.. i"m oversea and not in the states, so I can't get counseling so easily by phone. I would but I only have a cell phone and long distance would just take all my minutes in less than 2 minutes.
Thank you orchid.... I tried to calm down.. I just can't.. its eating at me!

I don't know if it was the right thing to send those message to OW...but it felt right at the time. I may say I was very polite. This may only get H angrier.. so what? What other damages can he do?

Yes I took your advice orchid.. and calmed down.. I went to class.. I saw people which gave me a new perspective on my relationship. Like when I am aroiund everyone and I"m studying.. I don't think about my troubles... It's like I just breeze through time. When the thought of going back home.. the pain comes back. ANyways I thought he would not come back home today, but he did.. where else would he go? To his parent's house? They defy us to go to their house until we fix this mess. ANyways.. I got letters back from the OW.. Like I say, I took it from my mom to be respectful to people, I only knew one side of the story and that side was just my husbands and I wanted to know hers. She told me she didn't know about the fact that he was married and when she found out.. yet she still send him mail.. that's what I don't get.. anyways she explained how much she loved him ect.. which I took in with delight. I was not mad. She also wrote twice to me that she will not send anymore SMS messages to my husband and that would be it. And that she thought I was a nice person also that we should take care of each other.. I don't know if its a lie or not, but I think she also contacted him and told hima bout what I did.

I came home.. he didn't talk to me as EXPECTED! but he wasn't mean or anything.. he just won't say a word. I will let him have his time... I'm expecting him to go through withdrawl.. this time he is not having his cake and eating it to.. and giving a false sense of security to me that he is no longer in contact with her. If this is meant to be it will be, but if not I will just move on with my life. It's like he kept telling me.. "if you leave, she doesn't need to be there.....you're the mother of my children..you're the one I come home to, you're the one I love. but I also need her because she looks at me with admiration."

Until he is on the stage of withdrawl.. I will do everything I can to just stay out of his way. I will mind my own business and talk to him occasionally and when he done being mad... ok. My birthday is going to be a crappy ONE at least I'm not being FOOLED anymore. I love this man so much.. he might realize it.. I don't know how to show it.. I think have been showing it for the past 4 years. It is something in his past that brought this affair on. I know it.. yet he refuses to go to therapy. Right now, I know I can't convinced him of anything. I just stay quiet and chat online and do my homework.. that's all there is to do.

Happy Birthday to TAMARA!!!

The fact that I am young .. I feel like maybe I should just let this marriage go.. I'm young.. I got married young and maybe this is the result of a young wedding, but I don't think.. It's not IT! I am mature enough to try to save my marriage, because I have no kids holding me back, but I still beleive in my vows although I am not christian, but I beleive in marriage and I like being married... It gives so much support whenever I go out there, I know my husband supports me and he is a great man.. It's not the affair that's going make him look like a monster. I feel like he is more insecure and confused in a way rather than mean.

Anyways I am venting.. so please tell me what you think!!!

Happy birthday Tamara,
Sorry it's such a crappy one.

I married young, too. It's harder trying to save the marriage when there are no kids involved AND the WS is not remorseful or established NC with the OP.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am mature enough to try to save my marriage</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, but is he?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's like he kept telling me.. 'but I also need her because she looks at me with admiration.'</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you in Plan A? Do you know ways to meet his need for admiration?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but I believe in marriage </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But does your H believe in monogamy or marriage? Have you read any of the books, if he wont do MC? Please take care - Dru