Most of the affairs that I read about on these posts, the husbands are still at home. Would someone please tell me about affairs where the husband decides right after meeting the woman (like 3 days after) to move in with her and end the marriage. That is what my husband did. He has no contact with me, so how on earth do you get them back???


Cheryl

Hi Cheryl - I'm so sorry this happened to you too, but believe me, everything will get better!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Would someone please tell me about affairs where the husband decides right after meeting the woman (like 3 days after) to move in with her and end the marriage. That is what my husband did. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When I was looking for answers some months ago I discovered that "Exit affair" is a term unknown/not recognized by the MarriageBuilders. I read about Exit affairs on another website and thought it fitted my husbands way (excuse!) to leave me perfectly.
My WH met the OW in april in another country, they travelled awhile together and shortly after they fell in love - after being home with me and our son for 5 days I asked him if he had an affair - he admitted and then he told me that he didn't love me, didn't want to hurt me but he had wanted to end the M for years. Soon after, OW came to Denmark and moved in with WH in his new apartment.
After he left me he didn't contact me unless it was absolutely urgent - he acted extremely cold and indifferent towards me. In the beginning I cried all the time and didn't understand WHY (I still don't) - I begged him to go to counseling - I promised that I would change - all he did was turning his back on me and the M... he said he wanted a separation and got it in the beginning of july.

My WH introduced OW to his family and friends and they were together 24/7. He was/is very proud of her (she is australian and very exotic here in Skandinavia). She did go back to Australia last week because her visa ran out... let's see what happens next. I feel that since my WH didn't spend any time alone he didn't really have time to reflect and now OW will be gone for at least 3 months.

How to get them back? I'm affraid I don't know. Plan A and B might work but it's difficult to do a good plan A while separated.

I did the best plan A I could under the given circumstances but I'm affraid he never noticed.
What I do know for sure he noticed though, is me moving on with my life and doing great! Maybe I've been too independent but this is what's working for my well being.

Deep in my heart I still want him back, but really - I feel I don't know him anymore.
Do you feel the same way about your WH?

When I just found out I read every post here - old posts too - I began to see a certain pattern in affair behaviours and used that knowledge when I interacted with WH.
Kind people like Star*fish, Zorweb, Espoir and many others offered their wonderful advices and helped me through very difficult times.

There is always hope for a M to recover! I strongly believe that is the truth!
Have patience, preserve love even if you don't get love in return for a very long time, do good things for YOU.

I pray that everything works out for you, Cheryl!

Hi Danish our stories are so similar as far as the exit affair and not reconizing our H's can I ask what website did you find out about exit affairs if you don't mind..

Hi-I too have read so much on affairs. You might try survivinginfidelity.com as it has some useful information. Another website is facereality.com also useful.

MB has helped me the most. My H's A was not an exit affair, but many basically act like peter pan and run away from their life. Remember, the problem is with them, I agree that working on yourself is the best response. It kills them to see you moving on. Best of luck to both of you-they don't deserve you.

Hi All,

ExitA or not BS should try plan A even the outcome is not encouraging. You see WS already plan up to get out of M a long time ago. For some reason either WS has not find a willing partner to kids or family obligation they did not leave until ... now.

It is the hardest kind of A to end since WS has convinced themself that M is no working and they keep this feeling for a long time. It is not about OP, it is all about WS's misbelieve about you or the situation of M. WS could change OP w/ no problem ... they could break w/ OP yet they don't come back home.

What to do ?. This is my 2¢. You have to do plan A regardless what A or WS. You do it for yourself to be ready for next R w/ or w/o WS !. You decides if you already ready to move on then short plan B then possibly Dv. You could wait a long time ... at least as long as when WS started thinking of bailing out this M ! ... You have to do plan A, specially when WS uses you as an excuse of have A rather than the condition of M.

Is there hope ? , yes of course. If it is all about you and when WS realized that OP is not the answer you might have a chance if you do plan A. If it is all about the situation of M and when WS realize that A is not the answer you might have a chance if you do plan A. It is all about misbelieve and you have try to break that thought.

However this plan A takes a long time. Are you up to it ?. You have to set your mind up that Dv is unevitable then do plan A and hope WS doesn't file.

Just as a background ... my ex has try an ExitEA. After few years of trying and under the duress of financial she chosed to stepped out of M. There is nothing I could do would change her mind ... plus OM is a skillfull. I did the standard MB sugestion ... 6 months of plan A ... she filed and put NC (automatic plan B) ... I do NC up to now. Her issues is me !. She wasn't happy with her life and she blamed it on me ... now she is not happy with OM yet she still blame it on me even I have NC or bearing on her life now. Thanks to MB ... I use this life experience to really understand R, how to keep it and how to make it better every day.

It is normal that WS will put NC with you since they don't want you to rattle their misbelieve. Some WS does extra mileage to make sure BS is fine ... out of guilt.

I keep saying misbeleive ... if it is not ... you are fighting even much more uphill battle.

Hope this help. -rh-

I love your 2cents redhat!

Here's mine:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You might try survivinginfidelity.com as it has some useful information. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I went there to post because of a specific request made here, and I've since tried helping a couple of people who have written to me directly.

Here's my warning about the site, or more specifically, the tone set by many posters on the site: there is a heck of a lot of anger there.

Sure I can tell you to throw his a** to the curb, give in to your anger, call him every nasty name under the sun! The difference is that I too (like redhat) believe there is something so positive waiting for you around the corner if you can focus on yourself. He's doing what he's doing...those are his choices.

You are facing what could be the biggest life obstacle you will ever face: anger is the worst of the healing paths you can choose to get through it.

After a lot of thinking about this over the past couple of weeks, I believe that the overall tone of this site (although there are some individual crappy posters here too!) is one of the best things about it. There are always people to pick you up and shake you out when the times get tough. Danish is walking proof...listen to her story.

You'll get lots of support at that other site too, I don't mean to imply anything different. It's simply that the overall anger, the collective anger, is extremely likely to influence your thinking. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

As for the exit A, as the Harleys say somewhere: it is more often women that will not reconsider. Men often tell then leave...doesn't mean they won't change their minds later on.

If this helps: I know of one woman whose husband came literally CRYING back to her out of the blue 5-6 years later. Their story was yours except that she didn't use MB! Just got every penny she could from him in a nasty D. And still he came back crying, saying he finally realized he'd thrown everything away...would she consider trying again?

She just looked at him and said not a chance...but you see, she never did do MB so who knows how this story would have ended?

All the best to you...awed