HI I AM NEW TO THIS, BUT I REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE.. I HAVE RECENTLY FOUND OUT THE MY H HAD AND AFFAIR. WE HAVE TALKED MANY NIGHTS ABOUT THIS. I CANNOT STOP BLAMING MYSELF FOR WHAT HAPPEND. HE SAID THAT IT WAS NOT MY FAULT IT WAS HIS. HE SAID THAT HE WAS BORED AND DOWN ON HIMSELF AND IT WAS SOME KIND OF EGO BUSTER. THIS DOESNT MAKE ANY SINCE TO ME. I THOUGHT OUR MARRIAGE WAS STRONG AND VERY HAPPY. WE ALWAYS DID THINGS TOGETHER HE ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT HE LOVED ME VERY MUCH. I AM JUST FELLING VERY HURT AND BETRAID. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT ANY HELP WOULD BE GREATLY APPRICIATED <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

ttrying- Start reading all about Plan A here. It will really help you. Glad you found this site in time. It is awful when you first find out, but things will get better. At first I couldn't eat or sleep and cried all of the time.

Now I am doing much better, although H is still with OW. Marriagebuilders was a lifesaver for me.

But your marriage seems very hopeful. Read all of the information here. It is hard to do, but will help your marriage. Also keep reading and posting here and we will help you through this.

THANK YOU, BELIEVER I AM GOING TO READ PLAN A. AT THIS POINT I DON'T FEEL THAT I WILL EVER BEGIN TO FEEL WHOLE AGAIN. I HOPE THAT IN TIME AS WE TRY TO WORK THRU THIS I CAN BEGIN TO FEEL LIKE A PERSON . YOU SAID THAT TIME WILL HELP SO WE WILL SEE. I JUST RELLY FEEL LIKE I COULD JUST SLAP THE BOTH OF THEM AND JUST ASK THEM TO TELL ME WHY. BUT I KNOW THATS NOT THE ANSWER YOU JUST FEEL SO ALONE. I JUST WANT TO STOP TRYING TO PUT THE BLAME ON MYSELF. BECAUSE IT WAS MY H THAT HAD THE OW NOT ME . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

ttrying -
You will feel whole again. You just have to keep on the program here. After you read millions of posts, you will find most WS's act the same. They may have internal problems or not getting their emotional needs met.

You may be partly responsible for the state your marriage was in before the A, but not the A itself. That was his choice. Some people try to take the easy way out to feel better, instead of working through problems.

Of course your self esteem will be at about zero right now. How could it not be? But as you stick with this program, things will get better. Read all about Plan and and meeting his ENs. You can get over this and have a better marriage than before.

I HAVE FOUND YOUR INSITE INTO THIS. EXTREMLY POWERFUL AND HOPEFUL. MY H AND I HAVE HAD THE PAST 2 DAYS TO REALLY TALK TO EACH OTHER. HE HAS BEEN TOTALY HONEST WITH ME. HE HAS ANSWERED EVERY QUESTION I HAVE ASKED. HE KNOWS WHAT PAIN I HAVE BEEN IN AND WHAT EMOTIONAL DAMAGE AND NOW FINANCIAL DAMAGE THAT HAS BEEN DONE. BECAUSE HIS ACTIONS HAVE NOW COST HIM HIS JOB OF 12 YEARS. THE OW AND H DID WORK TOGETHER UNTIL TODAY. WE HAVE A VERY LONG ROAD AHEAD BUT I JUST PRAY THAT WE WILL RISE FROM THIS BETTER PEOPLE WITH A BETTER MARRIAGE. WE CAN ONLY GO UP FROM NOW BECAUSE THIS A HAS COST A GREAT DEAL. I STILL HAVE MANY EMOTIONS AND ANGER INSIDE ME BUT IT REALLY HELPS TO HAVE THIS SITE TO SHARE MY FEELINGS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN IN MY SHOES. THANK YOU AND EVERYONE HERE. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

i was reading post from around the time i found out about my wife's A and your's sounds strikingly close to my situation.. lost her job and put us into financial trouble.. she had her "bills" to pay and i had mine.. not only was i hit with the A but i also had to pick up the financial side too.. i found out during a week she decided to go on vacation which was running up the credit card bills..

It is now a year later and I am still trying to recover financially but I am still down $35,000. My H I believe is at it again. But I am not sure but my gut tells me that he is. I guess I am just stupid to believe everything that he told me about how much I mean to him and nothing is more important than our family. This past year has been extremly difficult for me and my children my youngest went off to college in Virginia she is 19 My middle daughter had a baby boy Bsiley that was with us only 8 short weeks the loss has been extremly hard for me. I somethimes fell that I can not handle anymore but I am strong for my girls who really are married and really donot need a mother nagging about her problems and my 19yo is busy with college life and I would never let her know what is going on down here in Ga. She never has really accepted her step-father. But being able to talk with someone who is maybe felling the same way I do really helps. The only thing is I do not know if men feel the same type of loss as women because they are always trying to be macho. But I guess life goes on.

Have your read "Surviving an Affair"?

Have you exposed your WH for the affair? To Whom?

Do you know about Plan A? If not, you need to read the book, and learn how to take actions to encourage the affair to end, and how to change those things about you that would encourage your H to return to the marriage.

Best wishes,
SD