Have a counseling appt this week and have invited spouse to attend. If she doesn't what next? At that point should I go to plan A even if I only suspect an A. I have snooped to no avail and have contacted friend for info and that came back negative. Should I assume that since she does'nt want to try and save the marriage that there is another man waiting in the wings. Need advive!!

Go to your MC even if it is by yourself. Plan A as best you can. You have no solid evidence now but plan A teaches U to become a better H.

Read the book: His Needs/Her Needs by Dr Harley. Your intuition may be correct or not, regardless, there s/b things you can improve on.

take care,
L.

I just blew it this morning. Big time LB, its true your emotions are not to be trusted. I even kept telling myself not to do it and I did it anyway. Here is the story. Doing laundry for the family i found a pair of panty's she hasn't worn in years in fact I don't ever remember seeing them. Sexier than she normally wears. My suspicions got the better of me and my imagination was in overdrive. Then this morning she had put out her bra and panty set for the day and it was a sexy set of bra and panties. So I immedately thought it must be for the other guy (If there is another guy)since we haven't been together for 5 months. So I made sure I saw her in them and said somenthing to the effect of boy you sure are looking extremely sexy today. And she was livid she said that just by the way I said it she could tell there was a hidden meaning... she was right of course. She went on to tell me I was just pushing her farther away and she has'nt been happy for 10 years and needs to find out what she needs to make her happy. Lots of tears on my part, anger on hers. I appoligized profusely and I am so sorry I haven't been able to make her happy. Seeing counselor today I need it badly. I pray every day for God to end my life so I don't have to.

Lost- All of the signs are there. And the words come from the WS's script. So assume she is having an A.

To give you some hope, the marriagebuilders program does work. I wish I had spent less time crying, begging, following H, obsessing, etc. and just stuck to the plans here.

Everything that comes natural to you right now will be wrong. So get busy and do the program. Read all about the EN's and Plan A. It will probably work for you, and then there is always Plan B. Don't delay and you will save yourself a lot of pain and misery.

We did go to counseling together. I was pleased that she came and told her so. During the session I tearfully explained that the fear that I had had about losing my family and wife was upon me and that if she left I would have no chance to win her back. She said it wasn't over and that if she truly felt like it was over she wouldn't be there. So I take from that a small glimmer of hope. One thing the counselor asked was did either one of us have a friend that we could talk to and we both replied that we did not. She went on to say that the two of us have relied on each other for support for so long and have both given up many things for each other we have both lost ourselves. This is true I gave up many things I loved to do because she was unhappy about them (the early years)because of this I have been resentful of her. My biggest problem is still my suspicion of an A. I have stopped snooping for my own sanity it was the only way I could emotionally detach myself from fear, anger and despair. We will each see the counselor on our own and will then have joint sessions. She swears she has only been with two people her entire life her boyfriend before me and of course me. Maybe so, I want to believe her. I will see how counseling goes and what effects it has on her feelings towards me. Im kinda of in plan A just not full blown I guess. I know that if I keep on believing someone is out there it will only drive her away as i will be constantly in distress. Quite a predicament.