Evet since I met My H last week, I have been miserable and it is like a hell.

He is still contacting OW, and says cruel words to me, that he does not want to come home because I am here. But he leaves everything including taking care of two children, all the housechores and working full time. He even cannot pay enough money for all of us to eat. I have to go to work
taking pills(that does not work much now).

Because of a great shock, I couldn't stand up straight for two days. Every time I tried to stand up, I feel very dizzy and fell.

As she is his business partner, I am thinking about to tell her boss all about it with all the copies of e-mails I found that says to leave us and be with her. It indicates when and how they had sexual relationships also.

(If I tell it to HIS boss, he might lose his job and that is no good for me and to the kids.)

Is that too stupid to do?
Someone, please help me...

slow down... take a deep breath. Drink some water, cry if you want.. scream, because this is so painful. Now you gonna have to eat to keep your strenght for this: I know he left, but soon it will trigger in his mind. I am no expert.. I have my own issues, but all I know is how this feels. You have to continue your daily life... I know this may get difficult, but it must be done, see people.. go out with your kids to get your mind off this. Then go and read the introduction to infidelity on this website. Go on... please take care.

Your kids are depending on you. Go see a doctor if you are having problems. Learn to take good care of yourself.

Read about Plan A here. That is the starting point. Do not take his talk personally - we call it fog talk. All WS's say the same things - they are in a selfish fantasy world.

Hang in there, you can do this.

Wow, you sound like me a few months ago, I actually had to take a leave from work with everything that was going on. As I look back if I could change anything it would be to take more of the advice I rec'd on this board. Someone has a line that says something to the effect of: Believe almost none of what you hear (from the WS) and 1/2 of what you see. In other words, if I didn't mess that quote up too much, he is not acting rationally right now. The worst thing you can do is (1) let him see you like this and (2) REACT. Don't react to him. We all know the depths of despair we get into but when they are in this "fog" it doesn't matter, heck I think it may even push them farther away from us.

Whenever I would act like I didn't care, I was going to be strong and move on and be the better person is when my WH would turn around, but then I would blow it b/c of my temper. I don't know what your situation is but seeking professional help, even if you need medication does not make you a weak or bad person.

I wished I had truly followed more of the steps here, i.e. Plan A etc and no LBing. But in my case I am still trying to convince my WS that he had an affair, 3mths later and he still says he did nothing wrong. Sometimes the fog takes awhile to lift.

Good luck to you and focus on the children, they are the most important thing right now and sometimes the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.

Thank you for all who has sent me warm and comforting messages, Harudah, believer, and Sweet 1213. I feel a little better today.

I decided to go to work no matter how I feel this morning, and went to the office anyway.
It was hard at first, because everybody could see I was not walking straight, but it gets better and it was good that I could forget some of the miserable feelings while I was working.

I started to read Plan A part from this site, try to understand it now. Because I am a foreigner, it takes some time, but there is nothing better I could find the site like this in my country, I try my best to catch up. You guys are lucky that you have this kind of great site in your country.

I also started to read "His Needs, Her Needs" my dear freind from the US sent it to me. She has been through the same crisis and recovered from it.
My H is a rather quiet type, sometimes childish, but used to be very gentle and careing when we first got married. But during 10 years of marriage, he lost his hope to be happy here, and found someone else, and tried to be happy with her. Maybe I didn't try to meet his needs busy taking care of two sick children, worring about money all the time, and couldn't give up my career. i think I have things to learn also.

Yesterday morning and this morning he called to ask how I was doing. I didn't answer the phone, but my younger daughter did.
Then he sent me an e-mail saying he is worrying about me. I don't know what he really thinks. He said he doesn't want to come home because I am here, he doesn't love me any more, he loves OW very much, and he even went so far to say that he had kids because I stick him too much!!
If he truly worries about me, how could he say such a cruel thing to me?

Well it still hurts, but I should believe what you guys told me. It is a fog talk, nothing so important to care about.

I decided to take a week off( though it is a bit risky as I am not a regular employee) to be with my children. They are the most important thing in my life now and they need me.

Thank you all again for listening. I need to this place to spell out my feeling I will keep posting.




Yesterday morning and this morning,

riosana,

The book you truly need is "Surviving an Affair". It will outline both Plan A and B in detail, as well as describing logically how you got in this mess. What is your native language? Perhaps I can help you find a knowledgeable poster who can speak to you in your own language and so translation isn't so difficult. One of the best suggestions that I can give you....is to seek help from a professional. Counseling can be done by phone through the Harleys or through Penny Tupy and her site. It can also be done by email through Penny. So help is out there...and a good marriage coach makes a huge difference. You are welcome here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ February 03, 2004, 09:19 AM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

Thank you for your suggestion and help star*fish! I have ordered "Surviving an Affair"through this site today.

&#12288;My native language is Japanese. As you suggested, I might need a help from the one who understands both languages and the concepts of Plan A and B. I have one who is helping me for this, who also survived an affair and living happiely together with her family now. She is Japanese and her husband is American, and she encouraged me to post here. She said she received a lot of help from here.

So, what I should start is reading"Surviving an Affair" even though it is a turtle's walk, and get help from maybe Penny Tupy. Telephone counseling may cost me too much. How can I get to know about Penny? Sorry for bothering you, but could you give me some information to how to get there?