Well i haven't wrote in for a few days now. My wife is still living with other man and has the kids with her. I have started to see a councellor and asked him to help me try not to loose control of my emotions(specially anger). I am seeing the kids every weekend and letting them go is still hard as ever. I am not as depressed and have returned t most of my nomarl routines, but I havea feeling that I am just trying to move on cause i don't want the pain. I still have trouble sleeping . I wake up in the middle of the night because i dream of her and OM or us period. My mind fels overloaded. I think I am also moving too fast in this cause last weekend i got tired of trying to talk with her about us and her telling me she is not "in love" with me and that she is happy where she is. So I told her we need to not communicate unless it in reguards to the kids. Well see I had written her a letter to tell her this in a nice way along with reasons why we should be together. I never got a chance to give it to her. We argued and that's when I told her. I also told her she needs to get her name off the lease so I can move on .. of course that's not what I want but Iam tired of hurting. She seems like she is doing this because in the past I hurt her. Did I do wrong by telling her this. I can't let myself get depressed and loose self control over this I have the kids to think about, That's why I feel I should stop communication. I am just afraid I have made up my mind even though I still love her. <P>I am totally confused!!!! <p>[This message has been edited by jac (edited December 22, 1999).]

totally normal feelings.<BR>are you on any meds? antidepressants are a miarcle itell ya.<BR>i can only suggest reading, writing, and the like.<BR>with the holidays here- we are all in the same boat- as is she.<BR>the fantasy will end- be there for your kids-they will eventually know the truth.<BR>look up a thread by NSR called books, books, books- alot of good recovery there.<BR>May i reccomend books by ellis for anger, rebuilding by fisher, and a book called private lies by pittman.<BR>i am really not sure of the authors- but the titles are accurate.<BR>take care of jac, the rest will be as it should.<BR>dude, i know the pain all too well.<BR>come back more often and expand your freind list, keep your emotions in check<BR>i wish i could do more.<BR>all will be well. take care.

Thanks for the reply covenant. As a matter of fact i am on antidepressants. I would be still very depressed if I wasn't. I know it's going to take time and I trully love W. I really want us to be happy . i just can't handle you know, her with another man, and listening to her tell me she doesn't care for me.. I will be back more often it's just hard cause I have no PC at home. I just don't know how this is going to turn out I guess all i can do is hope for the best and prepare for the worst. <BR>JAC