Just a question, H claims he has nothing but disrespect,and hate for the ow and now realized what a pitifull (sp) person she is. Husband has claimed ownership and is doing everything to make it up to me, he says he can't beleive how stupid he was and how close he came to loosing everything,

I was just wondering if other WS do the same.

Wow! That sounds just like my husband....do they all use the same line or is it true? I suppose now that they are out of the relationship they have a look at themselves (it has to be hard for them to admit)and reality sits in. She was a horrible person for getting involved with a MM. I believe those women need something from men but do not want to make a commitment. Does she want to wash his dirty socks, not on your life.
I believe my H does hate the OW, mainly for being an accomplice to the pain I am going through.

Prayers for all women that are dealing with unfaithful husbands.....who do these men and woman think they are? If you are thinking about an affair, leave first! Don't be so selfish to think you deserve it or she won't find out! To thine own self be true!

Our story:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=009539

As you can see the other man had done this 12 times before.

At the time though my wife didn't know that. She knew he pressured her. She did try to end. She did know he was trying to abuse her but........

Ironically while in the "fog" of an affair I think wayward spouses even lie to themselves.

When I caught them he told her "before this is all over you are going to hate me." She said don't be silly...yes she was relieved it was over provided I didn't find out all the details. But she thought that at the time he said it he was wrong. Then later on she thought he said it because he claimed she stalked him and she pressured him. So she figured he meant it because he was going to tell his wife it was all her fault. I used how should I put this "questionable" methods to get ahold of his charts and records at the therapist he was seeing. Once I showed her how he had a history of this (12 previous affairs to be exact) did she realize she had been used.

Seems only after they are completely out of it do their eyes finally open wide. The old hindsight is 20/20 thing.

So yes I do believe many wayward spouses in the end hate the OP because they made the affair possible by being a party to it. But its sort of like your teenage kid getting mad at the kid with the bag of pot thinking it was his fault for he/she wound up smoking pot.

Hi ColoradoChris,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I was just wondering if other WS do the same.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yupp, they do!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

We are now past 3 years since d-d and my husband cannot believe what he did.
He just doesn't have a clue how he could of done the things he did and what he actually saw in OW.
He feels like a total Nut now and is so disgusted about himself and OW.

He himself feels like a total "wimp" when it comes to this time in his life and he sees how low and pitifull both he and OW were.

It truely frightens him when he thinks that he would of given up everything.

He can't even stand the thought thinking about OW, it turns him off completely.

take care
bb

Not to shift any of the blame off of him but the ow really is a peice of work, and as far as doing his laundry...she wouldn't do his, she was too busy doing her 5 (yes 5) kids laundry.

This OW is on her third marrage, had a 2 year affair with her minister, left her 2nd husband for her 3rd, and also had an earlier affair with another supervisor at work.

According H after he told her this couldn't go on she would call him and threaten to kill herself then would tell him her H was going to kill him, and her, crazy stuff like that. Just enough drama to keep him talking to her, kind of a fatal attraction. She did this with her minister too, they had to move accross the country. Three of her kids are children of A's I pray for them every day.

I don't want to shift any blame off of him, But I do think there are preditors (crazy women) out there that only pursue MM. I found another bb that just deals with people having A's. (yes they have their own bulliten board) Part of me is laughing inside that he got "caught up" in all of this, its kind of a "punishment" that he has to live with everyday when he sees her at work (he is looking for another job) that he knows how stupid he was to fall into the damsil in distress trap that women have pulled for years. He feels really stupid. (his words)And funny, H is finding out that her H wasn't doing the things she said he was. Just more salt in the wound for him (and probably me too)

So I guess it's only natural he dispises the ow. Bt maybe he just can't respect himself. Hope so.

thanks for listening I just had to get that off of my chest.

cc

You are right there are sexual predators of both genders.

I think Too Much Coffee Man put the best light on it when he said insecure people have affairs.

A sexual predator is a person so insecure they no one person can make them secure. They seek destroying others security in order to make there situation seem like the norm.

And they seek the lonely or bored to do this with. Its a game to them. Greater ego stroke if the OP is married so that is where they play the game. Plus I think they have some twisted view that they are no worse than the other person if they both are married so they don't target single people.