Welcome to the forum. I found this interesting excerpt from Dr. Cindy Crosby on another marriage site. She is answering questions:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Tell us more about emotional affairs.
If there's no sex, just the emotional attachment, is it as serious as a sexual affair?
An emotional affair without sex occurs when two parties share their feelings for each other. These affairs are supercharged with emotion. The sound of her voice, the style of his e-mail—they are all loaded. But if you confront them, they'll insist they've done nothing wrong. These secret emotional affairs are powerful influences in the individuals' lives. They often live in a fantasy world, where they imagine what the other party is doing, even while appearing to watch sports on TV or doing some other task.
These individuals rob their marriages of emotional energy. They will save topics of conversation to talk over with the people they are having the emotional affair with, rather than their spouses. They also struggle with feelings of betrayal when they have sex with their spouse. But a lot of these emotional affairs remain non-sexual. They are the hardest affairs to recover from, because there is no guilt.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Affairs are any relationship that rob your marriage of emotional energy. Aside from that...they had MORE than an emotional affair...they were kissing. Kissing is physical...and this is therefore a "physical affair". Perhaps it might help him understand the betrayal you feel if you ask him how HE would feel if you were kissing someone you worked with and continued to see everyday.
Here are late Shirley Glass's guidelines for keep your marriage safe:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Seven Tips for Preventing Infidelity
Maintain appropriate walls and windows. Keep the windows open at home. Put up privacy walls with others who could threaten your marriage.
Recognize that work can be a danger zone. Don't lunch alone or take coffee breaks with the same person all the time. When you travel with a co-worker, meet in public rooms, not in a room with a bed.
Avoid emotional intimacy with attractive alternatives to your committed relationship. Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours his or her heart out to you.
Protect your marriage by discussing relationship issues at home. If you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure that person is a friend of the marriage. If the friend disparages marriage, respond with something positive about your own relationship.
Keep old flames from re-igniting. If a former lover is coming to the class reunion, invite your partner to come along. If you value your marriage, think twice about having lunch with an old flame.
Don't go over the line when you're On-Line with Internet friends. Discuss your online friendships with your partner and show him/her your e-mail if he/she is interested. Invite your partner to join in your correspondence so your Internet friend won't get any wrong ideas. Don't exchange sexual fantasies online.
Make sure your social network is supportive of your marriage. Surround yourself with friends who are happily married and who don't believe in fooling around.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The two books that I think would help you the most are "Surviving and Affair" because like it or not...he had one. And "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. Continue to confront him about the time he spends with her...without lovebusting of course. It's important that you enforce your own boundaries on this issue...no matter who thinks you're being silly.
