Sometimes I wonder should I or shouldn't I remain intimate if he says he wants a divorce? I love him so much and most of the times I want to be with him intimately. And I feel that if I want it to work, I need to continue to do everything a wife should do even if he doesn't do his part. Then there are times when I feel: Why should I be there for him physically when he is not there for me at all. Our current situation is that he lives in the barracks on base and I live in apartment about an hour away with our little girl. He's says that he's planning to file for divorce in April. Then he says thing like, well if its meant to be we'll be together. He has most of his things out of the apartment, except for a few items laying around. He comes to visit Fri-Sun. I don't know. What do you all think? <p>[This message has been edited by jamie-lee (edited December 22, 1999).]

Have you done the emotional needs survey or checked out the rest of this site? Just assuming, but being a male, sex is one of my top needs. So by continuing to be intimate, you are probably fulfilling his needs and making deposits into his love bank.<P>Do everything you can to be there for him when he is with you. Love him as much as you can and how he needs to be loved.

jamie-lee,<P>If you want to be intimate by all means do so. If don't then don't. However, I think that by doing so you are filling your H's lovebank. I suspect that he is really having problems with the trust issue. When he goes on deployment, he cannot be sure of you. This probably kills him. One way to solve the problem is to divorce you. However, it doesn't sound like that is what he wants. He is having big problems with the jealousy and the trust. If you keep doing Plan A, and being very honest, then the trust will come back and so will his confidence. <P>You two are living a very hard lifestyle for marriage without the issues of fidelity. You also sound as if you are fairly young. Nothing wrong with being young . In fact it is great in many ways but with less experience to draw on, it makes these decisions and circumstances very hard to deal with. It sounds to me as if you are doing the right things. Keep it up. How much longer is he going to stay in the military? It would probably help if he was to leave it. I say that having grown up in the military and been in it myself. It is a tough on families especially with the isolated tours coming so often.<P>Keep up the good work and have good holiday.<P>God Bless You and Your Family<BR>JL<P>

Just learning,<P>He only has until Aug of next year til he gets out the military. This past deployment was a time for us ( more so him) to think about what we wanted. He said that the fact that I cheated (2 years ago) is not the problem. He said that I didn't give him the space to heal. Right now he says that the future is uncertain for him. I believe that during my pregnancy, the time that he needed space, I kind of emptied his love bank; I felt that I needed him and I never gave him the space he needed, I think I smothered hi,<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."