WH considers divorce a possibility. He wants to work on our marriage and go to counseling, Retroville but he considers D a possibility. Can you see the wind being kicked out of me?

OW called him two days ago, her 7 year old cousin is loosing all physical capabilities and is becoming like Stephen Hawking. He didn't mention anything about their relationship or ours. It was only a conversation that lasted a few minutes. I told him that in the future he should say, "I'm sorry, but it is inappropriate for me to comfort you. Take care."

He just can't imagine being in love with me. He started avoided coming home to me in October. He hasn't felt anything physical toward me since then. We conceived a child in early October so I asked him if that night did he feel nothing special, was he just placating me? He said no, of course not it was special. WHAT? I don't understand.

I thanked him for being honest, it's important for me to know how far away he is from me. Even though it took him a day to tell me about the phone call, I'm glad he told me.

I asked him what was he actively doing to help our relationship? (I've been getting all of the books, starting the conversations, researching counselors, finding about Retroville). He answered, "not leaving." Heart breaking, but I did ask for it.

He says I'm a strikingly beautiful woman, but he can't kiss me. He can hug me and hold me in bed and likes it when I rub his head. But he's uncomfortable when I touch him. I can't kiss my own husband. He says I need someone who will cherish me and frankly I agree. But I want it to be him.

I asked him if anything gives him hope for our marraige and he said, "your love for me." That's hopeful...

Our daughter woke up at 5 a.m., I helped her get back to sleep, but never went back to sleep myself. Got dressed and made coffee at 5:30, H Noticed and I said, "thought I would read a relationship book cause I don't have any answers" and WH said come here, pulled me into bed and held me until 7.

Just called me at work at 9 to see how I'm doing. He sounds aweful. I told him to not worry about me. I'll be fine, I will be stronger in the future. I thanked him for holding me. He mumbled stuff, calling to see how I'm doing. I told him about the chapter about Ambivalence, it says there is hope in ambivalence. I also asked him to see if x could baby-sit during counseling next week. Then we said good bye.

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY HUSBAND?

Time and patience, right?, but where is the man I love? Will he ever love me again?

I need to rename this post but I don't know how.

Loy

I just read the entire thread and I must say that you are amazing.

You are so in touch with your feelings, and when you write I feel your pain.

As a BS, let me tell you that I too, have gone through what you are going through, but it has taken the last six months instead of the last 2 weeks.

My WW has endured 4 unsuccessful attempts at no contact, and now has gone about a month. Finally, the withdrawal begins. From my observiations, what you are going through is normal. Withdrawal is real, intensely painful, and slow, agonizingly slow to progress.

Then there is the fog. Although it seems in your H's case the fog has cleared enough for him to see the damage he has caused, I don't think it has cleared to the point that he is thinking clearly at all times.

The fact that you are so in tune with your emotions may make this recovery a bit more painful for you. We BS's want this to all go away and to find that new, improved marriage that many speak of as a result of the A. I'm a bit like you, in touch with how I feel, and at reading my WW's emotions and sometimes hearing more clearly WHAT IS NOT SAID. It's really hard to endure this, when you are trying to exercise Plan A to the MAX, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

My point is, all this takes much more time than we think we can endure. The closest I come to LB's is when I try to get my WW to commit to a "point" that she simply hasn't reached yet. There is no printed timetable for this process, and it is easy to be so "hopeful" and optimistic that one can mistake some little things that take place as "signs" that recovery is well on it's way. Then another conversation may take place to remind you that, no, withdrawal is still going on, fog, although is clearing, remains, and you are not "there" yet.

My best advice is to start with a pro marriage counselor or coach, and continue the Plan A approach, just stop looking for this to be anything that's going to be "cured" in weeks, or even months. Most posts here indicate that two years is required to get though the thick of it, and recovery continues beyond that.

That's the hardest part for me. Type A, strong, confident, usually get what I want, having to wait, be patient, be understanding, suffer setbacks, and still have the strength to stay "somewhat" positive and try to keep moving forward.

I think we may have some of that in common. Others may see it differently for you, but I think you need to s t r e t c h the time frame for your expectations of a better, closer connection with WH. Don't obsess, and don't sweat everything that is said that doesn't suit you, because the fog will allow WH to say some things that are not based on true reality, rather his own fog-based reality.

You should be a writer, you write with such passion.

good luck

I have read your post and feel sad for what your going thru. Things you need to realize that no matter what your still a good woman, he chose this affair with no thought of you. His choice is selfish, now hes in mourning for her as Im sure he promised her things and gave her hope, now Im not just blaming him shes just as much at fault.
I suggest you get into MC and follow the Plan A/B it does work but you need to get past the horrible feelings of betrayal, sadness, all this is going to take alot of time. Make him accountable for all his time, money, ect. Tell him to give up password, change cell phone and the give you the ability to acess his account. Phone cards must go too. Please take care of you dont stand on your head trying to fix something you didnt break. Communication is the key, remember hes not going to be honest with you about everything and little by little you will find out more. It all depends on what you do with your information. Ive learned alot in the 6 months since I found out and then more in the last month when she was calling at his job. Now there will be no contact if she does she will go to jail for her transgression its called stalking. He brought this on himself and hurt me again.. I understand totally how you feel, take care of you, dont let his selfishness destroy you as a person. He will pay in the end and yes he will account to you if he loves you.. After all of this if he honestly loves you he will be the one bending over backwards to fix it.. Take care

Loy,

I really envy you. At least your H is open, and willing to work on your M. If I am in this stage I will be extremly happy. You are amazing. you took it very well. In SAA, it said that it will take a rollercoaster ride, thing will not go straigth forward. But hang in there, have your faith.

Loy -

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He just can't imagine being in love with me. He started avoided coming home to me in October. He hasn't felt anything physical toward me since then. We conceived a child in early October so I asked him if that night did he feel nothing special, was he just placating me? He said no, of course not it was special. WHAT? I don't understand.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is FOG talk.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I asked him what was he actively doing to help our relationship? (I've been getting all of the books, starting the conversations, researching counselors, finding about Retroville). He answered, "not leaving." Heart breaking, but I did ask for it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yup, typical... don't let it bother you (or try not to anyway. In their mind at this time they've made a huge sacrifice by staying. Now you've got to say that "what got us to the place where you felt you needed to have an A can never happen again. You don't want it to happen again, it's not good for either of you. You want a better relationship with him. So MC is a must now so the same mistakes *you* made you won't make again."

He's in FOG and you do need to make this about your development toward him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He says I'm a strikingly beautiful woman, but he can't kiss me. He can hug me and hold me in bed and likes it when I rub his head. But he's uncomfortable when I touch him. I can't kiss my own husband. He says I need someone who will cherish me and frankly I agree. But I want it to be him. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Has anyone close to you ever died and just days after the death you can't seem to remember the sound of their voice or certain things about them -- and you get frantic because you think you've lost everything about them.

Not being about to be more physical with you maybe be something like this. Not being able to cherish or love you at this moment may also be like that.

He's in shock too, he is struggling with-in himself, coming to terms with many things -- and some of it is not being the person he thought of himself as being.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I asked him if anything gives him hope for our marraige and he said, "your love for me." That's hopeful...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, he's saying even more that he's stuggling within himself and you are of value to him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Noticed and I said, "thought I would read a relationship book cause I don't have any answers" and WH said come here, pulled me into bed and held me until 7.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Someone who doesn't love or care would have just rolled over and gone back to sleep. He's reaching out, baby steps but steps none the less.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just called me at work at 9 to see how I'm doing. He sounds aweful. I told him to not worry about me. I'll be fine, I will be stronger in the future. I thanked him for holding me. He mumbled stuff, calling to see how I'm doing. . .

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY HUSBAND?

Time and patience, right?, but where is the man I love? Will he ever love me again? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's working his way through and struggling with what he's done, what he has valued, what he has lost (of himself), the man he used to be, the man he wants to be .. the whole 9 yeards.

Yes time, patience, LOVE AND SUPPORT. It's hard especially since you have to put your own hurt aside, for awhile. He's come this far, however, he could have turned and walked away. He may yet be that man you knew and who loved you again.

IMO he is already showing you there is love in him for you.

way2

<small>[ March 01, 2004, 09:02 AM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>

Loy -

I would say that I envy you, but I know better now. I believe some day I will be able to have these conversations with my WH. And I think they will be just as hurtful and confusing as yours are.

I am actually going to see the silver lining in my cloud, by choice. I am taking this time to prepare myself for the difficult work you are doing right now.

Please come here and vent and chat and get positive reinforcement for what you are doing. It is the hardest work you will ever do, me thinks!

Lots of hugs and support and love!

Amy

Thank you all for your insight and support. It means so much to me.

Had a scare last week, but at least it was short lived. No one likes to see any blood when their 5 months pregnant and so I spent all Thursday afternoon in the hospital getting tests, blah, blah, blah. I asked the Dr. if this could be caused by stress and the answer was “definitely not.” I think I’ve lost weight though, or else I should take comfort in the fact that even hospital’s scales are inaccurate (lol).

Friday night I H and I decided to skip a party a friend was having (we’ve all been fighting colds). LUCKY for us because the OW was at that party.

Saturday was a tough day for H. He was moody and I asked him to share. H is concerned that he’s wasted 10 years of my life. I told him that even knowing what I know now, I would still choose him. We’ve had too many good times, we share so many experiences, and we love each other’s family. I choose him. H told me I am everything he wants in a wife; I have every quality he’s looking for. Why wasn’t that enough?

That afternoon a friend from out of town called to see if we would be interested in going to his brother’s CD release party. H said he couldn’t go and then wrapped up the conversation. That hurt, am I not considered a friend? If H can’t go do I need to stay at home? H said, “I’ll call him back.” I said don’t worry about it, it’s just frustrating. Then H called his mom and asked her to baby-sit for me so I could see some friends. She agreed and came over a few hours later. That was a huge emotional need for me and I thanked H and told him he hit the bull’s eye. I got glammed up, went to a club and joked with friends, and then met up with H and more friends at 11 p.m.

Sunday was hard for me and H provided some comfort. He thinks it’s good that we’re alternating bad days so one of us is strong when the other isn’t.

Monday was a good day for both of us. I was acting like a confident woman and trying to remember that life is a miracle. H said he’s feeling more comfortable around me. I got H to talk a while about himself. I just listened. The scariest thing for him is that he was/is willing to throw everything away for OW. I told him that’s why I’m so afraid of any contact with her. I don’t want to start this process over again from the beginning. He mentioned that when OW called last week he didn’t think it started the recovery process all over again. I told him it didn’t bring us back to the beginning, but it was a set back. She needed his comfort about a family crisis and he provided that comfort. They both made deposits in each other’s love bank. He said that’s probably true. Then we watched Spinal Tap and laughed.

I will not kiss my H on the lips. I will touch him how he touches me, but no more.
I will not tell my H “I love you.” I will tell him good-bye or take care.
I will make the house as welcoming as possible.
I will look as good as I can.
I will become the confident and happy person I once was. Or I’ll fake it till I mean it.
I will become H’s recreational companion and best friend.
I will try to remember that this is a marathon and not a sprint.

Tonight we’re going to see Passions and then go out to coffee.

Important up coming dates:
March 11 we have our first MC counseling session.
April 16 – 18 is the Retrouville weekend.
June 25 is my due date.

Loy,

You're getting excellent advice here...so rather than just mirror that...I wanted to touch on something else. BTW....eight weeks is a pretty good time frame for withdrawal if NO CONTACT can be maintained. When contact occurs...even minor ones...it sets you way back. If he hasn't written a formal no contact letter to the OW...it should be done (for this very reason)...spelling out several things. 1) don't call me, I won't call you 2)If you do call, I will immediately tell my wife because I am trying to repair my marriage and that requires honesty and 3) If you continue to call, I will take steps to insure that it stops. Has he gotten a new cell number? Blocked her email addy? Think about some extra ordinary precautions to help him remain strong.

The other thing I wanted to mention is about pregnancy. My husband did not do well during my pregnancies. It put a huge strain or our relationship. The minute I became a "mother" I became de-sexualized to him. My last two pregnancies were when both infidelities occurred. He still had sexual needs...but could not see me in that way. That may be one of the things you must address....and think about if you are planning to have more children. And it's not unusual...many men have trouble psychologically dealing with pregnancy....and if you read up on this topic you might be able to put safeguards in place to prevent this in the future.

<small>[ March 02, 2004, 11:05 AM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

Loy

Pay particular attention to Star*fish. She's very wise, and her advice it dead on.

The no contact is so very important. Please give it some serious thought.

SD

Regarding NO CONTACT:

H ended A D-Day with a 4 hour goodbye session. I was not happy with this. It killed me, I didn't know he would take this opportunity to say goodbye and just run with it.

He kissed her goodbye.

Perhaps if I tell him how that kiss goodbye did not help OW move on with her life? By having a romantic "Cassablanca" goodbye he is leading her on. Hell, their romantic goodbye sure made me feel like a duty and a burden. OW must pity and admire him for his effort to make our "loveless" marriage work. (That is not really a quote but what else is the OW to think?)

E-mail is not an issue, H rarely uses it. I have access to his account, he's always asking me to check it for him.

They are both in the same industry and may run into each other at events. This industry is H's dream so he can't change his career. He can choose to not work with her on projects.

H's cell phone is essentially his work number. Perhaps he can prepare his clients and friends for the change over a week?

How do I bring up the No Contact issue again in a way that is positive and not hounding?

Loy,

I have been following your thread for some time now and felt compelled to write. You are an amazing and obviously (as completely evident in your posts) intelligent woman. I have found it inspiring just to read how you are facing this trying situation with such strength and courage.

I didn't know if this was actually appropriate to write, but I hoped it would be encouraging to you.

I do wish you the very best.

--alegna

Loy,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How do I bring up the No Contact issue again in a way that is positive and not hounding?

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have to put things into your own words...but here is a possible example:

In order to protect me, our marriage...and even you...it would be wise to put some safeguards in place to help you resist the temptation to resume contact with X. I know that this kind of relationship can feel almost like an addiction and it can restart very easily. Here are some things that would each of us some peace of mind......(show list of Harley's extra-ordinary precautions from the homesite or SAA).

St*rfish:

H and I talked last night during dinner about how I feel vulnerable because of no strict guidelines of No Contact. Here is what was decided:

1. If OW calls, H will let cell phone pick it up and erase the message without listening to it.

2. If he accidentally answers he will tell her they can't talk and he loves his wife and family.

3. If we go to a party where she is, for now we'll use my pregnancy as an excuse to leave immediately. There will be no conversation. After baby is born we will devise another plan.

4. E-mail was never a means by which they communicated, see my last few posts.

It's a beginning. I'm still going to be a super sleuth. I hate this. I hate not knowing what to trust. His lies were through omission, so when do I know he's holding back? Is it because he wants a break from talking about things or because he's hiding something or because he's uncomfortable around me? I don't know.

A part of the reason we are in this mess is because WH hid his fears from me, swept them under the rug, and tried to deal with it by himself. So, advice to wait until WH brings up the A to talk about it is just encouraging our poor pre A and A communication.

The questions are:
How often should I try to get us to work on our marriage? What's a good, non threatening way for us to learn together? Do I just wait until next week during the counseling session? Should I have many nights of no marriage talk? Will I be misleading H to think that I'm having an easy time?

Weird discussion note: We were talking about different types of A and I told H that some BS have a revenge A, but I could see someone having their own A just to prove that they were still desirable. He said that anyone would be sick to chase after a pregnant woman. He then apologized and said that it's not me, but it's just wrong to go after someone pregnant. Isn't it just as sick to go after a man who's wife is expecting? It's not as if the baby is more mine than his.

I always thought I would have 3 - 4 children, but I don't know if I ever want to be pregnant again. I never want to feel as vulnerable, unloved and abandoned as I do now. Of course, we watched the birth of a baby on TV last night and exchanged cute/ excited looks. Hell, I shouldn't worry about more children, you have to have sex to get pregnant.

Loy,

I think you have a great start on the precautions. Some others you may want to consider are accountability for time and money...you know his schedule, you see the bills....but he sounds like he's cooperating. As I told you before....you guys really are light years ahead of some of the folks here dealing with this problem.

The questions are:
How often should I try to get us to work on our marriage?

Well as you can probably predict...most WS's find relationship talks pretty depressive....and a continuous reminder of their guilt. So please do be careful about how often the talk revolves around that. It's hard to have fun at a time like this...but if you have a good counselor...I'd say do most of the R talks in there...with perhaps one in between where you do whatever homework he may give you all. My H always thought we had to many....I felt like we didn't have nearly enough...in the end...I guess you both have to compromise a little. He won't want to talk much...but you need to.

What's a good, non threatening way for us to learn together?

One thing Dr. Harley told my H and I to do at the seminar...was when we read any of the books...I was to highlight what was particularly meaningful to me in pink....he in blue...then we switched books and could get some insight into how the other was feeling.

Do I just wait until next week during the counseling session?

Only if you're comfortable with that. If you need more communication than that...try to be sensitive of the timing. It's a tough road for a while. sorry.

Should I have many nights of no marriage talk?

This is a definite...you've got to let it rest sometimes or it goes sour.

Will I be misleading H to think that I'm having an easy time?

Not having a relationship "talk" isn't the same thing as pretending you're okay. You can still honestly express your feelings and struggles...but not "get into" a whole discussion about them.

Weird discussion note: We were talking about different types of A and I told H that some BS have a revenge A, but I could see someone having their own A just to prove that they were still desirable. He said that anyone would be sick to chase after a pregnant woman. He then apologized and said that it's not me, but it's just wrong to go after someone pregnant. Isn't it just as sick to go after a man who's wife is expecting? It's not as if the baby is more mine than his.

Amazing how some people seem to be able to compartmentalize that isn't it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> It's also interesting that he kind of mirrored what I was saying about the "pregnant wife" not being desirable thing. It's not uncommon at all for men to feel this way....and I'm with you...what kind of woman goes after a man with a baby on the way??? ack!

I always thought I would have 3 - 4 children, but I don't know if I ever want to be pregnant again. I never want to feel as vulnerable, unloved and abandoned as I do now.

When I found out I was pregnant again at 42...I was scared to death. I talked to my H of my fears because of what had happened before. I know exactly what you mean. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Of course, we watched the birth of a baby on TV last night and exchanged cute/ excited looks. Hell, I shouldn't worry about more children, you have to have sex to get pregnant.

I know how you feel about that too!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Loy....of all the couples on this board however...I see great hope in your situation. This will get better. Stay stong...blessings to you!!!

Loy

Sounds as if things are progressing in a very positive way for you. That's wonderful.

I'd only like to add, that when you do talk about your marriage, pay close attention to your WH's responses. If they sound at all foggy, your conversation is wasted, and any points you think you made, you didn't.

If he's in a "clearing", you may be able to determine that, and make sensible conversation with him. But as they say in the basketball arena at Kansas University... beware of the Phog!!!

SD

I'm going to try and lay off the conversations for a while. Had one last night that really was not fun. The problem of our M is that he feels "no romantic love" for me. But he wants me to be sexy? Or at least feel sexy.

He blew up at me once, thought I was being mean but then came back and we talked it through. He mentioned that OW and him were talking about why they were in the A, was it because of our marriage problems or because her, H said a little bit of both but that he could've only had an A with her. (I suggested that if I could've had an affair with anyone, so could he. OW just was in the right time and the right place rather than it being true love)- he didn't like this comment, felt I was being mean. I pushed too soon on this issue probably a big LB.

We tried to end our conversation on a positive note by doing a Dr. Shirley Glass exercise. You list 10 things you like about spouse, list 5 things you think spouse would appreciate if you did for them, and then list 5 things you would like spouse to do for you. All items on the list were to be positive, but H messed up the last section and listed things he wished I wouldn't do. He wished I would let conversations end instead of rehashing items. He wished I wouldn't nag him (the example he gave me was when I nag him about money - a topic I haven't brought up with him since November or December). He wished I would give him more alone time (he was able to hide an A, I think he can be inventive enough to create alone time for himself). He hates it when I talk in an affected way and say "yeah, yeah, yeah." He wants me to act more sexy/confident.

So at the end of this nice exercise I get slammed and of course I feel defensive. He apologized and said he messed up the whole thing and that it's his fault. He was just trying to think of 5 things to mention. But it's still disturbing that these are the first 5 things he wants me to do for him. We tore off his negative wish list and threw it away and I went to bed trying to focus on all the other nice things he said about me.

Point is, I no longer recognize myself in my husbands eyes. Who does he think I am? I have done so many nice things for him and the negatives (two of them haven't happened in several months) make the list.

He wants us to just hang and have good times. How do you have good times when your exhausted and hurt? Maybe I'll post this question "in recovery."

Thanks guys for your support and feedback. I can't tell you how much it means to have a sounding board and to know you think we're making progress.

I'm going to try and take a vacation from this issue. I may cry, but I will not get into a conversation. I'm going to try and get through the Friday with out bringing up the A. Baby steps.

It sounds like you are handling things really well. Don't feel bad about going along with the 4 hour goodbye.

I went along with my H flying out to see OW and decide who he wanted (during which they had sex a few times as she made a last ditch effort to keep hold of him). He broke it off with her but completely tried to do it in a face saving way for himself. Anyway, despite doing it the "wrong" way and the fact that he never sent an official NC letter- he did write one, but I didn't mail it because her H was uncomfortable with the idea... we did manage to make it into recovery somehow...

One thing I did was buy Judith Waller's book about the consequences of divorce for children. One thing that hit my H hard was learning that when fathers leave they lose their "head of household" status in their children's eyes. My H did not want to lose that...

I think your H's past history is really a factor in this. How did he feel about his own father and his parent'd divorce? Does he feel it is inevitable that he follow in his father's footsteps? When he says he hopes the new baby isn't a boy, I think he is also expressing his fears about himself replicating his father's behavior.

OK, so I'm trying to not talk about A but I get anxiety attacks when my H comes home late, doesn't answer his cell or our phone home, and says he is going on errands but I can't reach him on his cell phone. (D-Day when I broke up their make out session H had told me that he would be running errands and I couldn't reach him on his cell phone or at home). Just now I almost drove home to try and find him - I did this two weeks ago too.

I don't want to lovebust, but I have this huge fear that I will deceived again. What is my protection that this won't happen?

I don't want to feel everything from Dday over and over again. But if he could hurt me before he can hurt me again. What is different this time?

So, he finally answered his cell phone. He had taken his D to the conservatory and turned off his cell phone. Sounds like a nice thing to do with your daughter, but it also sounds like a nice date. I'm sure no one will reply before I go home today....

How do I deal with anxiety attacks and implement a plan A? I don't want to talk about A everyday, but I often don't know how to tell what's real all the time.

H just called and said he's sorry, he should've told me what they were going to do. Breath in and out....calm down....

OK. I'm going to continue with plan A and let him bring up this issue if he wants. I'm not hiding my attacks, but I'm not going to beat him with them either. He knows they are there and that is enough for now.

Some friends of mine are coming over to watch a movie with me tonight, Lost in Translation. I hope it's not too emotional for me. The nice thing about being pregnant is that I can get away with crying in public. If I can cry watching Antique Road Show, I can cry anywhere!

Loy
I know what your going thru, my wife wont tell me who she was with and every time i go in to her work I wonder if it could be the guy bagging groceries? or the meat and seafood guy or any other guy she works with, the roller coaster goes on and on.... last night we were "involved" so to speak and all of a sudden this image of her with him came into my brain, talk about a romance killer. but all i could do is relax and just try and believe as i always try to beleieve that she lovers me and and is just mine, so it goes on and on
hope it helps
cliff
my prayers are with you

p.s. as of right now she is 2 hours late and no call and her cell is off........

<small>[ March 05, 2004, 06:46 PM: Message edited by: cliff ]</small>

It comes down to laying aside your distrust and disbelief in everything , cause little things that didnt matter before matter a big deal now a days. Loy i feel for you cau7se my situation is a litle different cause the A happned 2 years ago so a lot of time has passed so a lot of feelings I could be feeling now was felt back then.... I just pray that your H realizes what a wonderful woman he has before its too late.....
im praying for you
cliff