<BR>I'm completely confused about what the H is doing...I need input folks!!!<P>If you've been following - H was supposed to call Sunday about going to BIL's house for Twins B-Day that we missed.<P>He called today about noon - wanted to know if I was going today and asked it he could come with me - I asked him what happened to calling me back Sunday and he says "What do ya mean?" DUH!!! Reminded him that he said he was going to call me back - his response "Oh". LIke he completely forgot he even said it. Told ya!!!<P>He comes over at 2:00 on the motorcycle and I said that I was riding over with him. He didn't really want me to incase he got called in to go to work - too bad!! I said " then why did you come here instead of going right to your brother's house?" he had no answer so I hopped on!!<P>Three things occurred on the way over there that he would usually have gotten PO'd about:<BR>First, my BB Cap blew off and he had to turn around and go get it. No problem - he even laughed.<BR>Second - Had to stop and get cards - again no problem - he went and got gas while I was in the store and even came in and gave me some more money to put in them - normally he would be pouting in the parking lot and then yell about taking so long.<BR>Third - he decided to go the back roads which he had only done once coming from their house - so of course we got lost. - again no problem - he rode around and said this was nice - then he even asked directions!!!<P>Now - on the surface these seem normal and would not be a big deal....but with H all these things would have, like I said, made him completely PO'd - such inconveniences......very weird!!<P>At the BIL's - he actually interacted with the kids!! Big difference from his norm in recent years!! His other Brother came by (he hasn't talked to him at all since he moved out and never told him about us) then that B's wife came - so all of us were together and all was fine!! They kept looking at me with the "what's up with you two?" look and I was at a total loss as to why he wanted us together today!!<P>Then, we're leaving and he asked if I wanted to stop and eat - Sure!!!<P>While we're sitting there - we talked and he seemed to try to focus on what I was going to do for money to live, etc. I said I don't know and he pushed the fulltime working thing again.<P>Forgot to mention that his lawyer had told him that the judge ruled pretty much in his favor and starting last week he's to give me $220 /wk....Definitely will appeal with the shark lady!! He<BR>had asked me on the phone what I was going to do and I said "I don't know and if he hadn't lied on the stand I wouldn't have been reemed but that's OK cuz I'm sorta getting used to it!!" I also told him that I might be switching lawyers and he said that I should cuz the one I had wasn't that good!! Do you believe it!!!<P>Then He comes over with an $1100<BR>check and says it doesn't include the new ruling stuff!<P>Back to the talk in restaurant:<BR>I said "Let me ask you something, besides the fact that I always enjoyed working and even put aside the fact that you've seen the pain I get at times from the injuries, do you really believe that I would throw my marriage away because I didn't WANT to work? Where in God's name would you ever get such a stupid thought and then latch on to it and use it as a reason for divorce? You have to explain this because it is something I have never comprehended." <P>No explanation was forthcoming - he sorta mumbled and stumbled and nothing tangible came out. I didn't push further - I think he needed to think about exactly what I said and let it sink in. You see this is one of two things that I feel guilty about and that he could use as something bad against me. I think that he and the OW and other "friends" have been making this big deal to help him to justify leaving. <P>As we're leaving the restaurant he said again about how would I support myself and I said maybe get a boarder - he said well, it can't be male!! I said why not and then I said Oh, till the divorce is over we have to look good - is that why you keep denying your girlfriend. "I don't have a girlfriend - I have girls that are friends!! Barf!!<BR>I said "Hon - you don't live in a bubble, you are seen you know!!"<P>He just looked away and didn't say anything else.<BR> <BR>We get back to the house and I expected to just be dropped off!!<P>More surprises - He came in, read the paper (which he has not done since he moved out), even went to the bathroom (leisurely!!) and it was so weird!!!! Like he had never left me!!!! He played with the dog, looked around the yard and house ..Didn't get out the weed whacker though!!!! After a couple of hours he left me with a BIG HUG and kiss.<P>Folks, I gotta tell ya - I have no clue what the hell is going on here and I really need some opinions!!!!<P>Thanks in advance!!<P>***Forgot the most important part -<P>When we were talking he was insisting that I have to decide about money and said "I don't mind paying for a year or two but if I have to pay for a long time I might as well stay married!!"<P>What does it mean??<P><BR>------------------<P>Thanks for being there! Good Healing - Sheba<P><p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited August 25, 1999).]

Sheba,<P>He sounds confused and thoughtful but if I were you, I would not get my hopes up. Maybe he is experiencing regret but wether it is enough to bring you together, we just don't know. Keep moving toward your own life. If he decides he wants to reconcile then he has to make that choice in his own mind and work for it. Then even you will know that he came back for you and not anything else.<P>Well I am no professional and the Lord knows I ask for his help everyday! God Bless you Sheba, I hope things work out for your best interests!<P>Lila

Sheba,<P>Who knows what he is feeling. He may feel guilty for lying in court and being nice makes him feel less guilty.<P>He could be feeling nostalgic.<P>He could feel that since proceedings are underway you do not have the expectation of getting back together, so he is letting his guard down.<P>He may realize you are a great person and see you as a friend.<P>He may be starting to have a change of heart and doesn't even realize it himself.<P>My advise? Stay the course. Whatever you are doing seems to be working. Don't worry about letting Shark Lady loose...he probibly respects tough. <P>Don't pursue...don't let him get away with BS, but be the nice person you are and see what happens. <P>PS...Your H is a piece of work!<P>PS PS Were you riding without a helmet? I'll tell you what I tell my kids. I like your brain...you have a good one. I don't want to see your brain splattered over the street. Put your helmet on!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Sheba<BR>It sounds to me like he is starting to think about someone other than himself. a big part of growing up.<BR>FHL is right (she usually is) - just keep doing what you are doing. That is all you really can control. Who knows what is going on in their heads? Maybe second thoughts now that he is really going through with things. Maybe small realizations of reality?<BR>Just try not to get his back up. Once they get stubborn they fight harder to prove they were right! Enjoy the good things.

Sheba,<P>You should be confused if you are looking to him for clues on what he is thinking.... He is confused!<P>Don't lovebust, be sooooo careful. Make the time around you irresistable. <P>You know, one thing about bonding - are when you and your husband have little tiny secrets to share, like - something stupid and silly..... A comment that has a double meaning...????? Did anything like that happen? <P>This isn't over, odviously... We'll keep praying and waiting!!!!

Sheba, Back to your other post...He's the Wack-a-Doodle! <P>You must be so confused by all this, I know I sure am! I wish we knew what he was thinking so we could tell you. Too bad things don't work that way.<P>You are doing a good job! It's hard to say where that will lead you, but I see that he's still hugging you and kissing you. That's something positive. (very confusing too I'm sure!)<P>Hugs to you!<P>------------------<BR>Shoni<P><BR>

I agree with everyone else. He's confused. Divorce is such a big step no matter the circumstances and maybe he is finally realizing just what he is doing. May not mean anything though.<P>Hope for the best, expect the worst. <P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Sheba,<BR> I'll be odd man out this time, first he is a whack-a-doodle, and second and maybe even third, he maybe sorry for what he did, BUT... it also sounds like he knows you can nail his rear end to the barn door, so he wants to make nice,<BR> Just keep doing what you have been only time will tell, and keep him paying as long as possible, it won't hurt him all that much I'm sure, and you need it.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hi Everyone -<P>I'm not getting my hopes up Lila, so don't worry!! I just need to figure things out, I guess!! Partly due to the way I am and partly habit from this nightmare of the last few years.<P>I hope I didn't start everyone's day by confusing them, too!!!! LOL<P>By seeing your thoughts, it helps me to eliminate ones that don't fit and add ones that I hadn't thought of. So thank you!!!<P>I guess I was confused also, if I had done any lovebusting with anything.<P>Being that he had wanted me with him to BIL's before the judgement - I think that it was because he didn't want to face his brother and SIL alone and I was his buffer.<P>The money talk was part guilt, part fishing - I think. <P>He's guilty for leaving me when I was down financially and he's fishing around to see if I was going to pursue this appeal and how much I ultimately think I want and for how long.<P>I'm sure that all the personal feelings about me are there and that they come and go - like flashes of real life to him.<P>One thing I can eliminate that FHL said is that he knows that I have not released my thoughts that this can be worked out. I've been very steady with that and that I love him. I think he is wishing that I would say that it's best to split!! That would make it easier on him - I'm not about to do that!!!<P>He is a piece of work - isn't he FHL??<BR>What a lucky girl I am!!!! LOL!! He didn't used to be this way and that's who I keep in mind while in this hell.<P>When he was mumbling and stumbling when I asked my work question was saying that it was irrelevant and in the past. I said that no - we married for life and therefore his reasoning for ending is not irrelevant and not past - I don't stop loving someone just like that and even though his parents use it like a light switch it's not something that I can do and I know that he knows that it is not as easy as he's trying to claim. He said "oh, yes it is" I said that I hoped he wasn't fooling himself about it and that someday he didn't end up as lost and miserable as his parents are."<P>As far as those little secrets, TNT - we have tons of those and I think that is what has kept us as friendly and "bonded" as we are through all of this.<P>Shoni, the hugs are great but rest assured the kisses are only pecks. I think I've forgotten how to "make out" - LOL!!! That's OK though, it will be fun to relearn all about it again, don't ya think!!!! Whether that is with H or someone else - who know!! At the rate this is going - I should start looking around senior citizens and see what percentage of them actually "make out" anymore!!! lol!!<P>So, anyway - have I done OK? Did I lovebust or is there something else I should be doing or saying? The letter is still in the works and is revised after each encounter if needed. I think that I will "feel" when the right time is to give it to him - do you think that's right?<P>Thanks again all and let me know<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<P>PS - Yes, Mom - I am sorry for not wearing a helmet (wind in my face and blowing my hair - just love the feeling!!) But you're right - bad girl, Sheba!!!

Sheba,<P>You are just too funny! I bet there are alot of single guys hanging out at the Senior Citizen Center just waiting for a YOUNG woman like you to take them home! LOL<P>Trust yourself about the timing with the letter. I really believe you are doing well with what you've been given to work with. H and you are still able to get along, and even the pecks are something!!! He could want absolutely nothing to do with you and that's not the case.<P>I find it quite ironic that he's telling you that it's good you got a new lawyer. HELLO! Does he forget that new lawyer is after HIM?!! Definately shows his lack of thinking these days, doesn't it?<P>Keep up that good attitude. You always say something to make me laugh, and I think it reflects that you are doing well even in this crappy situation!<P>------------------<BR>Shoni<P><BR>

Hi Shoni -<P>I think he's trying to think - he's just not very good at it with the old brain lately....He's been thinking with uh..something else for quite a while now and the real brain is dystrophied!! lol!<P>The senior thing - I was only thinking that I would be that old when I relearned and it hadn't crossed my mind about doing it now with one of them. Looking at the pile of bills waiting to get paid though, perhaps if he had some cash...hmmmmm! Just Kidding.....YUCK!!

Sheba,<P>Tell Mr. Wacky Doodle that your new male boarders have agreed to a little escort service and you will arrange their appointments to make $. It sounds like H family is on your side and H doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't want to think of you with anyone else that is pretty obvious from the things that he is saying. Tell him that the new lawyer is planning on taking him for everthing he has so he won't be able to afford an ow for a long time No, that might be love busting but it would be fun.<P>Hang in there but keep working on you. You will be so much stronger either way this turns out.

Okay - this is getting nuts, now!!<P>H called a little while ago - he's working and just called to "chat"!!<P>What are you doing? Did you get to the bank today with the check? How's the dog? What are you watching? Are they Yankees winning? Do you listen to the Police Scanner anymore? HUH?????<P>Not only am I on a rollercoaster but I am on a spinny ride too!!! (don't go on spinny rides so I can't even think of a name of one!!)<P>What is he up to? He hates baseball and never asked about Yanks before!! Told him I worked today and He asked how I felt - if I was sore? WEIRD!!!!<P>Told him SIL called and wanted to know what was going on with us. He said "what - if we got back together?" I said "I wasnt' sure what she meant but AI told her that it was probably so that they couldn't ask you too many questions about what you're doing." He said "That wasn't really it - I do better with the kids with you around" HUH????<P>When he asked me if I listen to the Police Scanner I said Not really and he said "oh, you're not interested anymore?" I said, "It just kept me too focused on him!!" He said "Oh" HUH??<P>Then he had a car race by him and he said "Gotta call you back, I'm probably gonna have a chase here" I said "be careful" He said " I will Hon - don't worry" HUH??<P>Whack-A-Doodling big time here!!!!<P>HELP!!!!!!<P>PS - Derby : I'm hanging in here I guess!!!!!!

Hi Sheba,<BR>Haven't posted for a long time it seems. H and I are getting along very well right now. I tend to take a totally different attitude about your H. Seems to me he wants to make sure you are still there waiting in the wings for him to regain his sanity. I know I was so frustrated with trying to talk to my old friend.........he wasn't here anymore. He just seemed to want me to leave him alone to watch TV and excist in his own world. I have never been so confused! I think your H is still attached even though he may want to end it or his "friends" think he should. My H told me the other day that he used to think I was the strongest woman in the world but since the "problem" I had become very weak. I agreed that I was weak and tired.........of games! I'm almost 60 years old and should be able to just relax and enjoy life. The fact that he broke rules and feels guilty are his problems. H is a mechanic and I ask him if a car came in with a wobbly wheel that was falling off every day would he just replace the thing or would he find out why it kept falling off! He looked at me strange a minute and said, "D--m! Every time you say fix it or work on it I get upset, but that makes sense." And he has been looking for the reason for our "wobbly wheel" since last Saturday. It is only a few days but I feel much better. He doesn't seem phoney anymore. And we don't wear helmets either. A full helmet is so dangerous because you can't see or hear very well. We had matching Honda's that we rode all over the country. Losing my best friend has been the worst of this whole thing. We don't ride much anymore, but my 23 year old daughter just bought herself a 99 Sportster and had it lowered. She let me ride behind her but wouldn't let me ride by myself, (selfish girl) LOL. Sheba, you have been my rock.......I listen to everything you tell me and try it. You will find the right answers for yourself but I am inclined to think your H still has all the feelings......plus guilt. I know how depressing it is but I told H he mistook my love and concern for him and us, as weakness. If I did what I know was right for me I would have kicked his sorry [censored] out. But I believe he has a BRAIN TUMOR!!!!!!!!!LOL. Bless you Sheba, I'll be praying for you.<BR>Love, Karen<BR>PS Just went over and asked H what he thought of your situation ( easy for them to judge the other guys) and he said your H is probably keeping all his options open.<BR>Joke: People shopping for brains, women's brains $20. men's brains $100. Why? Men's brains are not used. My 12 year old granddaughter shared this. <P>------------------<BR>alleyoop<BR>

Sheba,<P>When you check into the loony bin, please give them my name for a consult! LOL<P>Hang on girl! You’re doing fine, even if it feels like hell!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

OK - I did a big LOL for that one, Chris!!!!!<P>Hey!! How come I get checked in and you're only a consult??? LOL!!<P>Get back here and tell me if I love busted or not......you know I can't figure out that stuff by myself!!<p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited August 26, 1999).]

Lovebust?!? I can hardly see the screen right now. (M.r Jim Beam talking). I’ll reply tomorrow when I can type better!

Hi Alleyoop -<P>Thanks for your words....<P>I'm so glad that you two have had such a communication breakthrough!! Amazing thing this communication stuff - it's sort of like a word search puzzle in that you just have to find it!!!<P>Thank H for the insight and your granddaughter for the joke!! Pretty good!!<P>Love and Hugs,<P>Sheba<P>PS - AW Chris - Here's a big HUG for you, too!! Now go to beddy-bye!!!

Where's all of that wonderful insight, people? C'mon folks, I'm getting pummelled with confusion here!!!<P>Oh, FHL - I didn't get back to tell you that the Jaws reference - well, I was thinking about what you said about the soup can. I was thinking along the lines of how Brody blew up the shark!!<P>Guess I was having a displaced anger episode - what do you think? LOL!!

He called me again!!!!<P>Would you guys please get out here and talk to me!!!!!<P>I'm losing it!!! My resolve is fading and I'm getting mushy!!!!<P>What is going through his mind??????<P>He's making me nuts - I love him sooooooo much and it's like he's teasing me!!!! <P>HELP ME WITH THIS!!<P>I need your strength to keep me steady here.<P>Sheba