I don't know if I should of attached this to my last one - but I just confronted my h re: the emails I found- he said they were all "joking around" that he and this woman have always had that kind of relationship with each other(making sexual ineundos and such). Anyways- I said even it is all talk it is disrespectful to me and it is like having an emotional affair- as he has talked to her about our problems. He got very angry and left- said he didn't want to spend another night talking about this. As he doesn't like that he is being accused of having an affair. We argued over her because she had left a flirty vm msg fro my husband a few months ago- that we fought over for a while as it of course raised suspicions because we had trust issues before we were married and there were some other signs there. What the heck do I do now if he doesn't even admit to it or admit that the emails were innappropriate. I think I will sit down and write him a letter as we it may be hard to talk about this with the emotions so high. I also may email this woman as she had already tried to contact me a while back when I was first suspicious.
Please help if anyone has any suggestions of what to do next?

Linda,

I have heard it said that emotional affairs are some of the hardest to recover from because the WS has no guilt. You may not be able to convince him that he has had an affair...why not take a different tack. Talk about the fact that contact with with women outside of your marriage hurts you, is inappropriate, takes energy away from your marriage, breeds suspicion etc. Put it in terms that he may be able to accept and work on. In the meantime....keep up your radar.

I'm going through the same thing right now. Hubby met a woman in a chat room, and it escalated into private chats, IM, phone calls, e-mails,exchanged photos, etc. They had even planned on meeting up last month for a romantic weekend together. My husband cancelled the trip at the last minute (can we say guilt?!)and took me on a weekend getaway instead. This woman is also married and has 3 small children. To this day my husband says they are no more than just friends, and that the person he was going to meet up with for the weekend was a MALE friend of his. I have copies of e-mails they sent to each other professing their love, cell phone bills that have numerous calls per day to and from each other,and I also found out that back in Dec my husband sent her money for her to make the trip to meet him last month. My hubby doesn't know I have all of this hard evidence, and neither does the other woman. My husband still calls her at least every other day (he doesn't know I know that either). Just this morning he told me that he no longer talks to his 'male friend' he was going to meet up with. So, the lies continue. But on the other hand, the hubby wants us to renew our wedding vows on our anniversary this year, and he set up a marriage retreat for our church. He also has been more loving towards me and said that he is blessed to have me as his wife. This all leaves me totally confused and hurt...especially since I don't know what to believe since he hasn't been honest with me about his EA that was almost also a PA. When I confronted him last month about my suspicions (without displaying the evidence I have)that this woman seemed like more than a friend, he blew up at me and told me I was being paranoid! I also feel sorry for this woman's husband. He has provided her with a fancy house, a maid, private schooling for the kids, etc. And this isn't the first affair she's had on him. Of course she told my hubby in an e-mail that she just wanted to meet up with him a couple times a year for weekends together....so basically she doesn't want to lose her cushy marriage, but doesn't care if she destroys mine. I haven't confronted her, or said anything to her husband. At least she doesn't live in our area, she lives about 9 hours from here. I love my husband and I want our marriage to work out. I just don't know how to go about getting him to admit to the affair, short of putting the physical evidence I have under his nose. I don't want to do that because if things don't work out, I won't have the leaverage(sp?) I'd need in a divorce. I know he suspects I have something on him, because he's changed his e-mail password and hides his cell phone so I can't see the incoming/outgoing call logs on it.

Most will never admit the affair. You can start in Plan A, and do some investigating.

Linda R -

Go get the book "NOT Just Friends," by Shirly Glass. It will explain to you exactly what is going on. Knowledge is power. Hang in there.

Amy