Where do I start. Me and my husband have been together for 8 years. 3 children, house, dog, cat the whole 9. Theother night my husband informs me that his old flame, out of the blue, called him to let him know that she was now divorced, and wanted the scoop on him. He told her he was married and had children, and he says that he hung up with her right away. The reason, why he decided to tell me was because it was bothering him. How, my husband told me was what bothers me. He refered to the call as an "offer". He admitted it was tempting. And with this conversation, it has opened up so many topics, that we are working on. What also, bothers me is that 2 weeks before he told me, we were on the verge, of separation. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave, knowing she was now available. But he can not see himself, being away from our kids, and raise hers. The night of the conversation about the call, I told him, if he want her, go get her. I would rather see him happy with her that to be here miserable with me. He said NO. That's not what he wants, he wants us, to be happy, but says that sometimes, he doesn't see that happenign either, I need anyone to please help me!

Monet3,

Did the relationship with the "old flame" produce a child? Are you and your H, in any way, dealing with the problems associated with a child as a result of an affair?

This particular forum "Pregnancy/Child" deals with children or pregnancies as a result of an affair. In order to give your situation the attention it deserves, IF it does NOT have these issues, I'd like to move your post to a more appropriate forum.

Please let me know as soon as possible so, if necessary, I can move your topic to either the "Just Found Out" forum or "General Questions II"

Thank You,
Justuss

<small>[ February 19, 2004, 01:23 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Justuss

Please if you can move it to the Just Found out forum. Sorry for the trouble.
Monet3

No problem monet3.

I have moved your post and leave you in the hands of the wonderful, supportive members of the "Just Found Out" forum. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Best of luck to you!

Well time to get busy with Plan A and meeting each others emotional needs. Have you done the questionnaire here?

Your H's honesty is a great sign. I think you CAN fix this.

monet3,
I know it may not seem like it but based upon what you have posted here I see some positive signs.

Look at it this way. I would have given $100k to have been in your situation. I wish my wife had told me that she had planned a lunch with her long lost friend from work. And that one secret lunch turned into many...that turned in to many secret cell calls....that led to my wife distancing herself from me...that led me to distancing myself from her... a downword spiral that culminated in a year long A that was P at least once and probably more.

Your H has done what very few WS's ever do: give you an indication that something is wrong pior to selfishly running off and having an affair.

Be greatful!! Sit down with him and talk about the marriage. Usr the qusetionaires from this site. Get professional help. Tell him that you want to make it work. Since he has given you this forwarning I'm guessing that he wants to make it work also.

cwmac