wow, I haven't read any of the other posts yet, but I am so shocked that there is a board out there about this. and that there are so many members. you have no idea how alone I've been feeling!

My husband had a four month affair with a woman I thought was my best friend. He even moved in with her for a while (and her husband and daughter, how cosy) on the pretense of saving money on hotel costs when he quit his job to follow her across the country.

He confessed to the affair only after she showed up at our house at midnight. I had suspected that something had happened between them one night and he confessed to that while she was there, when she left he confessed they had had sex that day, in our car.

We're working through this (it's been almost 3 months since that night) and sometimes things are really great, but sometimes things are like tonight, where I feel very disillusioned.

How's that for an intro!!

Oh, the "real mrs smith" log in? they set up email accounts as John and Jan Smith to email each other.

well. I guess I'll give your eyes a break. I look forward to connecting with others on this forum. maybe learning some help in getting over the distruction of what I really felt was the "perfect" marriage.

Mrs. S.

Hi Mrs. Smith,
What an ordeal. There are a few posters whos 'Best Friend' was the OP. I cant imagine how horrible that must be. Have you bought 'the books'? There are quite a few, Surviving an Affair and Not Just Friends seems to be the most recommended.

Read all you can here, and post any questions you like. I'm sorry you are here, but Welcome! Please take care - Dru

Hi Mrs. S,

Welcome to Marriage Builders. It is not a wonderful thing to need to be here, but it is a wonderful thing that this website and this company exist.

Now, questions: how much have you read here? The first thing you and your H (husband) need to do is to read, read, read, everything you can get your hands on about the Marriage Builders program, because IT WORKS!

Has your H sent a n/c (no contact) letter to the OW (other woman)? If not, that should be something he does as soon as possible. He must agree to never have contact with this woman again - contact of any type - for LIFE.

And finally, are you in counseling of any type? Recovery from an affair is extremely difficult and not something you should embark on alone.

You'll find a lot of wonderful information here and many wonderful, helpful, loving people.

Keep posting and we'll try to help you through this.

Hi Sparkle and Dru,
thanks for the welcome!
He hasn't sent her a "no contact letter" he just stopped contacting her. he quit his job and we have left the province that she lives in.

I am a little concerned that she still has feelings for him and wants him to still be "friends".

actually I happened upon a post on a board she frequents that was too similar to her situation with dh that it couldn't have possibly been from anyone else.

In it she wrote that she was hurt that he hadn't contacted her, that she was willing to wait for him and love him unconditionally, that she felt he was being manipulated into believing it was wrong to be with her. this wasn't a board about affairs and it isn't one she would suspect I would even know about, so she was pretty liberal with the details. Should I post on the site and confront her about her misconceptions? particularly about it not being wrong and dh just being with me because I'm a liar and manipulator?

thanks for any advice

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by therealmrs.smith:
<strong> He hasn't sent her a "no contact letter" he just stopped contacting her. he quit his job and we have left the province that she lives in.

I am a little concerned that she still has feelings for him and wants him to still be "friends".

actually I happened upon a post on a board she frequents that was too similar to her situation with dh that it couldn't have possibly been from anyone else.

In it she wrote that she was hurt that he hadn't contacted her, that she was willing to wait for him and love him unconditionally, that she felt he was being manipulated into believing it was wrong to be with her. this wasn't a board about affairs and it isn't one she would suspect I would even know about, so she was pretty liberal with the details.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is exactly why you need to convince your H that he needs the n/c letter. You know what the letter needs to say, right? If not, we'll point you in the right direction. Anyway, the letter clearly spells out that the WS never can contact the OP again and makes it very clear that there is no future for them. This is what your H's OP needs to see.

Is your H reading on the MB site? It would really help to teach him what he needs to accomplish for the future of his marriage and a great, renewed relationship with you. It CAN be done.

Now...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by therealmrs.smith:
<strong> Should I post on the site and confront her about her misconceptions? particularly about it not being wrong and dh just being with me because I'm a liar and manipulator?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't go on the site and post at all. The message that the relationship is over needs to come from your husband. I hope he is committed enough to your marriage to do this for you - for both of you (that's you and him, not you and OW... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) When she sees the letter from him - and not some post from your - she will be more likely to believe it.

Keep your nose clean, at this point. Ask your husband to do what needs to be done.

Good luck, Mrs. S!

Hugs,

Hi Mrs. S-
Sorry you find yourself here- I am new too but glad there is something like this as it is a good support and education too!! I know I need to keep reading as I am not always making the best choices to work through this. My husband still has not admitted anything but I keep trying to get him too- I know I need to just start working to rebuild and we need to start counseling and he will hopefully tell me the whole truth sometime. Sorry- enough about me- thought I would give give you some background where I am now and say welcome and hope this will be helpful to you during this time.
And I do appreciste that you still have your sense of humor through this- with your screen name! That has always been a way I try to work through things too- your explanation of your name made me smile and say - good one- good for you!!!
Take care,
Linda

Alas, Mrs. Smith, I am a BS whose OW was supposedly the "best friend." Unfortunately, my WH is deep in the land of thick fog. He cannot see past his nose. Cannot see the forest through the trees. He is lost to himself.

They cannot be "just friends." You should not contact her, you will get no satisfaction. I'm sure you have a great speech lined up to tell her off, but she is delusioned, and your great speech will be lost on her.

If you have one prepared, post it here. We would all love to read it and give comments. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It is important to keep the sense of humor, as Linda said. You are not alone. Post post, read read. You will do fine. This is a structured program that works, with such caring and giving people. You are in a good place.

I, too, love the name! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Love and hugs, Amy

What else has he done to separate himself from this OW? Moving and changing jobs is a big step!!!

Has he cancelled his email, blocked her email address from any other email he has? Changed numbers, especially cell phone #'s? She may try to contact him, "just to say Hi." Which could get the ball rolling again.

How is he doing in withdrawal? And how is your M?
MC?