Please tell me. I confronted him calmly. About it. He told me that he didn't reply to her. I do not beleive it. I THINK PLAN B should be in action.

Tell us more about it.

It says: "hello my love. I think about you always and all the time. Sweet kisses."

He toldme that she sent another one two days ago before what I found.

I am so hurt right now again. He wants me to hold him, and he was telling me that I have to beleive him that he isn't in contact with her and that she sends him SMS. He has not contacted her.

I don't beleive it. I want to stop Plan A. I want to leave right now! I really do. He gets mad when I said I don't beleive him. He gets really angry. We went out, he wanted to offer me lunch.. but I refused, so... came back home, but he drove angrily. He talks about his job, and how he is doing everything wrong and that noone beleives him when he say something.

I told him that the OW still loves him. I want to take myself out of this mess. I want to withdraw myself from a bad situation. I should have done it a long time ago, but this time really...........................

Tamara SIGNING OUT of Marriage BUILDER!

thanks beleiver and others.... bye guys.

tamara -
Has he written NC letter? It should say that he loves you and wants to work on his marriage. It should ask her to have NC with him, and should tell her that he will let you read anything she sends.

Its doesnt sound like the message is in reference to anything he has said to her, so he may be telling the truth about having no contact.

Has he deleted her number? He should also change his number, so that if you find any messages after that you KNOW he has lied.

I know you feel angry and upset, but please dont give up over one text message which doesnt even give you definite proof.

xxx

I know........... but I just drank so much right now.. that I don't even give a ****! Maybe he is telling the truth!

YOu know what? I have issues.. and I don't want my marriage anymore. I will be better off without my marriage. It's true. I am crying.. I am hurting, but you know what?its ok.

No he didn't send the letter, I didn't think it was necessary..but I ruined it anyways. I"m leaving.. what's the point in working in my marriage!!!!!!!..

It's ok!
Marriage builder will no longer be necessary. Thank you guys. I hope you can understand that I have accepted to not go on. I cannot live with a man that I do not trust.

Gee, I hope it's not morning there. Drinking in the morning is not good.

Tamara, you can get trust again. Of course it isn't there right now. But it can be rebuilt. Your H seems to really love you.

A NC letter is absolutely necessary. How did we let you get by without one? That is the most important part of recovery.

It should be written by H and approved by you. It should stick to the facts - that he is done with OW, loves and wants you, and will be working on his marriage. She is not to contact him ever again for any reason.

Put that bottle down and stick with us. You cannot quit like this. You must do all you can, so you can look back with no regrets.

Harudah,

Stop enabling the A! Your H is angry probably because he sees you hurt and the OW is putting OW pressure on him. Right now he needs you to help him through this. I understand your anger but you are not thinking with a clear head.

I also know how you are feeling because I have also been there done that. Right now for your sake, tell your H you needed to know without finding out on your own. That is how he could have helped you. Reassurance is a big EN for most BS' in recovery.

R U getting this? Now breathe, calm down, rest awhile and when you can let your H know that you really want to believe him, it is hard. He needs you to hold him and you need reassurance. Either you 2 tackle this recovery together or it will not work. Watch his reaction. Then step back and come and vent here. I have to go out for a few hours but will be back to check on you later.

Your hasty decision to leave MB on a vm msg shows you are making an emotional decision instead of a logical one. Something that a WS does more than a BS, do you see where you are going with this?

In reality you need to be here even more.

Sorry for the 2x4 whack. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hugz,
L.

Harudah! What the he** is going on with you right now???

I leave for one night, and everything goes to heck in a handbasket. Stop drinking! You are not going to a good place with it right now.

Is that the entire text message? You might not need MB right now, but I think you need us.

Keep talking to me, girlfriend. Tell me what is going on right now. Post, post, post.

Amy

yeah beleiver.. yeah. I'd like to beleive... but no. I don't want to beleive anymore. I know about the letter, I've stressed about the letter, since I felt like there was no more contact I gave up on it. He doesn't want to do it anyways. My only way is out of this stupid mistake.

I got married at 18 and it was dumb. I am still young and must move on. I love you guys so much for taking care of me all these weeks.... and even gave me so much strenght and hope. When I a back in FL.. I will write to tell you guys how I am doing. I'll be find.

H says I have to get drunk to be nice to him. Yeah I was acting too nice to him after the bottles.. I"m not so drunk! JUST BUZZED... well maybe I am..... I'm not drinking anymore.. but you see I don't want to hurt no more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am putting a stop to my own suffering.. now only if I could order an airplane ticket for myself with him not knowing..this will be perfect.. all I want.. hey beleiver do you have aol?

Yeah, **edit**

This looked like an attempt of OW to keep in contact with him, and cause you problems. Please think about NC letter. If he refuses, well then you have your answer.

How much more school do you have?

Yeah, I have my answer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> thanks beleiver. I think I do have my answer. School will mean nothing right now I have year and half to get my degree.. but you see.. I am failing so much school, that it doesn't even matter. I think the only way for me to be ok is to leave. He won't write to the OW to tell her its over. He thinks everything will just roll OFF! And he won't have to deal with his problem and not having to face her. He won't even write the letter.. what's the point? i don't think I want him to write it.

I added you to my messenger. anyways.. its ok.
Tommorow I will be really out to buy myself a ticket to fly back home. I need to be out of this situation.. maybe I will regret this, but oh well.. as long as I am not hurting.

I have my answer. he won't contact the OW at all he said. So there!

Girlfriend. You are upset, and I'm sure he is upset. You know, deep down, you should not be making hasty decisions when you are upset!

Why don't you go read what you wrote me the other day regarding my question to Believer about if I should get a D. I just re-read it, and it is totally different than what you are now saying.

Have you put the bottles away yet? No more drinking. Is it nightime there? What time is it there right now?

Vent to us. Tell me all about how you are feeling. Why is a strong, independant woman running like a school girl from an opportunity to make an incredible marriage with a man she loves?

You know trust doesn't come back over night. I think Orchid's post to you made so much sense. You two do need to be working together right now, not pulling each other apart.

But I think for now I just want to hear your thoughts. Type at me. You are a very good typer for being intoxicated, by the way. I am very impressed.

So, let me have it. Why are you so intent on running?

Type at me!!!

Don't make me look up where Brussels is on a map and try and figure out how I can get over there.

And don't make me start cyber-slapping you. I had to do that to a lady who was going crazy yesterday. It hurt me more than it hurt her, but it was necessary. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

HUGS! Amy

If he refuses to write NC letter, you are right. You have your answer. I wish you could at least finish this session at school. You have worked so hard.

You're so funny Amy and so sweet. Reality is that, I doubt my marriage will be great. We are two people at different stages in our lives. He is in the stage where he thinks he should be where he wants to be. I am in the stage where I still have hope with my future, where I am still positive about my career and my will.

So... I think I am making a logical decision to leave. Even if it hurts, its the right decision. My marriage was all a false idea because I wanted to built what I never had! I wanted to have a faithful husband unlike my mother, and I wanted to have dinner at 6 o clock and two children with a small dog. This is all bull****. I'm a harsh career woman... and I just have to focus on that one thing that made me happy.

Hey I will be free to date, enjoy my 20's and be happy.

Thanks Orchid, I see what you are talking about sweetie. I know .... I am being emotional and not logical.. but I have yet to know what is the logical side.. or emotional side of me. Maybe it's now that I am being logical rather than rational. I wanted to keep my marriage because I don't beleive in a divorce. I enjoyed my husband company and wanted to make a life with him. he isn't ready, and maybe I am not ready. I'm too young and naive. I have no children... NOTHING to hold me except my heart.

So if I go with my heart.. it is not logical. If I go with the intent to make it by myself and not having to deal with a deppressed husband.

It's funny....he's smiling and talking to me after I've coming down from the alcohol. I am dropping out and taking a ticket home to my mother. he can deal with his **** by himself. I don't have to deal with all this.

College is the key to your own self esteem and independence, emotionally and financially. Is there any way you could do a plan B and be able to stay in college? Make sure you do nothing until you are sober and calm.

Im sorry you are going through this at the moment. Please continue coming here for support, as there is always someone listening.

I was under the impression that being with your H was way better than being with your mother. Are you sure you are not jumping from the frying pan into the fire? Going from bad to worse?

I understand that right now he will not write the NC letter. But have you both been arguing today? Are you both emotional? Or logical? Or rational?

I guess what I ask is that you sleep on your decision, before buying tickets anywhere. Perhaps write him a letter, saying that this is what you are probably going to do, and these are the reasons.

Does he know that his refusal to write NC is a large part of your decision-making process right now? It could be you two have gotten into a type of H-W tug-of-war, and he is refusing to write NC because you want him to, not because he won't.

Give me some more information on what you have told him, and what he has said to you, and if you will write him this letter. If you haven't yet, I feel you should give him the opportunity to know how his decisions are affecting you.

Let me know! Love you! Amy

no... I would have to take my own place.. but that's too costly! No, its ok.. I will just go to summer school .. and go back to my old university. It's ok. Yes college will be my main focus and the builder of my self confidence. I need schooling. I don't think I am going to do Plan B. I do not think my marriage can be saved right now. It's over.

I will stick to my guns this time. I know when stuff goes wrong and I can feel things... yet I continue to do the opposite of what I feel. I will survive. I don't have the idea, if my husband do not love that I will die. I am independent from him, so even when I go back home, i will be fine. Or I think I will be fine, but its ok... "The first cut is the deepest" Cat Stevens.

I have a little bit of money saved which will allowed me to get an apartment in the states, and live for a couple of months. I plan on finding myself a job. I will only live with mom until I find an apartment.

My family is ****ty, that's why I liked his. Anyways sleeping over it won't change my mind. I don't think he knows that if he doesn't write this letter what will happen, but I don't care anymore. He didn't write it and I still loved him and try to work it out with him. SO.. I mean oh well.. I just need to be CAREFREE right now. I am 22 and I'm getting old by force. !!! I want to wear tight jeans and flip my hair and be happy.

I was wrong. I will just admit it to my mother... I WAS WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

What time is it there?

And have you stopped drinking?

Can we at least talk about writing him a letter?

I don't like you making this decision in your state of mind. You would not like me making this decision in your current state of mind.

Let's talk logically.