Okay here is my situation....I have already posted it a million times, but it is always nice to hear from someone new that has been through this already. WH had A, admitted to it after I confronted him with it (after lying for half a day). I kicked him out, then LBed to the max after I realized what I did. I quit LBing he came back in the middle of the night promised to work it out bla, bla bla. No counseling, nothing. He sat around like an elephant with his trunk cut off. So I hadn't found this site yet. Then I just got tired of seeing him like that and we talked about it one night. He said he couldn't stop thinking about OW, that was all he could think about. He went to see the pastor, pastor told him he was here for all the wrong reasons being the house and kids. WH left on 2/8 to live with brother near his mother. Still seeing OW as much as possible. They are a couple now. He is waiting for my SSD case to come through so we can sell the house and me and the kids can find another place to live or refinance the house. He is paying all the bills for now. We have a custody hearing 3/5 for S who is 3 and torn apart from all of this. I am wondering if I even still have any chance at all. He seems perfectly happy with his situation. OW and WH work together. They see as much of each other as possible. She is a factory sl** and is quite nasty. Nothing like me at all. Should I just give up and quit Plan A all together? I really don't think he gives two poops anymore. He just comes and gets S and goes. Plan A is not bothering him because he is not here. Plan B is not going to bother him either because we already really never see each other as it is. Do you think it is over for good? Losing hope here the more I think about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Thanks.

Hello any vetrans out there for new advice please!

Thanks

How has your Plan A been going? What LB's were your worst, and how have you eliminated them?

What are you guessing are his top three ENs and how are you fulfilling those?

It is easy to lose hope...but the statistics show that most A dwindle out when left to their own devices in about 6 months. Of those that continue, only 5% result in M, and of those that M, the odds are not good...

SHMI

1. Sexual fulfillment
2. admiration
3. Recreational companionship

This is what I am guessing they are. WH is not here so I can not fill ENs. I am not LBing anymore. Well I am trying not to. I really screwed up when he left on 2/8 I hadn't gotten SAA or anything and I didn't understand any of it. So I told him when he left he was never coming back ever. That we weren't going to be his fall back family. Well he cried in the driveway and drove away. On the 14th I gave him a letter that said that I was going about this the wrong way and that we were his family and we would always be here for him as long as he left his affair. I told him that we loved him and that we wanted him to be well again That he was welcome to come home anytime he wanted if his affair was over because I had faith in our marriage. He did not say anything to this letter. Then I really screwed up on the 21st I gave him a copy of truehearts letter to WS everywhere. WH read it and put it in S bag, never said anything about it. When he dropped S off I asked him if he wanted to stay for dinner he said no thankyou and left. He will come again on Wed. to drop off S. WH will definitely not have SR with me so the sexual fulfillment is off. He is OW man now, not mine. I couldn't talk him into that if I tried. Besides before he left he was very mean to me and told me that SR sucked with me. I know it was fog talk, but it really hurts. Later that day he said he was sorry and he didn't mean it, but you wonder you know.

I don't see them staying together mostly because of the shift differences. She is on 3rd him on 2nd for now. Going to 1st soon. She has a 4 YO S and we have a 3 YO S. So she is a mom and they hardly see each other. Really don't see it working for them. WH said he won't know until he can get rid of us and get a place of his own. I did find out yesterday though that no one at his work place knows about us or them. So I am spreading the news. I have it all against me though, my mom says I am making myself look like an [censored] by telling everyone. She doesn't understand at all. She says get over him and move on. Easier said than done I guess. Sorry such a long post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Still,

you staticstics gave me some hope. Is it true? I feel hopeless now. But i am still hanging in there. My sister kept telling to kick him out.

NY, are you alright? Nice to see you on board.

Hi Lost

The statistics are good, but don't know if I want to wait 2 years for what is left of him when OW is done. WH will probably just meet someone else. WH kept telling me that it would never work because he knows me and I hold a grudge forever. He even told my mom that.

Ny,

Read SAB's posting about GOD. It is great. I will give everything to GOD to handle.

NY

As odd as this may sound him moving in with OW could be a blessing indisguise.

You see now its not a fantasy but a relationship and it carries all the boring day to day things involved with having a relationship.... you know seeing her in the morning with dragon breath day after day instead of seeing under ideal circumstances.

Stunned Dad

You are too funny! But right. She definitely has to have dragon breath in morning. Amoungst other things. Ewwww! If you saw the two of side by side you would just fall out of your chair. I can hardly believe it myself. She has to put on a mask for him. LOL

HINY -

Hey girl! Thought I would bump this to the top of the board for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BTW, I think my WH's top 3 EN are the same as yours. And I am not allowed to fulfill any of them, either.

Sucks.

Chat at you later. Hugs, Amy

Amy

What do we do if we aren't allowed to fulfill the EN needs? I guess just keep trying right, and take care of me and the kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Yep, and following the no LB's, and working on you, taking care of business without him helping, by giving him his requested space, and preparing yourself for what you need to do and how you need to act when he does ever come around again, scoping out you and your changes. To see if they are for real.

Wow, that was a long first sentence! It is defiately a runaway sentence.

Love and hugs, Amy