If you haven't confronted your WS yet with their A, here's a list of questions you can use to plan and prepare for your discussion. I found it helpful to prepare myself...think about these issues. Most people are calmer when they have a concrete plan.
Remember: when you confront, you MUST not LB. Get a good grip on yourself. Practice your conversation (throw in some crazy answers too so you'll be somewhat prepared). Remember to use "I" statements.
State WHAT you know and how it makes YOU feel. Okay...here's the list...apologies because I cannot remember the source...
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Before confronting your WS, answer these questions: (And get your counsellor to help you!)
1. How will you confront him/her? What will you say?
2. What are your boundaries of acceptable behavior?
3. How can you state those without disrespecting him/her?
4. How long can you be calm, emotionally stable, gentle, and loving with your spouse?
5. How long will you negotiate with your spouse to end the affair?
6. Who are you going to tell? How are you going to tell them?
7. Who is going to give you support? How can you ask for that support?
8. What do you need to do to protect yourself from crazy behavior? (THERE WILL BE CRAZY BEHAVIOR!)
9. What do you need to do to protect your children?
10. What do you need to do to protect your finances? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Regarding question #8, I've included my own list because I think some of you could use some suggestions...here's what I did to keep myself from losing it entirely...
- not have sex until STD testing
- emotionally detach
- develop and maintain true support network
- expand social network with anyone (small contacts)
- keep busy and with people
- work
best of luck to you all...awed
<small>[ February 24, 2004, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: awed18 ]</small>
