I've already posted this once, but am about to bust with noone to talk to.
Where to start?? I do a lot of traveling and recently when away from home went to a bar and had an affair. It was primarily acohol induced STUPIDITY, but never the less, i did it. I don't know her name or anything about her. To make matters worse, it was unprotected. I'm sure she will suspect something if I don't make love to her when I get home, but I am scared of putting her health at risk. I plan to find some way to get tested the day I get home and a subsequent test as recommended by my dr. This pretty much gives it away and I know it will break her heart as we have already been having some problems. I just hope this isn't the straw that breaks the camel's back. We've been married for over 20 years and I haven't cheated on her before now. I've asked the Lord why was I so stupid and how to address this terrible situation?? Matters worse, we have a teenage daughter.

Just looking for some words of hope and plenty of prayer.

Thanks

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ididit
Please pray for me.

ididit,

I will put you in my prayers...but I can do more than that...I can offer you hope. My marriage has survived two such incidents of stupidity by my husband. Our marriage was in trouble...he was away for business...did something stupid. It became a huge wake up call for us. What are you willing to do to protect your marriage from future harm? Are you willing to take a job that will keep you home? Are you willing to be honest to your wife, ask her forgiveness, enter counseling and follow a recovery plan to restore your marriage? That is what it will truly take. Good luck and keep posting. If you don't get many answers, bumping you post to the top so folks will notice it okay? Your remorse gives me an incredible about of hope for your marriage. Don't give up....have courage and face this demon.

Star*fish,

Thanks so much for your encouragement. I've been away for almost two weeks now. Going home tomorrow..takes 16 hours flying time. I really am dreading this. I missed both my W and my daughter so much. I really didn't even have any intention of an encounter. Just a very stupid move on my part to let a couple of hour fling jeprodize over 20 years. I know she loves me because she constantly complains about not having devoted time together. She constantly begs for my time which I now know is a sign that I really need to make a change.

I have been pretty successful, but got laid off in Jan. 2003. Only a few weeks of contract work during the whole year. Yes, I am willing to change jobs and have made a job out of finding a job. This contract is over as of today, so it's back to looking. There's so much going on in our lives, I don't know if we can handle this additional weight. If only I could wake up and it only be a nightmare. A dream like this would wake up any person to reality and encourage them to walk differently.

To make matters worse, I have been sick for the past 3 days. Not sure if it's worry or STD, but I have done more research in the past 3 days than I would do if in medical school. Starting to exhibit the symptoms of every illness I read about. I've tried to work out an explanation to W about why..after being away for 2 weeks that I don't want to make love homecoming night. What to say??? I know it'll be a major storm and probably a directive for me to get out. Then what..no where to go. So far in debt, can't afford to get hotel or apartment and keep W and daughter in the house. Now I understand the term "homewrecker." But, it applies to me not the OW. She was nothing but a face. Don't even know her name.

Sorry about the rambling. I just really need a miracle for this one. I love them both so much. I just can't imagine being away from them more than I am already, much less loosing W alltogether.

Thanks for listening,

id,

Your incident sounds exactly like both of the ones I had to deal with as a wife. I've also been married twenty years....so we are in the same place in our lives. I won't tell you it didn't hurt me....it was devastating....but I love my husband and I now realize that it was pivotal in building the kind of marriage I have now. Marriages survive infidelity every day....what they do not survive is neglect.

sounds familiar...

you have to tell the truth. It came out the my husband had his A with a contract employer, and it was while he was on the road too. The contract is up, but the company wants to re-contract him again and I do not want him to do this. the money is great, but it puts him on the road again, and possibly with this woman again. He says he can stay faithful, but why tempt it?
The most humiliating thing so far has been going to the doc's and getting a full workup for every STD out there. He used protection (he claims)but I do not want to risk anything. Still waiting on results.
But It sounds like you are remorsful and want to keep your marriage intact so you have to be honest.
It will be tough, but I believe if a marriage can survive this it will be stronger.
Just be honest.

Hi ididit

I needed to respond to your post because I have been in your position only my affair lasted a year and my husband did find out about it. Even though my OM and I were both tested for HIV in the beginning of the affair and again a year later I lived in fear that somehow someway I would bring something home to my husband. When I ended the affair I was also retested 6 mos later and everything was fine.. I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief.. I worried and suffered even though he and I had both been tested I still worried..there is a 6 month window between being exposed to the virus and when a test is able to show you have contracted it..so if you get tested when you get home, to be safe 6 mos from now you will have to be retested.. You will need to discuss this with your Dr because there are other STDs to think about as well but this one happens to be fatal for I wanted to concentrate on that for you today...

You must tell your wife of the affair in order to protect her completely.. You realize that dont you?.. Even though you dont want to admit the affair since you were unsafe you have no choice.. For her health and protection you will have to go home and tell her and then to your doctor for his advice from that point.

Believe me I know what you are feeling but I have to tell you that my life now is so much improved and today I am finally on the right track.. my story would take a book to write so I wont go into the details right now..Just suffice to say that my husband forgave me and loves me and we are working hard.. I finally was able to kick my online addiction (which resurfaced and became stronger in the last year) and let go of the OM I recently got involved with from a chat room.. I have been through so much and I regret it all. But thanking God every day that I am on the right track and I can see my way clearly.. Finally the fog has lifted and I feel whole again.

I wish you well and hope you will find the strength to do the right thing for your wife..You must tell her!! There is no other way.. Please let us all know how things are going after you get home.. Stay strong but please do the right thing..There will be pain and anger and she will be devastated.. dont doubt that for a moment, but also there is hope and a new beginning when the truth comes out..There is a good chance she will want to try again with you..If you keep reading here you will find there are many success stories if you do the work required...

Dont lose hope and dont ever blame her for any of this.. I hope you will come back and keep reading and posting. This site has saved my marriage and my sanity..

Wishing you much peace
Lori