I need to make a decision for my own sake. My situation is confusing me more each day. My wife and I separated for 4 weeks now and she does not know what she wants. She wants to feel independent, self worth and wants to see if she can be happy again after about a 2 1/2 year period of ups and downs with us. Our 2 year old child is doing fine and our financial situation has been kept in tact. She has stated that our spark has died and she does not know if it could be brought back. She tells me if we try to work things out and we fail it would hurt twice as bad as it does now. She does say she loves me and cares very much for me. She does not want to hurt me.

She has gone out with someone from work and she has said it was just someone to get out with and have a good, no pressure time. Other co-workers were around after their dinner and they were not alone all night, although a thank you kiss was given. I am very hurt by this. She has since then met him again to tell him they could not go out until she decides what to do with us. I felt better about that, but she still says that if she wants to go out with whom ever, it should be her choice. I can't control what she does and can only have faith. We did decide to leave out any intimacy or sex with others until we are finalized.

Her acceptance to me has improved over the last two weeks. We have gone out on a date and had a good time. She had told me that after that date she felt more like good friends... OUCH. We are seeing each other slowly, but she still insists that she can not give me anything right now. Our counselor says she needs to work on what is going to make her happy and says that I need to deal with the fact that she can not give me an answer now. I am torn in two. I want to give her time and space, but can not keeping giving my emotions to her and watching her go out and say that she can't give me anything back. She has mentioned moving from her parents home to an apartment. I stated that for my own good, we would need a separation agreement at that point and split up the finances. She is hesitant of this (scared or second guessing it... I don't now).

I need advice on what to do. My first impression is to give it a couple more weeks and hope she opens up more. I have changed my attitude, but I am still acting very clingy and often seeking answers from her. I do not want to keep giving my devotion and having little to no response in return. Do I ask for a separation agreement and start my own social life? Do I sit back and let her do what she wants and try not to interfere? I can't stand the fact that she does not know what she wants and has her choice to see other people if she wishes. I am stuck. If we do make things legal, I can keep the house for a period, but may end up selling. Other bills would need to be split and maybe a few things might have to be sold. I say sell it all (it is only material junk). An ultimatum would only force her into a decision that she will hold me responsible for the pressure. Do I take action on my own and draft the papers and hope she maybe sees that I can't go on like this much longer?

Please help.

Start in Plan A. You are still very new to this. There will be lots of ups and downs.

During this time, start working on yourself. That is the only thing that you have the power to change. It is miserable at first, but does get much better. Hang in there.

I have asked my wife to not contact him. She works with him and I understand they need to comunicate, but not in that manner. She is going to think things through and let me know during our counseling session this weekend. I don't want her think I am controlling her, but I can't continue to put out emotions and feelings when she still has the choice of calling and speaking to him about non work related issues. She has told him last week, she needs to think things thru and can't date him, but they still have been speaking.

If she does not comit to not speaking with him outside of work relations, I can't go on trying to work on us. I am being too drained from giving and not having the same put back in it. I hate to give up on us and stop fighting for us, but I do not have the will to do it in this fashion. I made the mistake of looking at her cell phone bill then confronting her about it, but I had to be sure and it turned out she was in more contact with him then she led on.

Is this right what I am doing?