first, thanks for taking your time to help out. I need it so much. My story in a nutshell:

1been married for 7 years very good for 2..started to go bad after the 2 years.

2. i started drifting apart and falling into deep depression. (later we found out just a few weeks ago that it was partly because of hormone imbalance and chemical imbalance). That made me distant and i was not connected emotionally. Of course that lead to our problems. I would be ok one time and next not.

3. She started communicating with a male friend at work more often with marital problems of his own for about 6 months. He started to have feelings for my wife 2 months ago...my wife for him...1 month ago. I just found out this past valentines day.

4. this emotional infidelity hasn't lead to anything other then work. but she says she feels happy with him and made a connection...and thinks she loves him. and she says she is numb with me....and thinks it started when she started to have feelings for him.

5. now, her emotions for me is no where to be seen. its like if she is someone else. she still loves and cares for me but just cant feel anything for me. before the love was so powerful even if i had to smallest discomfort she would want to take it away. if we seperate for a little while our hearts would ache. now with her...nothing. she says she doesn't recognize herself with me. but she does have these feelings like she used to with me with the OM. she did say she wants to have it with me but can't go on with me if she doesn't have this feeling. she keeps saying she doesn't deserve my love and i'm too good for her bla bla...but i know that isn't true.

6. she doesn't blame me for what happened....i don't blame her either because i was sick and it was biologically and physically impossible for me to connect fully as I wanted, we both don't hold anything against that.

7. Right now, i'm getting help for my health. antidepressents, endrocronologist for hormones and therapist for mental and emotional trauma....but i can't help but cry all day long. She knows i will get better and has all the faith that I will. And knows that I will be that person she onced loved. but the problem is that she can't feel it. She can't feel that love. And she doesn't know if she can let go of the OM.

8. the OM is married and has 3 small children. He also has been married for 7 years...but we don't have children...we are still young...I'm 29 and shes 26 been really married for 4 years but been together for 7 but we call it 7 years of marriage because that is what it was for us. the OM's W wants him back...at least that is what my W is telling me. And my W doesn't want to lie to me. She will tell me about things openly...we still have that.

9. I asked if she would want to go to marriage councling. She said no. I asked again, would she go for me, she said yes. I don't get it.

10. She doesn't hate me. She doesn't dislike me. She just doesn't feel for me. She just doesn't know right now. Someone mentioned she is in deep fog. What can I do to be the beacon to let our hearts meet again?

OK we all feel for you and you're among friends here.

(1) Get a grip. You've started 5 different threads in just 2 days! That's not the way to get useful help. Use a single thread and give the full story. Many people with useful experience will respond.

(2) Stop the panic and read the material on this site. All of it!

(3) Don't want to be the one to tell you this but your wife's emotional affair is almost certainly longer lasting and deeper than she has yet admitted. Her statements about not feeling anything for you are classic - don't take them at face value.

(4) The first and most important thing to do is to start applying the Harley principles right now - no love busting and meet as many of your W's emotional needs as she'll let you. It's called Plan A. Read about it on this site.

Almost all affairs die a natural death within a matter of months, especially once exposed. What will come after depends on your actions. Don't be downhearted; you hold all the high cards. Your relationship is long lasting and based on reality. OM has a short history in secrecy and without any of the pressures of real life.

Hang in there. It will be miserable at first. You will probably be suffering terrible pain. We have all gone through that. It is awful, but does pass.

Stick with the MB principles and you will get through this too.