I just want to say thank you. You have all been true friends. Offering great advise and just reading me vent has helped...even though i still can't stop crying and vommiting all over myself (gonna have a huge dry clean bill...hehe). well. the saga continues.
I'm trying to be supportive but i think i'm smuthering...let me know:

I want to talk about our relationship and the Emotional affair my wife is having with her married coworker who has 3 children and been married for 7 years...and when we talk about how she can't feel right now...i just say that that is normal, and we have to let it come natural and let youself do it...i can't do anything...all i can do is be supportive...not of the affair of course but of you...and practice patience and we will work it out. She just replies..."I'm too tired....i'm drained....no energy" just completely withdrawn. This is so not like her..i really can't recognize this person. Have I lost my W? She said the OM feelings for her started about 2 months ago and her feelings started for him 1 month ago thats when her feelings for me started to slip out the door....she said she felt numb. now she doesn't feel anything for me can't feel empathy, compassion, love, nothing. Just feels everything "wonderful" happy...and "just right" with the OM. Why are people so weak and have affairs?

Lost - This may help you.

For those that are interested in Michelle Weiner Davis's divorce busting 180 degree list, here it is:

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You".
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic.
23. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.
t- This may help you.

Thats pretty powerful message. Thanks very much for the input. Really will consider it. I hope i can find strength to do it. I know i will. i have to. before i really lose my sanity. This place is helping me a great deal.

You don't have to start a new thread each time y'know? In fact if you keep to a single thread it's much easier for those who want to help you to follow the story.

Have you now read about ENs, LBs etc. What is your current plan?