WOW I have to say...my heart and mind is clearer. I thought a lot of what I read from the post...you guys are wonderful. I thought a lot about what I read from books....here is my plan. I want to be in charge of my life again. I have suffered since Valentines day and I will no longer suffer!
1. I will take care of myself get sleep, eat well, and get back to normalcy.

2. I will not obsense over my W's emotional affair at work.

3. I will not let my wife walk all over my heart like a door mat.

4. I will do more activities with friends and learn more about myself.

5. I will not accept her the way she is at this state. She can have him and they can have a sh*tty life together that WILL lead to destruction.

6. I will learn to move on with my life without my W if I have to

7. I will not pity myself

8. I will not make contact with other parties involved...whats the point? seems obsesive anyway...I DO NOT WANT THAT ANYMORE!

9. I want to defeat all my demons and move on...if one of my demons is my W then so be it...i will get over it!

10. Take life by the horns (taken by dodge)!

11. Learn to love again with all my heart!

12. She doesn't want my love....well...TOO BAD FOR HER SHE F*CKED IT UP FOR HERSELF.....glad we don't have kids...I THANK GOD FOR THAT!

wish me luck. I will keep posting cause right now...I'm FEELING GOOD.....I don't want to feel down anymore. This support group helps love you guys all!!!!!!

I'm feeling like you are. Although I only found out in July, H has been having an A since last March. So even before I knew the cause, he had pulled away from me, and isolated himself.

For the first couple of months, I was devastated. I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it. But I am getting stronger and stronger. Really I feel it is his loss.

I told him Monday that I will no longer accept our marriage being disrespected. I said I have no control over OW and him. But I do have the choice in whether to stay in a marriage, where he has betrayed his vows, continues to lie, and expects me to wait around. I am filing for divorce. I told him he is free to go with OW and I hope he has a nice life.

after the enlightenment yesterday on the beach my heart feels so much better. Feels like god just came down and touched my heart and eased some of the pain and gave me my life back. I was battle from depression for 5 years cause by a hormone imbalance we both did not know about until couple of months ago so I was an emotional shell most of the 5 years. I understand her emotional needs was not met, but still no excuse for having an emotional affair at work or anywhere. I know she loves me and but she is still numb and confused. I told her last night that I will not take this abuse. I will not live in fear. I thanked her for allowing me to find myself and allowing me to find strength in myself to make a decision. My decision: 2 roads. Road 1: leads to my life without her: Which is fine, I know it will take time to heal but I will love again and I know I can move on even stronger. Road 2: We go "ALL IN" meaning we work it out. GIVE 1000% commitment and give whatever it takes to get our connection back and fulfill our needs and nurish our needs together instead of going somewhere else. Also we have to work on many other issues...like trust but if we are willing to give 1000% then I know we can both do it. We both still love each very much....she just still in this fantasy land with the other married man w/ 3 children. When I told her with confidence I can see that she saw who I was again. That I do not have fears and doubts. That I can concure anything I wish. That made her comfortable and we talked for a while last night and she vented a lot of frustrations on how she became emotionally drained with me at my shell stage. She didn't even feel tired actually...this past week she would always feel withdrawn and too tired to even talk..but last night she did not...she felt she wanted to talk...and even came home faster to talk to me. She also thanked me for giving her 2 weeks...which I think is a good time frame...Im not an expert but I can't live long like this. I will divorce and move on if I choose road 1 or give 1000% and receive 1000% if choosing road 2. Either way...I will find happiness again.

Her behavior is strange however. She still can't feel and is numb. She still can't do things for me....doesn't want to...before it was natural and in loving way. She obviously still harbors feelings for the OM. I don't care right now about doing things for me....i can take care of myself....and when we nurture ourselves first, we will be better suited to nurture eachother and its only a matter of time....but i don't know if 2 weeks will be enough for her to snap out of this state she is in. I will not pressure her but I REALLY can't take it. I know its only a matter of time before this fantasy goes physical. She already had sexual thoughts. Just a matter of time. And I do not think I will be strong enough to allow myself to EVER trust her again if she goes "ALL IN" with the OM both emotional + physical. And I know at that point...if we choose road 2...I WILL never be happy and then whats the point right?

Anyway, sorry its long, but thought you guys would like to know whats going on. I really think I should change my user id too FOUNDSOULinmyHEART

Please write your comments...I cherish them.

Stay in Plan A. Two weeks is not enough time for her to change her feelings. But continue like you are doing. As you get stronger and feeling better about yourself, it will be easier to talk to her.