My WW's long affair was blown open last week by an anonymous (kind of creepy) letter to OP's wife and to me. It said our spouses were having an affair and we should call each other to verify.

The letter is behind the times, for me anyway. Our D Day was Dec 19, but I don't think OP's wife knows anything yet. OP is not the type to tell her, IMO.

My wife, who is doing all the right things to stay on the road to recovery and reconciliation, wants to do the right thing by her, too. But what would that be?

If OP's wife did not know, she is probably now starting to go through the same hell I went through for two months before D Day. If she does already know she may want to get information, just like I wanted to have so much at first.

What if she wants details to confront/verify lying H stories? What if she wants to talk to my wife? She said she will if asked, but she is not looking forward to it. Should I initiate contact or just wait and see? I do not know her, neither does my wife - never met her. But I hate to think of her going through that same hell and afraid to call for the truth or even support of some kind.

<small>[ February 29, 2004, 03:32 PM: Message edited by: Thos ]</small>

Thos,

This is an interesting question. I would suggest that the OP's wife deserves to have answers, and deserves to have some way to corroborate evidence. I'd suggest that you might want to contact her with your wife at your side. Ask her if she received the letter and let her know that you two are working on your marriage.

I would also suggest that your wife, if she is able to do so sincerely, write OP's wife a letter of apology and send it.

Any questions or concerns OP's wife has should be addressed to both of you in writing or via e-mail, and you should answer them together.

At some point, you may agree that you need to end the contact with OP's wife because it's causing too much pain, but I'd suggest giving it at least a couple of months before you do that. (Barring really nutty stuff, of course.)

I think its great and you should be commended for even wanting to help out the OM wife, when you yourself are so new to dealing with your own pain and problems. Good For YOU!

Since it is almost a certainty that the OM will lie and lie to his wife, do you want her to Know more of the truth right now? Or do you wait for time to go by until she contacts either you or more likely your wife? Tough call.

Any ideas on who/where these letters came from? (just wondering)

Neither I nor my wife know who would send such a letter. Not very many people on our end know much. And those that do know we are trying to work things out.

Most everyone we have asked thinks it is someone on OP's end or someone they both know at work. A vindictive affair partner he cooled it with after I found out and my wife ended it? Someone among their friends or family who suspected and took a stab at it? Even him as a way to reveal it?

OP's wife did call me. Scumbag had not told her anything. She confronted him after receiving her copy of the letter. She asked me some questions, not a lot. I answered with no sugar coating. She has hope and wants to work on their marriage. I told her about this site and other references.

He told her he blamed the affair on my wife. She pursued him relentlessly. Yeah, right. He's a known player. I hope she finally puts him on a real short leash.