Tuesday night was not a good for the three of here, H, D and me. <P>My daughter's mood has not been good. Seems ever since I came home from trip a couple of months ago she has been worse in her attitude. I sat her down for a talk about it and H can home and dived right in on conversation. He always is there for negative input. Seems all he does and is worse when it comes to my daughter. Rarely is he giving her anything positive in the way of support, love, affection, etc. <P>Anyway, she tried to explain to H about her feelings and I never show him up in front of her or disagree with him in front of her. He gets extrememly difficult to deal with when this has occurred in the past. Mind you I have never degraded this man or tried to embarrass him in front of her. Just defend her right to express respectfully and in some cases she WAS RIGHT in stating her views.<P>This time it was in reguards to his behavior,<BR>which has not been wonderful to be around. And when his D comes for Christmas visit he treats her wonderfully, with lots of love, affection, is patient with her, even when she talks back to him and is awful to him. He never treats D like this, much less me. It's as if we just exits around him and when other D is here he brightens up and is full of all those wonderful emotions that are otherwise absent when she leaves. Then we get all the negativity and ignored.<P>And, Sorry so long, in light of what has happened with H's infidelity. I couldn't stand by silently any more. All I did was say, when D expressed her feelings, was that she is stating the same that I have said before about the other D's visits.<P>He Blew up! I mean he didn't just get aggitated, he sent D out of the room and BLEW UP! Pointed his finger at me and said I will NEVER DO THAT TO HIM AGAIN!! I WILL NOT treat him this way. THAT did it.<P>Then he is yellng at D for some trivial matter concerning a door. In short just plain being an @SS. I tried to talk with him, calmly(mind you I'm gritting my teeth) and while he is sitting in a chair, kicks at me and says to leave the room. I'm thinking this nut is going too fair. I got D and we left. I didn't know where I was going and intended to get a motel room for the night.<BR>We left in a hurry because when he realised I was leaving he tried to stop me but Me and D<BR>were too fast and in the car before he came outside. Don't know what he said, didn't care. Just drove off. <P>I hated this and what I was putting my D through. But I could not leave her there alone with him when he was acting like this.<BR>My D said we would be better on our own without him. She said he will never change.<BR>My D said HE should leave. But I told her he won't. Which I tried that before when we fought. He would not leave. I told her he says he dosen't want to end the marriage. Then D said, "Then you will have to test him to see if he really means it." Meaning, let him know WE are tired of all this and won't take it anymore. And Lord knows, his infidelity which D knows nothing about, is too much to take along with all the other things we have had to endure for the last seven years. <P>So,after staying gone for about three hours we went back. She wanted to go home and sleep in her own bed. It was very late and he was still awake. D went to bed and H wanted to talk with me. Looked like he had been crying.<BR>I told him I didn't want to come back and only did because D wanted to come home and she needed to finish her school work to hand in the next day. <P>We talked but things didn't turn out good. However he and I didn't get loud, but he went to bed mad and I couldn't sleep. It was 5:00a.m. before I laid down. At 9:OOa.m. we both got up and I told him I couldn't live like this anymore. And I was not going to stand by and watch my D take anymore of his negative behavior and outbursts. It was destroying her inside. And this had been my fault because we were being patient all this time for his sake and where did it get us.<BR>Nothing but hurt over and over again. <P>I said I loved him, but I could no longer live with him and suject D to this anymore.<BR>I couldn't stay to finish conversation because I had to help my Mom with Brother's B-Day party, and be cheery so they didn't suspect anything wrong. Hard to do. But I did it.<P>When I came home. He was painting. Painting the door frames in kitchen. Trying to make the house look better. OKay..........<P>He told me he is going to put more of an effort to be what he should be to me and this family. Asked for another chance. Mind you<BR>I'm tired, sick of all this and have heard this before, so has my D. She says she has given up on him being a Dad to her. I told him this. He said he is going to work on this relationship with her and be a better Dad to her and a better husband for me. Right, I've heard this before too. <P>I told him just please do us all a favor and leave because he doesn't seem to really care for either of us and I can not keep getting my hopes up nor can I keep putting my D through this anymore. We need to find a life filled with love not what this has been. <P>He begged and pleaded and promised to do it right this time. And after much talking, I decided this is his last chance. He talked to D who is now down with cold and fever. And we are going to try again. But this time he is going to have to put efforts into it more than ever. We, me and D have shown him time and time again our love. Now it is time for him to S*#T or get off the pot so to speak. <P>I told H how vunerable I am right now and if another man came along(Who was avaliable) and showed to love, affection and caring that we so desperately need, we would be gone in a New York minute. Because this is Not nor has been a life for either of us. And I mean that. He has much to prove and it is time he did it if he WANTS us and this marriage. I cannot do it all.

Devestated2- I would strongly suggest that this be conditional on you both with your D attending some counselling sessions, tell him not only do the two of you need it but your D needs help in dealing with the conflict in the family in a healthy way. <BR>I would stress this, the family should make this committment to each other and should be willing to put each other first and this would be proof that he really is putting forth the effort needed. It sounds as though he's depressed. I should know, I've been there and when your depressed you really have a problem when dealing with those you love most...for the others that you need to put on a show for you can but you want only the best behaviour and support from those closest to you. I would strongly urge you all to get couselling and support each other. I pray for you, God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

Bren's got a great idea. I am so sorry that you're having to go through all of this. I like the sound of your resolve, though. W/out lbing, stick to it. <P>Wishing you all peace and sending prayers and good thoughts your way.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{D2}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori

Thanks guys for you support. I cannot tell family what is going on because they would naturally take my side and it would only make things more difficult.<P>counseling is NEEDED here. And after the holidays are over he will either agree or leave. He doesn't so much display depression as he blocks out what he doesn't want to deal with. Unfortunately, that is anything from his past to the present. He has a real problem showing me and D love and affection on a consistant basis, but has no problem showing his daughter all this. <P>Of course she doesn't live with us, and perhaps if she did, she too would eventually get ignored like we are. But it hurts to see all this displayed in front of you when there is so much hurt and you makes one feel like they just are not special enough.<P>I'm fighthing for my D and myself from now on. I do love this man but I cannot tolerate what I have for so long for his sake. I am firm when I say these things to him. And I don't want to feel that everytime I let my guard down I will be walked on. <P>Hope you all have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. This is tough to say the least on all of us. But we have to keep praying, keep venting when needed and not forget that we deserve to be happy too.

devastated,<P>Praying for you and your D. I do hope that your H will do more than just TALK this time. I agree with the others that the counsleing is in order.<P>Candle going for you tonight!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hugs & prayers to you. I hope that everything will work out for you & your family.

I'm hangin in for now. H is trying to keep in mind what his roll is. I am beginning to learn something. For some reason, it seems, if I keep him guessing he shows more interest. In other words, If I'm not such an open book and he gets curious and shows more interest. So, I tell him I love him, am kind and sweet, but let him know what I am looking for as far a love and all. Also, he already knows I am tired of waiting for this. <P>Maybe he is realizing that if he doesn't work on himself to improve I WILL be gone for good. If this is what it takes to wake him up, great. I am just sick .................<BR>and tired of holding this all together and getting nothing in return. I'm NOT THAT old and still have a lot to give. And I want to share all this with someone who appreciates that and me. As I would them in return. Didn't think that was asking too much. H is doing a lot of thinking and lately reading, the books on relationships and how to improve them. Major step for him. <P>We and I will see if he keeps this up. And isn't just doing it to pacify until I relax and forget. But not this time. Life begins at forty, O Kay, Either he is in this marriage with me or I start beginning a new life without him. Don't get me wrong, in the meantime, I am nice and doing my best to look like a knock out. <P>Plan on looking like (as close as I can get without breast implants) a Porn Queen knockout on our wedding anniversary night. <BR>Bought some very sexy stuff from Victoria's Secret. D will be spending the night at a girlfriends house and this man has no idea what he is in for.