Medic,
You have a good support system around you that you can tap into. It doesn't sound that your WW has that, this will be an advantage to you.

I'm off to start another VERY long week. I'm still in NUMB land. WH hasn't called, and I don't care. I'm actually glad he hasn't called because I'm tapped out right now and would DEFINATLY not plan A.

If the rest of the world could just STOP long enough for us to figure out stuff in our head, maybe we'd fair better.

Take care of the little ones, I'm praying for you.

Called the WS today so I could talk to the kids. She told me that"they" wanted to go to the sitters so she took them. That really ticked me off, but I stayed Plan A, just asked how they were and that I would call this evening. Called tonight and everybody was nice including WS. Kids were asking when they got to come back home again. That makes me feel good when nothing else does. I also talked to the counsellor today regarding the topic of last Sunday night. All in all she is telling me to letWS know that I will accept nothing less than total commitment and honesty from her. She also mentioned in a roundabout way that she agreed with me on the theory I have about WS severe depression problem. She asked me after I told her about Sunday if I thought there was any hope for reconciliation. I told her that I was trying but I wasnt really getting that from WS. I said that she told me she wanted to but acte differently. I mentioned that I had no way of knowing what WS told her and I knew that she couldnt tell me.. Her response was that she could tell me that it would be unethical for her to continue counselling a couple if she knew that one of them had no desire or plan to try and reconcile.
Maybe all is not lost. Im sure I have you all thoroughly confused so I will end this post and explain later if need be.

All is not lost for you. Your WW is in a bad place without the A being thrown into the mix.

You sound better today. I'll keep you in my prayers, as for me, I'm on day 2 of uncontrollable tears.

Nothing seems to get better.

You are on the other, stay your steady course.

It's good you have a joint counselor. Even if she can't tell you anything, she told you a lot.

hang in there medic.

Im sorry to hear that things are no better for you today. I hope tomorrow comes up brighter. I feel a little better after talking to the counsellor, my kids were both in good moods and wanted to talk to me. Little one hit me with the Love You Forever bit again tonight. My 4 yr old has done it from the start but the 3 yr old just started it. I dont know how things are going to go after the session on Weds. We'll see.

Well going to the counselor tomorrow.

Have been advised by the counselor and a pastor to lay it all out in a way she will understand yet wont just automatically tick her off.
Am going to explain to her what she does that makes me feel unsafe or whatever the term is in our relationship. Am also instructed to let her know that I require total honesty and loyalty if she is sincere about reconciling. Been thinkin for two weeks how Im gonna say this right way. I think I have it figured out but I'll probably choke tomorrow. Wish me luck and pray for me please.

Went to counselling yesterday. Got my piece said right off the bat. WS got mad and it was on. Cousellor talked us...her mostly, for awhile and then somehow an argument broke out. Went on for ten minutes. It was controlled none yelled but it was intense. Before the day was over my wife had appointment for next week by herself to discuss her problems( not just the ones she has with me) and clinical depression. I had a hard time looking at it as a positive experience, but the counsellor seems to think that her getting angry and and irrational was good. I hope shes right. Maybe it was more of a step fprward than I think.

You must feel a sense of relief being able to really VENT your frustration with the situation in a controlled environment.

You WW was forced to hear things she probably was denying herself.

The fact she is continuing to get help, for HERSELF, shows a true sign of effort. OF course she'll slide down the slippery slope between now and then, but it's one step at a time.

I'll keep praying for you Medic.

Hang in there, you're doing great.

I do not want to justify your wife's actions, but has she been open with you about what promoted her actions? Do you know about any emotional baggage she may be carrying from her past? Do not be so severe with her and allow her to deal with her issues. You may have a lot of frustration and pinned up anger, but do not let that cloud your logic.

Hi Jersey, I hope things are going better for you. The last post I saw from you wasnt very encouraging. I prayed and am praying for you too. Let me know.

Shame,

My WW has alot things in her past that she has not been open with me about. There have been little hints and off remarks, but no details. I hope for her sake and our kids that she can get straightened out. Wether we stay together or not she needs that or she will never be happy. Part of the reason Im not running away from her and this situation is because I know she needs help and has for as long as I've known her. She just covered it up well in the beginning. Dont get me wrong, I love and care about her and would love to have my family back, but that wont happen until she gets herself sorted out. It may never happen, I dont know yet.

Found out from a good source this evening that I am going to have my work cut out for me as far as my wife changing her ideas. She is so messed up and distorted, I already knew that my work was cut out for me. I just hope that the prayers and people out there will soften her up and that she will get right with God and herself.

This is a long process and won't be solved overnight. Hang in there. It seems to me that you have a great attitude. We are all on your side.

My attitude just seems great, I'm ridin the ol rollercoaster every day. I always was one to try and keep a stiff upper lip. That at times is a facade of great proportions. On a different subject, I watched Second Hand Lions tonight. Very good movie, I highly recommend it.

You finally came up with a GREAT quote.
stiffen that upper lip. you're an inspiration to us all. maybe your strength can rub off.

Got a daily devotional from prayermanager live today that applies to all of us, but it really hit home concerning my WS. I want to send it to her but I dont think it would do anything but push her away more right now. Go to www.liveprayer.com. Its the devotional for today March 20th Bill keller is the one that wrote it.

Today is Sunday, your worst day. Be especially strong today. Give thanks for your beautiful children, and pray for your wife's recovery.

Betrayed - That is a good idea. Several months ago I started thinking of all of the things I was thankful for. It helps, because even in this mess, I have many blessings.

In the midst of going through this, it feels like you have lost everything. So it is nice to remember the blessings you still have.

betrayed...I think it's something we all go through. So much of who we are is wrapped up into our spouse. That's not wrong, that's what marriage is, partners, two become one.

After something like this happens, you all of a sudden have this huge chunk of yourself missing.

I'm starting to think there's a recovery program outside of marriage recovery.

I don't think BS have a guide of what they will experience.

It's almost like a 12 step program.

In Medic's case, it has to be more difficult because he DOES have 2 small children. His strength through this must be incredible. Any support I can offer, if only in prayers, can only help.

We're here for you Medic.

Thank you all. Im sitting here, kids are marinating in the tub, getting ready for church, and I'm already dreading taking them to their mom. That in and of itself is kinda selfish on my part, simply because they want to see her. They should, and I shouldnt feel quite so strongly about it I guess. It's just my feelings about the whole situation coming through. The prayers are definately welcome and I do thank God daily for the blessings that I have. I recently added you all to that list. The girls and I talked a very long time on the phone to WS last night. We had a quite a talk on the things that needed to change on both sides and I still dont think I got through much. She started making reference to my phsyc degree alot. I dont have one I've just been reading alot. It just tells me that shes struggling with the whole issues and depression idea that I have put forth and now the counsellor has done so. I hope she goes through with it and gets herself some help. Please pray for her too.

Well I blew plan a today.My wife worked thur-sat, then after she and I and the kids talked last night, she took off to visit a friends 3-4 hours away. I had no idea she was doing this until this afternoon. I found out because I tried to be a nice guy. The kids were in such a good mood today I thought I would take them to their mom early so she could enjoy it. She wasnt home from her little excursion yet. Pissed me off. When I dropped the kids off I tried to explain to her how that was really not the way to deflect paranoia and suspicion. She basically told me if she wanted to drop off the face of the earth it was none of my business and that I needed to back off. Pissed me off again. I figure as long as we're married its just respect to let your spouse know what your doing and where you're doing it. She told me I was domineering and controlling. She definately has an all or nothing attitude about things. I told her she was inconsiderate and irresponsible. Told her I was tired of her secret 2nd life and that marriages didnt work that way. LBed like crazy. I called to apologize later, no I still think I'm right but I'm trying to get Plan A back on track. Little one patted her hand tonight and told her she just needed to tell Daddy she loved him and come back home. She did this after I left. I'm getting blamed for feeding my kids things to tell their mother now. NOt true, but shes so messed up she cant believe her daughters would want that and say it all by themselves. I'm on the verge of telling her to shove it and go fight for my kids.

Just keep on keeping on. Everyone slips from time to time. I think you are doing well so far.

It is a shame that she thinks you are feeding your daughters stuff about her. Hopefully she will wake up out of the fog soon.