After I've read thousands and thousands of post.. and keep daily track of numerous.... I've come to one conclusion.. MEN WERE NOT MADE TO BE MONOGAMOUS! And I read one post stated that "ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER".. I am beginning to think its true. I doubt I will ever trust my husband ever again... nor will I ever beleive anything he says or does.

I am just enjoying his companionship right now until I pack my bags and leave. Noone in his family knows about the disaster so he doesn't really know the consequences of having an A except taht his wife is hurt and is leaving his sorry [censored] sooner or later. His mom is making all kinds of excuses to why we can't go see them.. ect.. I let her do what she has to do to protect her son. I hope they all have a happy life together. Yes, i am somewhat giving up.

It's nothing he has done that make me come to these conclusion.. but after all I read here.. it seems like Most CHEATERS go back to being cheaters and they are never really sorry.

Don't be afraid to tell me otherwise.. because I would like to think there are people that are faithful to their spouses..

After I've read thousands and thousands of post
And all of them relate directly to infidelity.

Ya' know, every single picture I see of the ocean has water in it. I'm beginning to think the ocean is wet! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Don't be afraid to tell me otherwise.. because I would like to think there are people that are faithful to their spouses
I was.

It's not just the threads... of course if I am here I see lots of this, but I never expected to be so common.. I thought it was only in my family. My mom been through this.. well my dad is no longer unfaithful to her... I don't know. maybe he got older and more mature.. but I doubt if he had the opportunity to cheat on her.. he WOULD! And my aunt and her h.. same thing.

Should we just say "Ok, its ok to be unfaithful... or maybe now before getting married.. we should all say we'd just be roomates and occasional bed partners.. and share some intimacy, but we will continue to see other people." UHMM that's an idea.. that way noone gets hurt. We would know what to expect from our partners. And if one do not agree its a clear indication that the two shouldn't be married.

Anywayssssssssssss....... tired...


Mode:Singing: Tina Turner: When the Heartache is over!

I could say the same thing about women, based on my current situation with my W. Her current support group (mostly divorced women who seem happier being the OW - and from what I 've been told by my wife, most are currently the OW with no shame) seems to show that women cannot be monogamous either.
In my mind this is a human issue. It's about people who do not care about committment, social norms, boundaries, respect (self and otherwise) and who are only concerned with gratifying their own immediate needs.
Animals who are on the lower part of the evolutionary scale exhibit this kind of behavior. They also lick their own *ss, eat their young and die horrible deaths as food for larger animals.

Ack! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Does that mean women cant be monogamous as well? All women who cheat will do it again?

I dont agree with what your saying, because there are many women here that are cheaters.

How about people cant be monogamous and cheaters continue to cheat <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I too enjoy my cheating wife's(WOMAN not a MAN)company for the time being. I think she is making an effort to improve herself, so i will stay.

If she cheats again im gone, but before i go im going to go do her sister and if her mom was a bit younger i would do her too.

OK OK~ I started a bad thread! lol.. Cheating men and women.. there more WOMEN crying about cheating MEN! Not that I am saying that women do not cheat.. that would be a lie to myself..

ANyways After what you guys wrote.. I just couldn't help but to Laugh Out Loud because its just FUNNY AS HELL!

Thanks for the laugh~

It made me laugh as well - don't ever loose your sense of humor. Some days it's all we have to keep from going nuts!

Bog - You're being bad today. But that was funny.

based upon some of Bog's other posts in several threads I'm not sure he's kidding!!!

Bog?


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> cwmac

LOL!
Bog Means it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

But if you think of all of us BS, we believe in monogamous relationships. ??? If that weren't so, this message board wouldn't exist??? We are all hurt and shocked in so many ways from an A. And most of us never dreamed of having an affair. So to say that is pretty unfair. But I understand where you are coming from. You live your life thinking that this only happens to other people and then find out that you are the statistic on the Dr. Phil show. My sister and my brother had A. I was very upset at them both. But as far as my sisters case, they were roomates and waiting to get the $$$ for the divorce.

So for every unfaithful person there is a faithful one too!

Ali!

I disagree on the monogamy theory. I know many men, myself included who are and have been manogamous. The problem some of us have had are the cheating women in our lives. Faithfulness is a choice, everyone is tempted to some degree, whether you act on it is entirely up to you.

I have to tell you that my dear H has always been monogamous. It was me who made the mess. I betrayed him once when we were dating, then once early in our marriage. He forgave me, but I fell again into sin. The first time I hurt him, I thought it did not count because we were not committed, but now I understand that it was still hurtful to him. I have been in therapy after the most recent situation and I understand that my problems are due to what I had to live as a child and adolescence. I did not have good role models at home. The saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is to harsh. I know I have learned a lot from my mistake. I will soon lose my dear H and I hope the best for him because he deserves better.

that's good shame.. I'm glad you understand yourself and the hurt you have inflicted on your love ones..... That is really a good step. It's again.. the same story I hear.. "he cheated, then he is going to cheat again.." I am convinced that if I stay, I will again subject myself to more painful things. My H will cheat again despite of what he says he does..... not much encouragement... here
I wish you the best Shame..

Harudah

Dr. Harley does feel that men are more likely to stray again even when their needs are met. Women are least likely.

Yes men are wired differently in most cases.

But I don't think you can lump all men together. There are some men that the salt of the earth just as there are some women are fires from h#ll.

Just because men are more likely to be the fire than the salt doesn't mean you should judge all men.

So you all think that a WS might be tempted to cheat again? I know I am not giving my H. anything. I cannot give to him. I am in the middle of making choices whether to stay or to go.
So his needs are not being met, so there is a good chance he might stray again??? How many of you believe that statment?? Polls here please. Good idea, Think I will start a new post.
To me, that sounds like a dog doing his rounds to get attention.

Ali
My trust level is really at -120 with him!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ali88:
<strong> LOL!
My sister and my brother had A. I was very upset at them both.
Ali! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would be more than a bit upset, I'd be sickened and probably puke if my sister and my brother had an affair. Yuck.

I know what you meant . . . I'm just bored.

<small>[ March 19, 2004, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: Comfortably Numb ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yeah I know. Billy Bob and Daisy Mae couldn't keep their hands off each other, and Pa, my Uncle informed me that I am going to be an Aunt!

Later, ya'll

Ali <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

harudah -

How are things going? Did he write NC letter? Does he seem to be sorry for hurting you, or just sorry he got caught?

Harudah -

Where are you girl? I've been drinking beer all day ever since church. Now I feel like singing. This song is probably too old for you, it's by Bonnie Raitt.

I've had bad dreams too many times
To think that they don't mean much anymore
And fine times have gone and left my sad home
And the friends who once cared just walk out my door

But love has no pride when I call out your name
And love has no pride when there's no one to blame
But I'd give anything to see you again

I've been alone too many nights
To think that you could come back again
I've heard you talk
She's crazy to stay
But this love hurt's me so
I don't care what you say

But love has no pride when I call out your name
And love has no pride when there's no one to blame
But I'd give anything to see you again

If I could buy your love
Then I'd surely try my friend
And if I could pray
My prayers would never end
But if you want me to beg
I'll fall down on my knees
And ask you to come back
I'd be pleading for you to come back
I'd beg for you to come back to me

Love has no pride when I call out your name
And love has no pride when there's no one but myself to blame
But I'd give anything to see you again
Yes I'd give anything to see you again

uhmmm... NC letter was written, sent... the OW has called 14 times on his cell phone that same week that I was saying that I was not going to force an NC letter, but he found out the OW was using him.. oh well.. whatever.. I didn't feel like the NC letter was made specially for me. He just took upon himself to cut complete contact with her because of who she is. I guess that's why don't feel complete. We went to Amsterdam as planned, we had a good time.. but the next day we started to fight again... then I decided to cut the silence treatment and tried not to LB'd.

I talked about his self confidence.. how bad it was. We went Shopping.. we chose all new hip YOUNG people clothes... fad yellowish jeans, all the shirts that I chose .. he tried them on.. I tell you he is one stubborn man.. his mother was shocked to see him change.. As we went to dinner on saturday for his brother's birthday party..for the first time.. my husband was not ashame to ask me to dance. He NEVER DANCED in public.. always at home.. we just dance at home.. I'm serious! We danced the WHOLE night.. we were soaking wet.. then we were so tired when we got home.. we just CRASHED!

We had a great time...so great.. He is becoming more the husband I wanted for a long time. The kind of guy who's not afraid to dance.. scream.. bump and grind on the floor if he had to. We even went inside a coffee shop in Amsterdam <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> if you know what I mean..

I am still leaving because I want to continue my school in the States, and he might follow depending on how things are going. He is still on medical leave from work. I haven't made up my mind yet whether or not I want to stay in my marriage. Things are looking more staying than leaving him.

About the NC..letter: I still think its a total joke.. many has sent it and it didn't do anything. It's up to the WS to end completely the affair or NC letter can easily be said.. "oh I think I made a mistake by sending that." Thankfully the OW was a big whore .. and he knows it now. I finally told my best friend from FL and she wants me to come home URGENTLY cuz my h was feeling so much guilt over what was going on.. he contacted her HIMSELF! So I had to explain to her what was going on.. she told me "come home, we get an apartment, we can live together. I miss you and I love you." Thing is that my best friend is bi and my H do not trust me living with her HA HA HA OOOPS like the tables have turned.

My hair is completely WHITE now.. I feel like we both changed ourselves...I have new clothes too.. I look more like when I was 16 except more daring. Anyways my mind is becoming more stable and the medications help me sleep at night and let me be more peaceful with myself.

So that's what's going. There has been no contact since Feb 25.. and the reason there was is because the whore told him that I was sending her msgs....but he came home to me.. she thought he would pack and tell her to come so he could do her inside his car.. cuz his mama wouldn't let him come home unless he lied and said I kicked him out lol..

Well... Beleiver, no more beers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'll send you some Mary Jane.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ March 21, 2004, 04:30 PM: Message edited by: Harudah ]</small>