I am not sure where to turn right now. I am living away from family and friends as my husband is in the military. Anyway, I found out last week that he has been posting online as "married but looking" and wanting "intimate enounters." I came across this on the computer, by chance, and my heart just sank. He says nothing has happened and that he is sorry. He says he will go to counseling and I think that we will be able to make things right with us. My problem is the day to day stuff right now. I don't trust him. I find myself questioning his intentions, sometimes just in my head. But I end up feeling bad about it. I have looked on his computer for evidence that he is lying to me. I haven't found anything and think I am no better than he is. I am snooping around and feeling guilty about it. It is like one part of me needs to look but the other part is saying no, that is not trust. How do I get back there? how do I trust him again? I just feel like if I can't do that, then there is nothing left for us.

Any advice? just to get through the days?

thx.

I know exactly how you are feeling. I'm going through a very similar situation. My fiance is in the military and is also "looking" for something. I also find myself snooping through internet sites and on his computer, in fact that's how i found out. I would really like to give you something you could use but all I seem to have is a similar situation and probably the same questions. So I hope you can at least take a little comfort in knowing that someone understands what you're feeling. Again, I'm truely sorry I couldn't be of more help.

Tornupart -

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be under to circumstances. Don't feel bad about checking up on him. He has proven to be untrustworthy. He needs to earn your trust back and that won't happen overnight.

Read all about Plan A here. That is the starting point. Also check out the emotional needs questionnaire. Be sure you are meeting his top ones.

Stick with us and keep reading and posting. It is miserable when you first find out, but things will get better.