I read in your reply to sleepless in STL, that your feeling down. I know you may feel as though there's not much to celebrate about. But try not to focus on the negatives and count your blessings!! This is hard to but believe me I know!! It's just that this week I've been to so many "attemt suicide calls" (I'm an officer), that it's ridiculous. I just think the holidays is a season where a lot of broken hearts like ours have started to lose a sense of hope. Please stay encouraged!! You are in my prayers. <P>Hugs and Kisses to you!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."

Jaime-Lee -- Thanks, but it's really hard. W turned in her application for the apartment today. I asked her just a few minutes ago if she was sure it was what she wanted to do. She said she was going to move, but wasn't sure that it was what she wanted. I asked what feelings she had that kept her from feeling positive. She said sadness and regret. I just asked her not to sign a lease until she was sure it was the right thing to do. I know in my heart she will anyway. I haven't been wrong yet in what I've thought she will do.<P>It's just the wrong time of year for all of this to go wrong. You saw how many important dates occur in the next two to three weeks. <P>Unfortunately, my "blessings" are numerous, but as of now, don't include anything about W, except that as the song goes "I wouldn't have missed it for the world".<P>I feel lost right now. I know that things will get better for me in time. It's just that all I have right now is the present, and it's pretty shi**y.<P>I still love her and if there was anything I could do, realistically, to save our marriage, I would.<P>Your hugs and kisses are sure welcome and I send some right back to you.<P>--DeWayne--

DeWayne,<P>Hang in there man!! We're all here for you.<BR>Just try to keep yourself busy with anything.<BR>I'm glad I my situation settled instead of trying to fake my way through the holidays.<P>Things will get better.<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger<BR>

RWD(Bob) -- I never realize until a week or two ago how similar our situations were.<P>I'm going crazy. W is so affectionate tonight. Still leaving, but affectionate. I've had too much wine, I'm back in the depths of depression.<P>I can't figure out why she's leaving if she's not sure it's what she wants. I've wimped out again and asked her to make sure she's doing the right thing before leaving. Even offered to leave for a few days. She doesn't want that.<P>I know you are all here for me and I appreciate it. Wish I could actually see and visit with you. Would make things easier. Also wish Saturday wasn't Christmas day....<P>I know things will get better, I just have to survive the next few weeks....<P>--DeWayne--

Even if she signs the lease it doesn't mean its over. MY husband wanted our seperation, so I moved. I fought and fought for a long time and made it worse. He gave me mixed signals all the time. Being affectionate here and then becoming so distant. Now that I moved, our communication is actually getting....well, there getting Granted he still confuses the He!! out of me with statements like "It's hard for me to do what I'm about to do (meaning file for divorce) or when he says "you just don't realize, I do love you and you are the most important person to me." Is he confused or what? (So am I) But maybe, your wife is confused too. Allow her time to miss you And when and if she moves, maybe this will allow the both of you realize what you really want. Hopefully her heart will draw closer to you and your love will stand this test. <P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."

DeWayne, <BR>Our situations are very similar. At least you get some affection. There was a couple times over the summer prior to her leaving when we were working on or marriage. And then there was that one week when we or should I say she tried to reconcile( I tried for a month.)<P>I don't know what to tell you DeWayne.<BR>I think you are right to try and get her to stay but she is making it very difficult for you. But if she leaves you and I both know that om will be right there with her in a few days or less.<P>I guess this is where the rubber meets the road. Separate and the affair continues for how knows long. Plan B her and then hope she is ready and willing to come back and you still want her back.<P>Stay together and the affair continues for how knows long and Plan A her till its over and then work on your marriage.<P>There really is nothing you can do to make her stop the affair. They have to end it.<P>Sorry if that came out kinda brutal, but it helped me to set a plan and then work. The waffling drove me crazy, especially the Plan A. I kept fearing that anything I said could be a lovebuster and so I didn't say anything which proved to be a lovebuster.<P>Hang in there!!!<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger<BR>

<B>jaime</B> -- We have already been through a separation once. I moved to an apartment for four months. W did miss me even though we saw each other almost every weekend. We dated and did more together this summer than the last two or three years combined. Yet, at the point I had had enough of the apartment and moved back, she hadn't cleared anything up in her mind. Nothing had changed from April to September.<P>A little while after I moved out, she took the opportunity to start calling OM 3-4 times a week with the calls lasting 2-5 hours. There were times she fell asleep talking to him. There were other times that as soon as I would leave on Sunday night after a visit, she would call him.<P>This is why her moving out isn't going to result in anything positive.<P><B>RWD(Bob)</B> -- Nothing you said came across as brutal. It's just true. She's sure not in the same world as me. I said to her last night that I tried to let her know why I will finish the divorce if she moves out. She keeps vehemently denying any insinuations I make about OM, so I concentrated on what she says is her primary reason for moving: freedom.<P>I told her that if she moved out without trying to have the freedoms she wanted first, that she would definitely do these things after she moved. I know she wants/needs this stuff and I've always tried to encourage it, but somehow she has labeled me as the problem. Anyway, once she is comfortable about having the freedom to do stuff, why would she want to come back to the marriage where she incorrectly assumes that she would feel trapped? I said that as a result of that, once she moved, she would never come back.<P>Oh, well. I'm rambling. I guess my mind is a bit scrambled, too.<P>Thanks, guys....<P>--DeWayne--<BR>